Total Drama Action: Eyes Of An Intern
by I.M.Poik
Summary: The second in the Eyes Of An Intern series, Leroy is back in the action! Take a look at how he fares (and survives) the second season of Total Drama! Today's Chapter: Masters Of Disasters. Coming Soon: Full Metal Drama.
1. Back In Action

Disclaimer: No characters I own in here, unless that character's name is Leroy.

* * *

A broken down bus sped wildly down the road. It's driver was oddly relaxed despite this, while the passengers are screaming.

"Can you slow down?" Bridgette yelled. Izzy was encouraging him otherwise.

"GOGOGOGOGO! FASTER!" Izzy yelled.

"Relax," Leroy said, his feet driving the steering wheel, "This is just how they drive in the future! I did the same in my driver's test and I still passed! Just be glad I'm not going over the speed limit!"

The bus began driving around more wildly, and the contestants screamed even louder.

"Leroy, can you slow down? I'm feeling a bit-BLEUGH!" Owen said as he blew chunks that narrowly missed Leroy.

"Dude, careful with that!" Leroy said.

"Are we close to getting there?" Gwen asked in terror.

Leroy pulled out and unfolded a comically huge map before refolding it and putting it back in his pocket. "Just a dozen more turns and we'll be there!"

A chorus of groans followed as Leroy began wildly turning the sharp corners and narrowly avoid crashing into any cars.

"This is g-getting gnarly!" Geoff stammered in fright. Duncan, Beth, Lindsay, Trent and Gwen had similar reactions.

Harold was keeping himself busy by trying to work on a Rubik's cube, but the wild ride was causing him to nearly mess up. Leshawna screamed loudly.

Everyone (except Izzy) was hoping that it would stop eventually. Leroy just continued to swerve around the road.

* * *

So here it is! The first episode is coming up, so stay tuned!

Leroy says: Don't forget to review!


	2. Monster Cash

Disclaimer: Nothing owned by me, except Leroy.

* * *

The bus came to a screeching halt.

"See, I'd told you we'd be fine." Leroy said to the terrified contestants. "Nothing's broken."

A loud clanging was heard as the back bumper fell from the bus.

"…Except for that." Leroy continued. "Anyhow, we've arrived at our destination. Now get off. I have a schedule to keep. Single file please."

Leroy opened the bus doors as Duncan was the first to step out and take a deep breath.

"Man, I miss the smell of the city." He was followed by Leshawna, Harold, and Heather and Gwen, the former of the two nearly tripping due to both of them trying to get out at the same time.

"Step off!" Heather ordered.

"You step off!" Gwen retorted. Both growled at each other.

"I don't have time for this, so get off already!" Leroy sternly said before pressing a button. A large mechanical hand came out of his jacket and it shoved both of them off the bus. Gwen slammed into Harold, who in turn slammed into Leshawna before falling to the ground, his Rubik's cube shattered.

"Sorry Leshawna." Harold said as the pieces fell on him.

"No harm done." Leshawna replied.

Soon, everyone else got off the bus. Leroy drove off to the other side of the film lot, where Chris was waiting.

"About time you got here," Chris said. "Now follow me."

Chris and Leroy got into the front seats of a cart, with the passenger area at the back. Chris drove to the front gates of the film lot, where Leroy dropped off the campers.

"Dude, it's about time." Duncan said.

"Hop on, everyone!" Chris instructed, "Come on, people, sheesh, we haven't got all day. This cart's rented by the hour!"

All of the competitors boarded the tram. All but one.

"Izzy, run!" Owen called.

Said redhead just whistled.

Owen facepalmed. "I mean Kaleidoscope!"

"No one leaves E-Scope behind!" she let out a Tarzan-like yell, and caught up to the tram rather quickly and jumped in.

"Welcome to the set of Total Drama Action!" Chris announced. "This season's hottest reality show will be shot here, on an abandoned film lot!" the tram passed by some studios.

Lindsay gasped. "Does this mean we're gonna be on the movies?"

"No, it mean you're gonna be on TV. And don't interrupt me, _ever_!" he flicked Lindsay on the nose before continuing.

"You'll be spending the next six weeks here, competing against each other in challenges and for rewards, all for the chance to win some _Mooonster Cash!_"

"Yeah baby, I'm gonna win me some moolah!" Owen exclaimed.

"Shush! Like last season, one team will win, and the other team will watch one of their own make their way down the dreaded Walk Of Shame to the Lame-O-Sine!"

The tram passed by a red carpet, with a rusty limousine waiting at the end. Chris pressed a button that raised the windows on his and Leroy's side, leaving the contestants in the passenger seat to cough at the emitted fumes from the Lame-O-Sine. Once they passed by it, Chris lowered the windows.

"Now since we don't have the outhouse to dump your deepest darkest secrets in, you'll dish the dirt in our new makeup confessional!" the tram passed by a normal-looking trailer.

**Confessional**

**Lindsay**-"Oh my gosh. A whole trailer full of makeup!" (someone offscreen offers her a tube of lipstick) "Oh sorry, I don't use that brand."

**Leroy**-"I gotta say, even though this place looks like a bit of a dump, I'd prefer this over that stinky outhouse any day."

"On your left is the craft services tent," Chris said as the tram passed by a large white tent, "catered by _Chef_." A loud noise was heard coming from the tent, as Chef, wielding a cleaver, chased a raccoon outside.

Lindsay brought out a camera to take a picture. Leroy gave her an awkward stare before Chris interrupted by speeding off.

"If you survive Chef, you'll have to make it through our dramatic awards ceremony, where all but one loser will receive a Gilded Chris Award." the tram passed by a large stage, with some bleachers right next to it. The stage was flanked on either side with a gilded statue of Chris.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"The Gilded Chris? What a narcissist. Don't get me wrong, I still want one."

"You done now, dude?" Geoff asked in boredom.

"I have an eject button, and I'll use it!"

"Please, continue."

The tram then passed by a space movie set.

"Woah, cool! Is this a dream?" Harold asked.

"No Harold, it is not. But you may soon wish it was. A few months ago, this lot was home to a high-budget monster movie, until the star began experiencing some ah…uh…technical difficulties?"

"Oh no, did she have like, a mental breakdown?" Lindsay asked.

"Actually, the star wasn't a _her._ It was an _animatronic monster_!"

Everyone looked around at several building and tree props that had monster-sized bites in them.

"What happened to it?" Gwen asked nervously.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-(sighs) "In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have asked that question."

As the tram continued, an earth-shaking roar was heard as many covered their ears.

"Come on, dudes," Duncan said, "he's yanking our chains."

A large green tail slapped a broadcast tower prop, knocking it over. Chris stopped the tram just short of the fallen tower.

"Since we're on a film lot," Chris said, "this season's challenges will be based on movie genres. Today's genre: The Monster Movie! Duh!"

Everyone gasped as a large green something with sharp claws and a long tail stomped past. DJ got a full blast of it and fainted.

Chris poked the big guy's chest with a stick. "Down for the count. For your first challenge, everyone must get from here to the cast trailers while our state-of-the art monster prevents your every move. Chef has kindly offered to control the beast. Aaaaaaanndd…action!"

Everyone just sat still.

"Uh, that means go."

Immediately everyone began to barge out of the tram as Heather was pushed away by Trent, who was karate chopped in the face by Harold, who was tossed aside by Duncan.

"This is gonna be a _long_ season." Chris commented.

Leroy brought out his jetpack to begin following the contestants. He looked on as they dashed across a beach set, Harold lagging behind as the monster continued to storm towards them.

"Oh baby, did you see that?" Owen asked Izzy. "That thing is so cool!"

Leroy looked back at the starting line and saw DJ, who had woken up.

"I can almost hear your sweet lullabies, mama…" he whimpered as he sucked his thumb and Chris patted his head.

When Leroy checked back on Owen and Izzy, he saw that a large green hand was about to grab the latter.

"Izzy, duck, duck!" Owen yelled.

Izzy laughed. "Goose!" just then, the hand slammed down, sending Izzy flying into a crane.

"Do it again!" she called.

Owen shook his head in terror as the monster grabbed and carried her off. Leroy followed the monster as it dumped Izzy into a bounce house. She laughed as she bounced.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"You thought the monster was gonna eat 'em? Nah, we couldn't do that. Wouldn't wanna risk the lawsuits."

**Owen**-"Maybe the monster won't look for me in here. I love Izzy, not like 'love' love, but I think she's amazing. I just wish she'd notice me and not that dumb monster. How can I compete with it? Sure we're both big and we both eat a lot, but it's really tall."

Under an umbrella, Bridgette and Geoff were making out as per usual while Gwen and Trent ran past them as the monster continued rampaging.

"How are we supposed to find the actors' trailers anyway?" Gwen asked.

"Follow the good looking people!" Justin yelled as he ran by.

"Yeah, follow Justin!" Beth added as she ran as well.

Gwen and Trent shrugged before following them.

Duncan paused from his run to take notice of the blonde couple. "Um, I don't think this is the kind of action Chris had in mind."

**Confessional**

**Bridgette**-"What was I thinking? Duncan is so right. Hello, I like Geoff, but I also like a million bucks!"

**Geoff**-"Duncan's right. It's time to get our heads in the game. Booyah!"

**Bridgette and Geoff**-(making out)

"This challenge isn't so bad," Gwen said as she, Trent and Duncan ran across the block, "What, no explosions, no burning buildings, no bears?"

"Maybe it's not in the budget." Trent suggested.

"Oh yeah?" Leroy said as he brought out a button and pressed it. A nearby building prop exploded. Another press and a house prop burned down. The charred bear inside the latter prop roared as it chased down the three contestants.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"The bear had one day left on its contract and I just _hate_ to waste."

Leroy watched the monster reached into the trailer confessional and pull out Bridgette and Geoff. It made its way to the bounce house and dropped them in.

"I love you!" Bridgette yelled.

"I love you too!" Geoff yelled back as they fell.

Meanwhile, Leroy saw Leshawna running across the set, only to pause when she saw Harold hiding under an umbrella.

"Come on, string bean, I hope you can run, we've got a challenge to win!" she said as she pulled him out.

"If I wanted to," Harold replied, "I could run as fast as a pronghorn antelope. It's the fastest land mammal after the cheetah."

A roar suddenly sent both of them flying before the monster grabbed them.

"Easy now, this booty is breakable!" Leshawna shouted before the monster dropped them into the outhouse.

"I love you!" Harold yelled.

"Say what now?" Leshawna replied.

Leroy looked at the remaining contestants. Trent and Gwen were still running, but they made a quick turnaround when they saw the monster in their path. As they passed Justin, the pretty boy's eye's widened before he continued his run, only to end up in the monster's hands. When the monster brought him to its face, Justin said "Yo!" and waved at it. The monster's pupils widened.

"Huh?" Leroy said.

**Confessional**

**Justin**-"I'm not just another gorgeous face, and abs, and butt, and shoulders, okay? I'm also a master strategist. This year, I'm in it to win it."

The monster gently placed Justin into the bounce house. He noticed everyone staring at him.

"What are you all staring at?" he asked.

"You." Everyone replied.

"Oh, right."

Back at the course, Leroy saw Heather running alone. A roar from the monster caused her to hold on to her wig.

Lindsay emerged from behind a bush prop. "You tell her, we don't like her!"

Just then, she and Heather were grabbed by the monster and dumped into the bounce house.

"I'll miss you Lindsay!" Beth called.

"Uh, excuse me," Heather yelled from the bounce house, "I think you forgot something!" the monster dropped her wig into the bounce house and she put it back on.

Leroy watched as Beth, DJ, Gwen and Trent run as the monster continued its chase. They paused for a moment as the monster loomed over them.

"Everyone, follow me!" Trent said as they ran in a different direction.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"That's what makes Trent such a great boyfriend. He's always thinking of others. That's one of the things I love about him."

Everyone else ran, but DJ just stood frozen in place.

"It's okay, big guy, I gotcha." Trent assured as he dragged him away to a nearby building. When they entered the door though, it turned out to be a prop.

"You mean, everything around here is fake?"

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"That, and Trent's exceptional powers of observation.

The monster grabbed the four of them as it made its way to the bounce house.

"I'm coming Lindsay!" Beth shouted as the monster dropped them.

"I'm here for you babe!" Trent yelled as they fell.

Leroy saw Duncan and Owen emerging from a car prop at the same area where the previous capture took place.

"Haha, losers!" Duncan laughed.

"Boy, am I ever glad I'm not them." Owen added.

A green finger tapped Duncan's shoulder. The two boys turned around and saw the monster grinning menacingly at them. Owen ducked under the cardboard prop.

"I'm gonna die!" he wailed as the claw reached out to them.

Leroy saw that the hand only grabbed Duncan, and dropped him into the bounce house.

Owen opened his eyes. "I'm okay? I'm okay! Yeah baby, time to find those cast trailers!" he went through the door of the building prop.

"I…can't…run…any…more…" he panted as he toppled to the ground.

The monster's shadow loomed over Owen as it looked down at him.

"Take me…I…surrender…" he said.

The monster grabbed him, but sparks suddenly fizzled around its arm, indicating that it was shorting out.

**Confessional**

**Owen**-"Boy, am I ever glad I didn't go on that diet. Being big can really have its advantages. Y'know, like…when you're not trying to uh…be captured by an animatronic monster...for example. That's just off the top of my head."

More sparks fizzled around the animatronic monster until it failed entirely as it dropped Owen.

"Yes! I'm too heavy!" Owen celebrated. "I win! I win!"

"Not yet, Owen my man," Chris walked up to him, "you still have to find the trailers."

"Aw man…" Owen groaned as he continued walking.

Leroy flew over to the trailers, which were located near the bounce house.

"Looks like Owen is the only one left in this challenge!" Leroy announced, "And with the animatronic monster defeated, there's no stopping him from getting here anytime now!"

_Five hours later_

"…Anytime now!" Leroy said sleepily as Chef walked past him, his rubber suit, which he used to control the monster, was fizzling.

_Five more hours later_

"…Any…time…now…" Leroy snored in his sleep. He was awakened by the sound of a horn. He saw that Owen had finally made it, as he collapsed to the ground.

"It took you ten and a half hours to walk three city blocks?" Trent asked him.

"That's just sad, man." DJ added.

Owen said nothing as he pulled out a pin and inserted it into the bounce house, causing it to deflate.

"How come no one thought of doing that last night?" Duncan asked as he got out. A chorus of groans were his reply.

"Wait, where's Izzy?" Leshawna asked.

Just then, the animatronic monster stomped over to them, squishing one of the trailers in the process. It gently let Izzy down to the ground.

"Thanks for the date baby," she said, "don't ever leave me, 'cause I'll find you!"

Owen glared at the monster.

"How did you manage to escape?" Duncan asked.

"Monster and I had a romantic date. He doesn't take no for an answer. Pretty crazy, I can't even tell you guys."

Leroy looked at her skeptically as Chris came out of the unharmed trailer.

"Woah," he looked at the squished trailer, "am I ever glad that I chose to wait in that trailer. It looks like you all made it. Guess I lose the bet. That was just a warm up. Good news is, your next challenge is a reward!"

Everyone cheered at this.

"It will be the boys against the girls, with the winner getting the first pick of the trailers, where you'll be living for the next 42 days! You will have your choice of: Trailer A," he pointed to the unharmed trailer, "or Trailer…" he looked at the destroyed one. "Yeesh. Off to the craft services tent!"

"Yeah baby, I'm starving!" Owen said.

**Confessional**

**Owen**-"My mom says I eat when I'm upset. And happy. And tired. Not to mention bored, gassy, morose, joyous, comatose, semi-conscious, avuncular, hehe, avuncular."

Leroy led the contestants to the craft services tent, where a large buffet was laid out on a long table.

"Woohoo!" Owen cheered, "this is awesome!"

"Dude, this chow looks like something out of a commercial!" Geoff commented.

"Ooh, can I star!" Lindsay asked.

"Let's get this speed eating contest started!" Owen said. "On your marks, get set, COME TO PAPA!"

"No, wait-"

"What-"

It was too late, as Owen began devouring the entire buffet in ways that would be impossible for the average human. All this reminded Leroy of a song that he played, and he began singing.

_You gotta eat! (Eat!)_

_Eat to win!_

_Don't let 'em gross you out! (Out!)_

_Don't let 'em push you down! (Down!)_

_Stand up tall and say you can! (YEAH!)_

_You gotta eat! (Eat!)_

_Eat to win!_

_Ooh, you gotta eat (Eat!)_

_Eat to win!_

_YEAH!_

Leroy finished the '80s-esque song at the same time Owen finished the buffet as he laid down on the table.

Chris walked up to Owen. "Owen, the man of many appetites. How was it?"

"The turkey was a bit *burp* dry."

"Not surprising, since the food was fake!"

"Fake?!"

"Yep. Just props made from foam core, silicone, sawdust and wax. It wasn't a speed eating contest. It was a contest to find the key."

"What key?" Owen burped out said key. "Oh, you mean this key?"

"That'd be the one."

"Does this mean I win?"

"Yes, yes it does."

"Alright!"

**Confessional**

**Duncan**-"Did you see that? Dude ate foam core and wax! Foam props for that bad, haha!"

**Geoff**-"Way to find the key, dude! I used to think Owen was some party dude, but he really is stand-up guy! Party on!"

**Harold**-"I could've done that, you know. I just wasn't hungry."

**Owen**-"No wuh-wuh-wait, there's still one more…" (burps)

**Leshawna**-"You know what that boy has? Guts. Guts full of foam core and rubber. My gut's just the same."

**Leroy**-"I told them we shouldn't use a fake buffet to hide the key."

Chef poured a medicine formula into a glass of water as he offered it to Owen.

"Oh don't worry," Owen said, "I'm cool. My mom says I've got a gut like a goat." His stomach gurgled. "Nope, call 911."

"You're gonna need it," Chris quipped, "Since you're the winner, you get first pick of the trailers!"

The guys cheered at their victory.

Leroy led everyone back to the trailer area.

"Okay Owen," he said, "pick a trailer."

"I choose…

…

…

…the squashed one!"

"Well…then it's yours!"

At this, the guys got angry at Owen, for now that had to live in a squashed trailer for 42 days.

"What? It has more _character_." Owen defended.

The girls cheered, but it was cut short as the monster came back and stepped on the other trailer, squishing it as well.

"Looks like everyone's getting squashed trailer tonight." Leroy commented.

**Confessional**

**Izzy**-(laughs) "I am so over that monster!"

Later that night, Chef repaired the trailers.

"Okay everyone," Chris said, "get a good night's sleep, 'cause you've got a seriously early wake-up call! Call time is: 6 AM! Sleep quickly!"

Leroy went off to have dinner before he walked back to the trailers, where the contestants were now snoring.

Chris came out from behind the girls' trailer. "Shh, they're sleeping!" he whispered not-so-quietly." He activated a bullhorn. "THIS IS YOUR 5 AM WAKE UP CALL!"

Several loud screams came from the trailer.

"I'm only kidding, you can sleep, for now."

Chris then blew an air horn near the boy's trailer, as several earth-shaking revolting sounds ensued from it.

"That's a wrap on day one. How will Owen fare with a stomach full of foam core and sawdust? What will tomorrow hold for Gwen and Trent? Who knows what drama is in store for our cast? Well I do, but I ain't tellin'. See you next time for another thrilling episode of Total…Drama…Action! MacLean out!"

Just then, the monster roared in the background.

"Will someone please put a wrap on that monster?!"

Leroy took out a taser and zapped the monster, disabling it as it fell to the ground.

"Now where do I sleep?" Leroy asked.

"Yeah, you get a new trailer. It's at the back."

Leroy ran off so he can get some sleep.

* * *

And here, the story really begins. What will be in store this season for Leroy? Find out in the next chapter!

Review, review, review!


	3. Alien Ressur-eggtion

Disclaimer: I own nothing excpet Leroy.

The OC Tyrin belongs to craiger250, who has kindly given me permission to use him for this chapter.

* * *

Leroy rolled a cart full of large slimed egg props across the alien movie set.

"Hurry up," he called to someone behind him, "we don't have all day!"

"Take it easy, I'm new." His companion said. He was a dark-skinned boy with black hair arranged in dreadlocks, wearing an aviator hat, a green T-shirt, a pair of blue pants, and green sneakers. He, like Leroy, was also pushing a cart full of the egg props. The two walked until they reached a large room marked on Leroy's Intern's Eye.

"Okay Tyrin," Leroy said, "be careful with these now, they're breakable."

The intern known as Tyrin nodded as they carefully dumped the eggs into the room before they left. Tyrin went off to the staff area while Leroy made a beeline for the craft services tent (he already had breakfast).

In the craft services tent, Chef was currently serving scrambled eggs, soggy bacon, and burned toast for breakfast. Chef served Heather the food, then Harold, then DJ.

"Keep the line moving, lovebirds." Duncan said to Geoff and Bridgette, who apparently, were making out again. The couple responded by moving away so Duncan could get breakfast.

"More eggs and bacon for me. Keep 'em coming, Chef." DJ said. A glare from the cook and the brickhouse just walked away.

"Forgot how hungry I got last year eating on Chris' wrecked schedule." Duncan said as he got his breakfast.

"I know," Gwen added, "got to the point where I'd kill for Chef's disgusting food. No offense, Chef."

"None taken." The hulking man said as he deliberately dropped her scoop of scrambled eggs to the ground.

"You can have my burned toast, big mouth." Duncan offered.

"Judging from that gut, I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs." She replied.

"Nice." Duncan laughed.

"You can have my toast, Gwen." Trent walked up to her.

"Thanks, but I can't take _enemy_ toast."

"Enemies? We're not enemies."

"In this game, we're all enemies." Duncan quipped.

"Except for me and Gwen. I'll always have her back, no matter what."

"Right back at ya, babe."

"I'll remind you two of that when the money's being divied up." Duncan walked away, followed by a smirking Gwen and a glaring Trent.

Leroy looked back at the counter and saw that Chef was now serving pancakes (since he ran out of eggs, bacon and toast). Izzy was pouring ketchup on her stack.

"That is so wrong." Lindsay commented.

"SO wrong." Beth added.

"In battle we put ketchup on everything," Izzy said, "covers the taste of _murder_."

"My new nail polish is murder," Lindsay said, "isn't it hot?"

"Grey is so totally your color!" Beth complimented.

"Okay, that's thirteen," Leroy said as he checked a list. "where's Owen?"

Said 296 pounds of joy entered the tent. However, he wasn't looking like himself.

"Ugh," he moaned, "no eggs and bacon for me, Chef. I'll just have this…nice bowl of prunes." He grabbed the nearby bowl off the counter.

Everyone in the room (including Leroy) gasped. Owen noticed the stares that everyone was giving him. "What?"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(shocked) "That was the most…un-Owen-ish thing I've ever heard him say..."

**Owen**-"My uh…plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure buildup's killing me!" (he tries to fart) "Come on, colon, don't fail me now!" (he farts) "Oh, I hear bells!"

Soon, all fourteen contestants were seated as Chris entered the tent.

"Welcome to day two of Total! Drama! Action!" Chris announced.

"Are you gonna do that every time?" Duncan asked in annoyance.

"Yes, yes I will."

"Alright then."

"Today's movie genre: Aliens! Our unpaid interns, sans Leroy, have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?"

"You've got three basic rules," Chef said, "Aliens wanna take over the world qnd start makin' lots of baby aliens. People fight back. And the military's called in." he threw a scoop of his usual green slop into Owen's face. "Yo Chris, where's my paycheck at?"

"It's…in the mail." Chris lied.

Chef's scowl only deepened.

"Come to think of it, he never gave me mine, either." Leroy whispered.

"Today's challenge: Find an alien egg and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you!" Chris announced. "The two fastest get to pick the teams this season."

"Sorry losers," Duncan said, "but no one knows alien movies like I do. The more obscure, the better."

"I'm gonna blend up those noggin aliens, and have 'em for breakfast!" Gwen said.

"Dude, Alien Chunks is my favorite alien movie of all time!"

"Me too! I've seen it 27 times!"

"53."

"You'll be tough to beat, but I have my lucky charm."

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I love to see Alien Chunks, where they turn the aliens into fruity-blended drinks. I even have the necklace."

"I like the movie where the aliens take over the government." Trent quipped, "Take me to your leader."

"Oh dude, you are so going down." Duncan said.

"But it was a good movie! Right?" he turned his head to Gwen. "Gwen?"

"Uh, okay," she muttered, "this is kinda awkward."

"Yo Chris," DJ asked, "you got some laser shootin' monster playin' Mama Alien?"

"Not quite." At that moment, Chef walked back to the counter, now wearing a large green alien costume.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"We were gonna use this cool alien robot that I invented for the challenge, but we had some uh…technical difficulties, so we went with plan B."

"You call that slime?" Chris waved his finger, referring to Chef. "Make up! More slime over here!"

Green slime suddenly dropped down from the ceiling and onto Chef.

"I hate my life." He grumbled.

"Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot." Chris said as he tossed the tablet-like devices, which somewhat resembled Leroy's Intern's Eye. "Find the alien eggs, but be careful! Because today, you're all on _Chef's menu_!"

Chef chuckled darkly.

"Leroy," Chris instructed, "show them where the alien studio is."

Leroy led the campers to studio 2A, AKA the alien movie shooting studio.

"Here's how it works," he instructed, "the GPS devices will show you the directions to the boiler room, where the eggs are located. You'll know you're getting closer if the dots turn green. Also, you'll all be given a five-minute headstart before Chef hunts you down with his paintball slime gun. If you're slimed, you're out, simple as that. Your five minutes starts…now!"

The campers all rushed into the building. All but two.

"Um, Mr. and Ms. Make-out?" Leroy said to Bridgette and Geoff, both still making out, "The challenge already started."

The blonde couple just walked right in the studio. Leroy walked over to the control room to watch.

Leroy checked a camera, which was focusing on the main group as they walked through the cold tunnels of the set.

"Hey, follow me," Izzy said, "I know aliens, uh-huh. I've been abducted loads of times. There's a tracking device in my neck, see?"

Harold looked closely at her neck. "Does it hurt?"

"Only when I hiccup." She hiccupped, and a small sparking sound was heard. "Ow."

Leshawna stooped to look at a large metal door and shivered. "Can you feel that? It's like, there's somethin' in there, cold as ice, with no soul."

"Thanks," Chris said from the control room, "now take that!" he pressed on the nearby keyboard, which caused cold air to suddenly dispense from one of the pipes. Harold jumped into Leshawna's arms.

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**-"I've already told that skinny little tadpole that things between us aren't meant to be! Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna."

**Harold**-"I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me, like she's un-pantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes, and chocolate omelet-oh!"

At the back of the group, Heather was shaking her device. "How come we're the only dots on the screen? Where's Chef?"

"How did you get in our group?" Justin asked.

"There are no groups yet. Plus, there's only one way we can go."

**Confessional**

**Beth and Lindsay**\- **Beth**-"Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn't mean we should be mean back, right? Someone said that you can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice." **Lindsay**-"That is so deep."

Just then, an odd sucking sound was heard.

Gwen shushed the group, at which point Owen suddenly farted.

"Oh yes! First one! Smell it!" he noticed the other glares. "Sorry."

"What is that?" Trent asked, referring to the noise.

"Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound anymore!" Beth said.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Huh, didn't recognize that until now."

"Chris, is that you!" Leshawna said.

"I get blamed for everything." Chris replied.

"It must be Chef," Duncan said to Gwen, "you wanna run, or you wanna kick some alien butt?"

"Let's kick some alien butt!" Gwen replied enthusiastically.

"Ahem!"

"Trent, any thoughts?"

"Yeah, let's kick some alien butt!" Trent said not so enthusiastically.

"Huh?" Leroy said, "but Chef isn't on yet."

"So, who wants to go first?" Harold asked.

"Please, after you." Leshawna replied.

"After you," DJ said to Owen. "I insist."

"Don't worry Izzy," he said to her, "I'll protect you."

Izzy suddenly grabbed his arm and flipped him over.

"It's Kaleidoscope," she corrected, "E-Scope for short."

"Yes sir E-Scope sir!" Owen saluted.

"Okay," DJ muttered, "let's do this! Momma, if you're listening, you can have my limited edition Raptor's Draft cards! They're worth some serious coins!"

"I didn't suffer through eight years of braces, headgear, saliva spit and ridicule from my peers so I can hide from life!" Beth declared angrily as she stormed past.

"You go girl!" Leshawna cheered.

"Watch out alien Chef, 'cause here comes Beth!" she rounded the corner only to discover the true source of the noise: Bridgette and Geoff making out, again.

Leroy and Chris laughed.

"Oh. It's just Bridgette and Geoff!" she yelled to the others.

"Aw nice." Duncan complained, "Don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?"

No response.

"I'm thinking that's a no." Owen said.

"Enough messing around, we've got alien eggs to capture!" Gwen said.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I wasn't worried about Chef, alien costume or not. I mean, I did place second last year. I know _exactly_ what I'm doing."

"Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?" Gwen said.

"Ready for Chef to pick us off, one at a time." Trent added.

"We've really gotta work on our strategizing."

Just then, an alarm sounded, with the word "DANGER!" being repeated across the hall.

"That's my cue," Leroy muttered. "Attention soon-to-be-slimed contestants!" he announced into an intercom, "Chef is now in play! Be careful now, 'cuz he's comin' after ya!"

"Let's get out of here!" Heather exclaimed.

"Which way do we go?" Justin asked.

"North is nice, but east is least; west is best!" Lindsay suggested.

"Can't argue with that," Leshawna said, "we don't even know how to!" she, Justin, and Beth followed Lindsay in the same direction.

"Map says the boiler rooms east of here." Gwen said.

"Alien eggs are always in the boiler room." Duncan added.

"Uh, yeah, totally, east it is." Trent said nervously as he, Duncan, Gwen and DJ ran off in that direction. Bridgette and Geoff attempted to follow them.

"Where do you think you're going?" Duncan asked them.

"With you, to the boiler room." Bridgette replied.

"Sorry, but the lovebirds are on their own."

The blonde couple gasped.

**Confessional**

**Duncan**-"In any alien flick, the kissing couple's always the first to go. There's no way Romeo and Juliet are gonna ruin my chances at a million big ones, uh-uh."

"This is it, baby," Geoff told Bridgette, "better make it good!"

"That is the most romantic thing I ever heard!" Bridgette cried before the two went into another make-out session.

Leroy saw that Chef had now entered the field, wielding a paintball gun in pursuit of the contestants.

Meanwhile, a group consisting of Harold, Heather, Izzy and Owen walked by and saw the kissing blonde couple.

"Snap out of it," Heather ordered, "if we don't band together, we are gonna lose this challenge! Now who's with me?"

"Uh, it's hard to say." Owen replied, "Does 'being with you' imply some sort of alliance?"

"Because we don't like you." Izzy added.

"Okay, okay, forget being 'with me', who's willing to walk _beside_ me, in usual pursuit of our goals, with no commitment of any kind?"

"I can agree to that." Owen replied.

"Count me in." Harold added.

Chef tried to sneak up on Harold from the ceiling, but he fell.

"Did anyone else hear that?" Harold asked, in defensive mode.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"I may not be the best looking guy, or the best dressed, or the most buff. But I get my butt kicked a lot, so my senses are totally heightened. I can sense when something's coming. Nothing gets by me."

Chef tapped Harold's shoulder and the lanky nerd immediately came face to face with him.

"Say hello to eternity!" Chef said before he blasted Harold with the paintball gun.

"I'm hit! I'm hit!" he yelled.

"And Harold is the first one out!" Leroy shouted into the intercom.

Owen's stomach gurgled. "It's time!" he ran up to Chef. "Take me out! I beg you, it's an emergency!"

Chef shrugged before promptly shooting him once.

"And Owen is the second victim to Chef's paintballs!" Leroy announced.

"Oh thank you, thank you! Make way, coming through!" as he ran out of the area, Geoff dropped Bridgette after smelling the farts that he left behind.

**Confessional**

**Owen**-"Man, I didn't think I was gonna make it! But these bowels never let me down. Great job, guys!" (he farts) "Oh, I think there's more. Coming through!" (he dashes out. An offscreen hand sprays the area with air freshener after he leaves.)

Chef grinned menacingly as he approached Heather and Izzy.

"I am not going down without a fight, you glorified dung beetle-lizard-whatever!" Heather said as she grabbed Izzy's shoulders.

"One of us isn't getting out of here clean!" Izzy said as she brought out a paintball gun of her own.

"You call that a paintball gun?" Chef questioned as he threw away his weapon and backflipped. When he landed, he wielded a much larger weapon in his hands. "_This_ is a paintball gun!"

"Fun! I love this game!" Izzy said as she threw away her paintball gun in exchange for one similar to Chef's.

"Okay, well I'll just let you two have at it." Heather said as she backed away.

"If I can handle hand-to-paw combat with a polar bear," Izzy said, "I can handle a bald, emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume!"

"Who are you callin' a _cook_?" Chef replied as he began shooting; Izzy backflipped to avoid the shots and returned fire, which Chef narrowly dodged. He began firing again, before one of his shots hit Izzy in the chest, sending her down to the floor, seemingly dead. Chef gasped, before Izzy revealed that she was faking and laughed.

"I thought you were dead." Chef commented.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Izzy responded.

"After a short duel," Leroy announced, "Izzy is out for the count!"

"E-Scope!" she yelled.

"Whatever!"

"What was that?" Chris said. "Where are the guts? The gore? I'll fix it." He removed the beret he was wearing in exchange for a camo cap and looked in the mirror. "I really should wear camo more often." He muttered before running out of the room.

Meanwhile, Chef walked up to Geoff and Bridgette. "Aw, watchin' you love like that." He mumbled. Bridgette could only look on in shock before Chef blasted them.

"A double whammy for Chef!" Leroy announced, "Bridgette and Geoff are out!"

Leroy saw Duncan on another monitor. "Eh, knew they were toast." He commented to Leroy's announcement.

Leroy checked on another monitor, this one showing the boiler room. Duncan, Gwen, DJ, and Trent entered.

Leroy checked on another monitor. This one showed Heather walking alone. She looked around as she continued on straight. After a while, she turned around and ran as Chef chased her.

"This is for last season," he yelled, "when you put laxatives in my brownies!The only thing that can get people to run is my uncooked meat!"

Chef shot Heather at the back, sending her down and her wig flying to the grated floor.

"MY WIG!" she yelled. She tried to reach it, but it was too late as it fell through.

"NO!" she screamed, horrified, She noticed a camera. "Don't look at me!"

**Confessional**

**Heather**-"Ever since my head was shave last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I've tried everything: lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine…" (she takes a sip of the medicine out of a cup and promptly spits it out and throws the mug away)

Leroy checked another camera and saw Leshawna, Lindsay, Justin and Beth entering what was not the boiler room.

"Um, how did we get here?" Lindsay asked.

"If we knew, we wouldn't be lost." Justin replied.

"You are so smart Justin, and goregeous!"

Beth and Leshawna agreed to Lindsay's comment.

Leroy, seeing all this, chuckled and pressed a button. The door suddenly shut tight, leaving the group trapped in.

"Chef, they fell for it." Leroy said into a walkie-talkie.

"I hate to be the bearer of big bad alien new," Leshawna said, "but I think this may be a trap." The girl clung on to Justin in fear.

Leroy saw Chef on another monitor.

"We gotta hire an effects crew." Chef muttered as he attached a pipe and turned the knob. Slime suddenly poured from the sprinklers in the rooms Leshawna, Lindsay, Justin and Beth were in, dousing all four.

"Our special trap room douses all in slime," Leroy said, "Leshawna, Lindsay, Justin and Beth are all out!"

"Ooh, feels so good." Justin rubbed the slime all over his body.

"Looks even better." Beth commented.

**Confessional**

**Beth**-"You know what? Models are people too! We stare at them, but they've got feelings, just like the rest of us! They've got hopes, and dreams. My dream is to marry Justin. My mom says that if I concentrate really hard, one day, all of my dreams will come true!"

**Leroy**-(looks weirded out) "I have no comment."

On another monitor, Leroy saw the four unscathed campers reaching the pit where he had poured the alien eggs earlier.

"Wow, they look so…real." Trent commented.

"Woohoo! We won!" DJ cheered.

"No so fast, big guy," Duncan interrupted, "we still have to get the eggs back to home base."

Leroy checked his own GPS device that he had beforehand. "Attention," he said into the intercom, "Chef is nearing the boiler room! Better make it quick!"

"Quick, lower me down!" Gwen told Trent. He complied as Gwen reached down and tried to grab an egg, but it broke apart.

"Ever heard of plastic props?!" she grumbled as she successfully grabbed another one, as well as three more for everyone else.

Just then, the door opened again and Chef peered inside. The campers could only gasp before Chef shot DJ in the back, causing him to tumble to the floor and his egg to shatter.

"Save yourselves!" DJ yelled as Chef chased the remaining three out of the room.

Leroy ran out of the control room just in time to see the remaining three run out of the studio. A helicopter flied overhead.

"Attention civilians," Chris announced from the helicopter, "the military is here to protect you now! Unfortunately, we can't let you leave with any alien eggs!"

"But we're _supposed_ to take the alien eggs; that's what you said!" Trent retorted.

"Right, I did! Hahaha!"

At that moment, Chris dropped two slime bombs into the area.

"Incoming!" Duncan yelled as the bombs hit the ground. Leroy barely avoided the blast zone with his jetpack.

"Woo, glad I don't have to clean it up." Chris commented.

When it all cleared, Leroy saw that Duncan was completely slimed, while Gwen and Trent managed to hide behind some barrels (they were in the western movie set) and came out unscathed.

"Does this mean I'm out?" Duncan asked.

"Yes, yes it does." Leroy replied.

"Too bad, so sad." Gwen taunted, "More money for me."

"Ooh, down for the count."

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"Duncan is always acting like such a tough guy. Ooh, you got a Mohawk, oh, you're so tough, bud. Yeah, hairspray is really manly. I love seeing Gwen stick it to Duncan. She's so awesome, I'd do anything for her."

"Oh no, our alien eggs!" Gwen exclaimed as she realized that they had lost their eggs in the skirmish.

Duncan immediately spotted an alien egg, lying dangerously on a wooden plank atop a dazed Chef.

"I'm on it!" he said.

"No, I'm on it!" Trent rushed past Duncan to try and grab the egg.

"My necklace, it's gone!" Gwen exclaimed.

Trent paused to look for said necklace, which was dangling on a sewer hole, in danger of falling in. Trent looked to the alien egg as Chef was getting up, and then to the dangling necklace. Eventually, he saw one item slip and fall, but he managed to save it just in time. Gwen smiled as Trent reached down to grab her necklace.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I know this is gonna sound really girly, but I was seriously touched when Trent chose my necklace over the egg. Most guys would've gone for the win."

"Personally, I would've picked the win." Duncan scoffed just as the alien egg fell on Chef's head and shattered.

"Sorry about losing the egg," Trent said to Gwen.

"Thanks for saving my necklace." Gwen replied. "I want you to have it, for luck. It suits you."

"You three gave it a valiant effort," Chris said as he landed on the ground using a parachute, "but, you're still losers!"

Trent looked over and saw two more alien eggs lying near the plank. "Not so fast Chris, looks like my good luck charm is working already." He grabbed the eggs and tossed one to Gwen. "Gwen, meet you at home base!"

Chef tried to grab him, but he missed. "I'll get you next time!"

"Can't you do anything right?" Chris scolded.

"Where's my money, hm? GIVE ME MY MONEY!" this was enough to send the host running in a panic.

Leroy followed Gwen and Trent as they ran back to the cast trailers, where everyone else was waiting.

"We have our two winners!" Chris announced. "Our _only_ two winners!" he continued as a fuming Duncan walked past. "The rest of you really stink! As our winners, Gwen and Trent will now be able to pick their teams, which means, they'll be competing _against_ each other this season!"

"Aw dude, no!" Trent complained.

"Bet you didn't see that one coming! After we vote off two cast members in the most thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony yet-"

Everyone gasped.

"Yes, you heard me. I said _two_! I'm liking the twos today. Must be _Tuesday_!"

The castmates all rolled their eyes. Leroy raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show." Chris shrugged.

At nighttime, all 14 contestants sat at the bleachers in the Gilded Chris ceremony. Leroy and Tyrin played an orchestral tune as it began.

"Is that really necessary?" Duncan asked.

"Yes, yes it is." Leroy replied as he kicked the instruments away.

"It's time to cast your votes," Chris said. "Under your seats you'll find your voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. Oh, and no peeking, or it's 'na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye'."

"Time to get voting!" Leroy said.

All the campers began pressing buttons. Soon, a machine printed out the results. Leroy gave the paper to Chris.

"The votes have been cast!" Chris announced.

Just then, Chef walked onstage, holding twelve Gilded Chrises in his hands. He was wearing a large pink dress, with a pink Chef's hat to match. Leroy and Tyrin could barely hold their laughter, as did everybody else.

"If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe," Chris continued, "for _now_. And the Gilded Chrises go to…"

"Trent." Leroy tossed one to said musician.

"Gwen." Leroy tossed another to said Goth.

"Harold."

"Duncan."

"and Izzy."

"E-Scope!" she corrected.

"Fine, E-Scope. Lindsay, Justin and Beth are also safe."

Both girls cheered and hugged Justin. Lindsay's hit her on the head, while Beth and Justin caught theirs.

"So is Owen, my man!"

"Aw, thanks Chris," the blonde teen said, "and thanks Chef, for doing what the prunes couldn't."

"Next is DJ."

"Surprisingly Heather."

"And last but not least…"

Leshawna looked worried. Bridgette looked worried as well, but Geoff gave her a reassuring smile."

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Leshawna!"

Leshawna cheered and hugged Geoff and Bridgette, but quickly pulled away as Leroy threw the final Gilded Chris to her.

"B-but I thought everyone like us?" Bridgette stammered.

"'Liked' bring the operative word." Duncan replied.

**Confessional**

**Duncan**-"I know _exactly_ who's gonna get it this week." (he hugs himself and makes kissing noises)

**Lindsay**-(holding up three fingers) "Two words: Bridgette and Geoff."

**DJ**-"At least they'll have each other."

**Leroy**-"Sometimes, I wonder if those two ever stop to breathe."

"Any final words?" Chris asked the blonde couple. They shrugged and began to make out, again.

"Just…go already." Leroy said.

Geoff and Bridgette got up, still making out, and made their way into the Lame-O-Sine as they tumbled in. Chef closed the door as it drove away.

"Who will Gwen and Trent pick for their teams?" Chris narrated. "Will Izzy ever answer to her actual name? Will Owen finally get some lunch?" ("Thank you!" the blonde teen said offscreen) "Tune in next time for another exciting episode of Total…Drama…Action!"

"Well, I guess that's it for tonight," Leroy said to the contestants, "so go get some sleep. Big days await ya!"

* * *

I probably would've posted this sooner hadn't my computer been slowing down sometimes. Ah well.

Anyways, review...yeah, you get the idea.


	4. Riot On Set

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unless his name is Leroy.

* * *

_3:00 A.M._

Inside Leroy's trailer, the intern himself was brushing his teeth. He had bags under his eyes and was looking tired. Afterwards, He exited his trailer and walked around under the moonlight. Leroy reached the cast trailers and saw Chris, with his air horn. Knowing what was gonna happen next, Leroy covered his ears.

Chris rang the air horn. "ALL CREW ON SET!" he yelled. "CALL TIME IS: _4 A.M._! I love this thing!" he kissed it.

**Confessional**

**Beth**-"At first, I thought he was talking to the _crew_ crew, not us. I was really hoping they'd replace 'Chris the creep' with a nicer host this time around! Is that mean? Sorry!"

_4:00 A.M._

A tired Gwen walked out of the girls' trailer, followed by a similarly tired Lindsay, and Leshawna.

"I can't believe I'm doing another season of this show," Leshawna mumbled as Heather, Beth, and a gleeful Izzy followed. At the same time, the guys walked out of their trailer as well.

"This continuing sadistic wake-up call is messing with the natural rhythms of my body clock." Harold moaned, "My mojo will be destroyed!"

Justin noticed Leroy's unusual state. "Woah Leroy, what happened to you?"

"My coffee machine was broken." Leroy yawned. "I stayed up _all_ night trying to fix it."

_6:00 A.M._

The sun had finally risen, the birds were chirping, the Leroy was yawning, and the Chris walked up to the contestants.

"You're on a film set now," the host said, "and you're gonna learn that showbiz is not all red carpets and pool parties. Today, you're gonna get schooled on how tough on-set production life can be."

"Whatever, I can deal." Gwen piped up, "I once had a summer job at a petting zoo. It's so adorable, everybody feeding the adorable goats their adorable cabbages, but somebody i.e. me, had to shovel up the less adorable end of the digestive process."

"Well, speaking of No. 2, it's time to pick your teammates, and then, try to stick it to the team your boyfriend chooses!"

"We're not gonna get all competitive and nasty, are we?" Trent asked.

"Absolutely not." Gwen replied. "we learned from last season, right?"

"Okay, let's get this bloodbath started!" Chris said. "We're gonna chose scoolyard style: boy, girl, boy, girl, ladies first! Since we have no ladies here, _Gwen_!"

Gwen sighed. "I don't know…Duncan?"

Trent gasped. Duncan smirked.

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"I can't believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they're kind of alike, and now she wants to be on the same team, what am I supposed to make of that? You think you know a person!"

"I choose the _beautiful_ Lindsay!" Trent declared.

"Yay!" Lindsay cheered.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"The _beautiful_? What? Was Trent trying to tick me off by making Lindsay like that? You think you know a person!"

"Because I like to keep things cool," Gwen said, "I pick Leshawna."

"The girls are back in town!" Leshawna said as she high-fived Gwen.

"Oh, you know what would be so great?" Lindsay suggested, "Is if you picked Tyler!"

"Tyler's not in the game anymore." Trent replied.

"Seriously? Bummer."

Trent facepalmed. "I choose Justin."

"Oh, pick all the good-looking contestants? That'll get you far."

"Well, in showbiz."

Gwen groaned. "DJ."

"Beth."

Gwen tapped her chin and was about to say something, but Leshawna stopped her.

"Remember, keep your enemies closer." She whispered.

"No! Really? You don't mean-"

Leshawna nodded.

"Fine. We choose _Heather_."

Said queen bee's eyes widened. "Really?"

**Confessional**

**Heather**-"It's about time someone realized who's the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people."

Trent looked at Owen, who was picking his belly button, and then Harold, who fell while trying to do martial arts moves.

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"How do you choose between flakier and flakiest? At least Owen got farther in the last game, that's worth something. Dude, I don't know. I had to pick someone."

"I choose Owen." Trent said.

"Woohoo!" Owen cheered.

"Uh, hello?" Harold complained, "Don't wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp, and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer, with a thorough knowledge of lightning filters, film stop-"

"I pick Harold," Gwen interrupted, "if for no other reason but to shut him up."

"Wise choice."

"There are no other guys left."

"Still."

"Um, I guess Izzy is on my team, then." Trent said, as she was the only one left. "Izzy?"

Said crazy girl raised an eyebrow and whistled.

"She likes to be called Kaleidoscope." Lindsay whispered into Trent's ear.

Trent sighed. "Oh right. E-Scope!"

"Here! Hi!"

"Gwen," Chris said, "I christen your team, the Screaming Gaffers!"

Leroy held up a green colored sign that had a picture of a lightbulb with crossbones behind it.

"Trent, you're the Killer Grips."

Leroy held up a red colored sign that had a picture of a raised fist.

"Grip? I-I don't wanna be a grip!" Beth stammered.

"Puh-lease," Heather said, "it's not like being called a gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies."

Just then, a loud crash was heard in the distance.

"Uh, what just happened?" Chris asked.

Leroy shrugged. "I have a feeling two of our crew members just uh…I don't know."

"Okay, since we're running late now and don't seem to have any more um…whatever those two crew dudes did, we better get going! Your challenge: For each team to set up a film set!"

"Psh, we'll be scarfing flapjacks by seven." Leshawna said.

"Oh will you?" Chris retorted, "as location manager, I want your sets to go…THERE!" he pointed to the top of a replica of the thousand-foot cliff from Camp Wawanakwa.

"You just love doing this to us." Gwen deadpanned.

"Yes, yes I do." The host pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Chef! Clear for traffic up there?"

Leroy looked through a pair of binoculars and saw Chef just shrug. Leroy repeated the gesture to Chris.

"LIGHTS…CAMERA…ACTION!" Chris yelled as the campers began scurrying to carry as much equipment as they could then carry it up the cliff.

As the campers ran, Gwen nearly fell as she carried a camera, but Duncan saved her from that.

"What are you doing with him?" Trent asked.

"Uh, we're on the same team?" Gwen replied.

Trent continued on, but he tripped as he was carrying a spotlight. Lindsay helped him up.

"And we're on the same team." Trent said as he continued running.

Heather bumped into Duncan and Gwen, causing the cart she was pulling to roll back down.

"People, this is crazy inefficient," she said, "I say we organize relay style and pass the equipment up."

"If _you_ say it, we're not doing it." Gwen said.

"But it's a _good_ idea!"

"I'm totally with you." Harold quipped. "Write down all your good ideas, and we can bring them up at the next team meeting. I'll second you. Cool?"

"Go jump in the lake, troll lips." Heather relied as she walked away. Harold looked at his lips.

"Come on, lucky necklace," Trent muttered as he carried a light, "papa Trent needs you."

Izzy passed by. "Wow, I thought I was crazy! You're talking to jewelry?!"

"You are crazy! I'm just trying to help our team win this thing!"

"Hey! That's what I'm trying to do too! If you got some lucky earrings, I'd be glad to have a little chat with them, huh?"

"It's neck and neck, people!" Chris announced. "Now, for the heavy stuff!"

Leroy looked and noticed that there were only the trailers left.

"How the heck are we gonna get those trailers up the hill?" Trent asked.

"I have a great idea!" Lindsay said.

**Confessional**

**Lindsay**-"It's so great to be free from Heather. I can totally contribute more and stuff! I have a lot of unwrapped potential, you know."

"Let's get Tyler to do it!" Lindsay suggested.

"HE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE!" Everyone yelled.

"Oh right. Bummer."

Owen's stomach gurgled, which gave Trent an idea.

"Owen, there's catering on the top of the hill. Just take that trailer up there with you and you can eat."

"Eat? I love eat!"

Owen removed his belt and used it to strap himself to the trailer as he began climbing the hill.

"Yay-ha, go Owen!" Izzy cheered as Owen began climbing the hill. "We're on a roll!"

"Hey, new best friends," Trent taunted, "how do you like that? You gonna cry together, you punk wannabes? 'Cause your team is going down."

Gwen gasped, as did the rest of the Gaffers.

"Uh, not cool, not cool at all." Duncan deadpanned.

"Oh, don't worry. We are taking Trent-I mean that team, down." She looked at DJ.

"Oh no," he said, "don't expect me to-what if the trailer slips and rolls back down the hill and possibly hurts someone? What then? I couldn't handle being responsible for that."

"Without his belt holding him up," Chris narrated as Owen's pants fell down, "Owen's pants are slowing him down!" he said as Owen tried to cover his exposed crotch.

Leroy watched as wen continued climbing the hill, while DJ still refused to carry his team's trailer.

Owen was halfway there. "Catering?"

"Owen, Owen, he's our guy," Beth cheered, "if he can't do it, uh, he-he's not our guy!"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(facepalming) "Really, Beth? Really?! My _grandma_ could come up with a better cheer than that!"

"There's still time for DJ to step up and be the hero for the Gaffers!" Chris narrated.

"Do it DJ, do it DJ," Harold chanted.

"How many times do I have to say no?!" DJ replied.

Eventually, Owen reached the top of the cliff. The Grips cheered.

"We won!" Beth yelled.

"Not exactly." Chris said.

"Pardon?"

"That was only the _first_ part of the challenge. Did I neglect to mention that?" he put Beth's arms down.

Leroy grabbed a bullhorn. "Attention Gaffers, you may now climb the cliff. Do not bring your trailer with you."

The Gaffers did as they were told. Leroy pointed to two film sets.

"Grips go on the left," he said, "Gaffers on the right."

Both teams went to their respective sets.

"It's time to make a movie," Chris said, "and what we've got here is a set for a tear jerker," he pointed to the Grips' set, "starring an elderly lady considering her long life."

"Boring." Trent commented.

"I can't believe we don't have a trailer." Harold moped.

"We are so not going to be able to properly apply makeup without vanity lighting." Heather said. "This could spell disaster. Thanks, DJ." She glared at him."

"You'll be making a feature about a thug," Chris said to the Gaffers, "who tries to go straight but can't resist the lure of the street."

"Yeah, it's been done." Gwen said.

"Hey, what about lunch?" Heather interrupted. "We have been working for eight hours and you are legally obligated by union rules to give us a mealbreak."

"Oh yeah? Who here is in the union?" the host raised his hand, but no one else did. "Yeah, I thought so."

**Confessional**

**Heather**-"I am hereby forming Local Women Untied Workers Against Chris. Who's with me? Everybody?"

**Leroy**-"The L.W.U.A.C.? Could use a better acronym."

"And now, it's time to choose an actor to perform a scene! Chef, give the teens their scenes!" Chef shoved one envelope into Trent's hands, and the other into Gwen's.

Leroy looked at the Killer Grips. "Alright, we need an old lady." Trent said.

"Oh please, let me do it!" Izzy volunteered, "It's gotta be me! I've got an old soul! I'm like 87 years old of me inside, 'cause I've been reincarnated like a whole bunch of times! Actually, I'm the reincarnation of my very own granny Mavis! Aye there, laddie," she said in a Scottish accent, "ya spill the weave but I guess on your kilt, and I can tell ya, all the Lochs are rising up to the call!" she took a bow.

"OKAY, FINE!" all the Grips yelled.

Leroy then looked at the Gaffers. Gwen had taken out the script.

"Big Lucky Parmigiano." She read.

"A tough guy," Heather pondered. All head turned to Duncan, who was carving away at a wooden post.

"What?" Duncan asked.

"You have got to play the gangster." Gwen said.

"Don't typecast me, I don't even know if I can act."

"You want _Harold_ to do it?" Heather asked, "He's as tough as butter!"

"And don't expect _DJ_ to be a tough guy, that's for sure." Chef added.

"How can you say that?" DJ moped. Chef just rolled his eyes.

"Come on, this is a role you were _born_ to play. You just have to be you." Gwen convinced. Duncan reluctantly took the script.

"Alright," Chris announced, "set up the shot! Whoever can get Chef, Mr. Ex-Army Corporal to show any emotion, wins the challenge!" Chef gave an angry snarl to a camera.

"This is gonna be hard." Leroy commented. "Okay," he instructed the cast-mates,

"you have an hour and a half to prepare your designated scenes and actors, starting…now!"

The cast-mates immediately went to work, setting up the scenery and preparing their performers.

Leroy first observed the Grips. Beth was fixing a stage light, while Lindsay was putting make-up on Izzy.

"Your make-up, gorgeous!" Lindsay said. "And now, I'm gonna make you really feel like an old lady!" She made Izzy bend over.

"I feel like 80 years have already passed since they started adjusting the lighting." Izzy commented.

"Don't move." Beth ordered.

"Oh, don't worry, I can't. My legs are totally asleep."

"Could I get that last line again?" Owen asked. He was wearing headphones and was standing behind the sound controls.

Izzy grabbed the boom mike Justin was holding. "MY LEGS ARE ASLEEP!" Owen screamed and fell to the ground.

Leroy next looked at the Gaffers. Harold was fixing the stage lights while Leshawna was working on a few wires. Duncan was reading his script.

"One, I can't memorize this much," Duncan said, "and two, these lines are way outta left field."

"Just say what's written and quit being such a prima donna!" Heather replied.

"We all have a job to do." Leshawna quipped.

"So you just stand there and look pretty, okay, pretty boy?" Heather poked his shoulder.

"Don't call me pretty." He threatened. "The last guy who called me pretty ended up looking a lot less pretty. Get it?"

Chris chuckled from behind the set. "Friction between the crew and talent! I love it! It's like a real film set!"

"You are not pretty, okay Duncan?" Gwen intervened, "You're hot, okay? You look hot! Sexy! _Studlike_!"

Trent overheard this and raised an eyebrow.

"That's better." Duncan replied.

"I can't believe they settled that so fast!" Chris complained. "Sometimes this business really stinks!"

Meanwhile, at the Grip set Lindsay was looking at a box of colored tapes.

"There are seven colors on this tape roll thingy," she said, "but I don't know which one to use. And what kind of a shape would a _mark_ be? Like an M, for mark? Or-"

"My legs are starting to tingle!" Izzy uttered. "I don't think I can hold much-" she suddenly collapsed to the floor. "-longer!"

Lindsay finally managed to place a piece of tape on the floor.

"Uh, we have the lighting just right!" Beth announced.

"Get back to first positions!" Trent ordered.

"Ugh, it's been _decades_!" Izzy complained. "Can we just get the ball rolling on my eventual best actress nomination?!"

Leroy checked out the backstage area. Duncan was memorizing his script while Heather was walking around.

"No wonder we're taking so long," she said, "this place is a mess, guys, and you have-"

Her foot was suddenly snagged on a wire. The stage light it was connected to broke off, snaring her and causing her to dangle upside-down in the air.

"I know you did this, Leshawna!" she yelled. "Help! I am gonna need a little help here, people!"

Harold walked up to her, carrying a pole.

"I'll help you down, m'lady." He used the pole to raise the stage light, causing Heather to drop to the ground.

"Thank you."

"Anything for m'lady." He bowed.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"I've been working on my courting skills. Yup I've mastered 'girl whispering'."

**Heather**-"As annoying as hanging around Harold would be, he'll make an easy-to-persuade alliance member. And right now, 'm'lady' needs all the help she can get."

"Time's up!" Leroy yelled.

"And now," Chris announced, "time for the final hair and makeup!"

"This light is just _appalling_!" DJ exclaimed as he rushed over to Duncan while carrying a makeup bag, and began to put makeup on him. "How am I supposed to work without a proper trailer and lighting?"

Gwen and Leshawna gasped.

"I mean, can you tilt that pretty chin up just a smhich?"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Chef blurted out before grabbing DJ and forcing him into a chair.

"What?" DJ asked. "My mama always told me I had a flair for applying her church makeup, so I figured-"

"We've got to toughen you up, you big ol' marshmallow!" Chef poked DJ's chest.

**Confessional**

**Chef**-"I've got to admit, I see a bit of myself in DJ. But I had to develop the macho in myself without somebody like me helping. This is gonna be fun."

"Here's the deal," Chef said, "I'll help you man up and win this thing, you don't ask any stupid questions, and you split the prize with me. Like they say, it's an offer you can't refuse." He leaned in to a silent whisper, "I won't let you."

Leroy looked again at the grips. Lindsay just finished putting on a bonnet, a white wig, and a ragged skirt on Izzy, making her look like an old lady.

"Wow, you don't look like you!" Lindsay commented.

"Aye, lassie," Izzy said in her Scottish accent, "that's on account of me being a master _Thespian_!"

"Just make sure you lose the Scottish bur, okay, Granny McE-Scope?" Trent said.

Leroy looked at the Gaffers. Harold gave Duncan a paintball gun while Leshawna put a black fedora on his head.

"They're ready." Leroy said.

"And that's…action!" Chris said as he clapped a clapperboard.

"When I was a young schoolgirl in Poland," Duncan began, "frolicking through the fields with my pet goat in the summer sun, those were my happiest days."

"Did you check the envelopes before you labeled them?" Chris asked Chef.

"I thought you checked them." Chef replied. The two men giggled with laughter.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"So what if I got the scripts mixed up? They looked the same to me."

"Now you listen, and you listen good," Izzy said, "if your fighter doesn't go down in the first round, you'll be sleeping with the fishes, and uh, that's tough to do because, y'know, they have no eyelids, and it's hard to sleep! Hey, I can flip my eyelids, hey anyone wanna see me flip them?

Chef gave an odd look. Leroy raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, granny Izzy's nuts, but at least she's committed." Trent commented. "Duncan's gonna have a hard time beating that."

"I've lived a good long life!" Duncan exclaimed, slamming a folder shut. "I've loved, I've laughed, but what I miss most of all is my sweet little goat. Shopa, oh, baa, baa!" he cried.

"Baa, baa," Chef repeated. After a few seconds, he burst into tears, as did Heather and Leshawna.

"C-cut!" Chris said. "Okay, enough! It's too much for Chef to take! Duncan clearly wins for best performance. The Screaming Gaffers win it!"

Izzy threw down her bonnet. "Hey hey, oh oh, I was robbed! Yeah, I'll see you in the morning, capice?"

DJ walked up to the weeping Chef. "You're gonna teach me how to be a tough guy?" he giggled.

Chef responded by grabbed him by the shirt. "Tough guys cry! And did you notice how your team just won? Who was the judge, DJ? Huh, who?"

"Okay Gaffers," Leroy shouted, "How about a party to celebrate your victory?"

Loud cheers responded to this statement.

Later, all the Gaffers partied in the guy's trailer (all the Grip males were somewhere else). Leroy brought in his boombox to provide the beatin' music.

As Leroy partied, he noticed Gwen walking out the door. Leroy peeked outside and saw her walking up to Trent, who was leaning on a tree.

"Duncan's performance made me realize some stuff," Trent said, "like, I've loved, lost, but what I missed is my sweet little goat Gwen."

"Baaaaaa." Gwen giggled.

"You guys are just friends, right?"

"Worry not. The guy has a secret photo of Courtney under his pillow. And really, he's no Trent."

"I'm sorry I called you a wannabe."

"Ugh, whatever. All I know is, I don't wanna be you right now."

"Because you're gonna dump me?"

"No chance. More like because you have to go vote someone off."

"Eh, whatever. As long as you're still here, I'm good."

"Speaking off voting someone off," Leroy yelled from the trailer, "Gilded Chris ceremony is in an hour!"

Later that night, Leroy once again played the Gilded Chris theme as the six Killer Grips sat on the bleachers.

"Are you gonna do that every time?" Justin asked.

"Why yes, yes I will." Leroy replied.

Just then, Chris walked on stage as Chef played a drum roll.

"And now it's your turn to cast your votes and determine who will stroll down the Walk Of Shame." Chris said.

All the Grips gasped.

"Under your seats you will find voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. It's easy. So, cast your votes. Who will it be? Who will be cast off the set?"

Chef did another drum roll as a machine printed out the results of the voting.

"And it looks like all the votes have been cast. Chef?" the hulking cook passed him the paper. Remember, if you get a Gilded Chris, you get to stay because rather suitably, the Gilded Chris represents the luster of fame and immortal greatness." A small podium rose from the ground, showing five Gilded Chrises. "And the Gilded Chrises go to…"

"Trent."

"Owen and Beth."

Owen suddenly stuffed his Gilded Chris into his mouth, and when he pulled it out, all that came out was gold foil.

"Mmm. Foil covered chocolate." He said.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Yeah, we kinda changed the Gilded Chris to golden foil-covered chocolate, since frankly, the producers complained about us using real gold last time. Said it was just way too expensive."

"And now, only three nominees left."

Leroy looked at the last two Gilded Chris awards, then at the Gilded Chris-less Lindsay, Justin, and Izzy.

"And the loser is…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Izzy! Time to go!"

"I'm not going anywhere." She said flatly. "That's not my name."

Chris looked at Chef for an explaination.

"Girl likes to be called Kaleidoscope." Chef replied.

"Can I get a pen over here?" Leroy tossed him one. "It says E-Scope now, okay? And remember, you can never come back, _ever_." Chris pressed a button, and two interns walked up and carried her away.

"Take her to the Lame-O-Sine." Chris ordered.

The two unnamed men did as they were told and tossed her inside the rusty vehicle.

"This was just a dress rehearsal, my darlings," she yelled from the roof window as the Lame-O-Sine drove away, "You'll see my star on the walk of fame, mark my words, MARK THEM!"

"In all honesty," Leroy commented, "I'm glad they got rid of her. "E-Scope"", he used air quotes, "was getting pretty annoying."

"Ditto." Chris replied.

Even later that night, Leroy entered his trailer and yawned.

"It's been a long day," he said. He saw the coffee machine he was working on in the corner. Realizing he still hadn't fixed it, he groaned, grabbed his toolbox, and went to work.

* * *

Anyways, hope you find this chapter great. Anything you wanna say? Tell all in a...

...REVIEW!


	5. Beach Blanket Bogus

Disclaimer: I don't own aythin', unless it's Leroy!

* * *

In craft services, a mug was placed on a machine that began pouring coffee into it. Leroy grabbed the mug and sipped the coffee.

"That's better." He said. He had finally managed to fix his coffee machine last night.

Leroy walked over to Chef and saw that he was stirring some kind of brown slop. He scooped up some of the 'food' and poured it on Heather's plate.

"Now I know how starlet steak thin," she commented.

"Wish Chef would let me in the kitchen," Harold said, "I got me some mad culinary skills."

"Do you mind? I was talking to my slop." She sat down on a table. She saw Lindsay and Beth and waved, but they instead walked away.

Meanwhile, Justin was sipping juice when Lindsay and Beth walked up to him.

"Justin, look, I brought you bacon." Lindsay said.

"I brought you facon." Beth said. "Tofu is good for your heart."

"Pig's good for his hair!" Lindsay retorted.

"Oh crap, I love his hair!" Beth screamed as she jumped and hugged his head.

"Ladies, please," Justin said, "I accept both your offerings. Join me for breakfast?"

Both girls laughed.

"Aren't you in?"

"When you can gorge your soul on essence of hunk, who needs food?"

Justin winked at Beth, who fainted.

**Confessional**

**Beth**-"If only making friends with a guy as gorgeous as Justin was as easy as making these bracelets." (she pulls on one, which breaks apart and sends her to the floor)

**Leroy**-(utterly confused) "Facon? What's facon?"

Trent was pouring salt onto his plate of eggs until the cover of the shaker suddenly fell off, causing all the contents to spill.

Duncan laughed. "Sorry about the morning as-_salt_!"

Gwen promptly slapped him. "Third grade called, you're due back in class."

"Real mature." Trent said. "Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt?" he grabbed a clump of it and threw it behind him. The salt landed in Heather's face, causing her to scream.

"Nothing a little pepper won't fix." He poured the pepper, but the same thing happened and he threw another clump which landed in Heather's face again, causing her to sneeze this time.

Duncan laughed again. "You still gonna finish those eggs, bro?" he ate a piece.

"Are you nuts? Now I only have eight pieces left!"

"Am I nuts? Dude, you are officially capital 'W' weird."

"Which is good, because I happen to really like weird." Gwen defended. She ate another piece. "There, now you've got seven pieces, which is an odd number again. Isn't that kind of better?"

"Abso-_Gwen_-ly."

Duncan shook his head.

Just as Leroy walked out of the kitchen, Chris entered the tent, blowing a whistle and carrying a surfboard.

"Hang on to your coconuts, players," the host announced. "We're going back to the beach!"

Only Owen cheered.

"Ever seen one of those 1950 surfer movies where the kids get up to need o' fun before the big bonfire twist-a-thon, and the bully kicks the sand castle in the nerdy guy's face?"

DJ shrugged. Leshawna raised an eyebrow. Harold nodded. Heather sneezed. Gwen and Trent exchanged looks.

"Uh, no _grandpa_, we haven't." Duncan deadpanned.

"Well, get ready to recreate one, _junior_! Two challenges, followed by a tiebreaker if necessary. So, grab your swimsuits!"

Chef grabbed DJ's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"If the sand castle thing goes down," he whispered, "make sure you're the kicker, not the _kickee_."

DJ nodded before walking outside.

"Um," Leroy asked Chef, "is this alliance even legal?"

"I don't know," the cook shrugged, "What I know is, he's my ticket to a free pay."

Leroy gave him an odd look before walking out of the tent as well.

"_Dang,"_ Leroy thought, _"too bad Bridgette's eliminated. She could've easily dominated this challenge."_

Later, in a studio, all the contestants arrived in their swimsuits. However, the temperatures were so cold it was freezing.

"When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?" Lindsay shivered.

"As some of you can see," Chris said, "we're actually in the shooting studio." The host was wearing a white parka.

"And the AC's cranked because?" Duncan asked.

"All the cameras and lights get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart."

The cook gave a disturbingly cheerful grin while waving. He was wearing a green scarf and a small toque.

"Creepy." Leroy commented. In addition to his usual outfit, he was wearing a black scarf that had the same technological design as his shirt.

"And the network told my agent 'sweaty' wasn't a good look for me." Chris continued. Your first challenge: Hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup."

"What did you just ask me to do?" Leshawna said.

"He means whoever stays on the surfboard the longest, wins." Trent replied.

"Exactomundo, groovy cats. So, who's going first?"

All the campers just shivered.

"The team that wins will get a half hour start in the next challenge. And given tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than Justin's abs over who gets first shot."

"Speaking of rock hard abs," Harold whispered to Leshawna, "have you ever seen my ten pack?" he tried to show the nonexistent muscles as Leshawna shook her head.

Lindsay, in an attempt to squirt out some tanner, did manage to squirt it out, but she was pointing the tube in the wrong direction. The liquid immediately hardened into an icicle and hit Harold in the butt, causing him to stumble forward.

"We have a volunteer!" Chris announced. Harold facepamled.

Harold walked onto the surfboard, which was on a mechanical stand, which was on a large pool.

"Mad surfing skills, activate!" he yelled.

"And please welcome the return of some season 1 fan favorites," Chris announced. "The sharks!"

A shark suddenly jumped out of the water and bit Harold in the butt.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"I'm very protective of my buttocks. They provide me with the low center of gravity that is the key to my many mad skills. You can say that they're my hugest 'asset'. Check it! I can juggle my Magic Steve's Magcal Trading Cards!" (he uses his butt pockets to do just that)

Harold had bailed and was currently hanging on for dear life on the upper beams as the sharks tried to jump out at him.

"My booty and I are out!" Harold said.

"Your booty has an opinion?" Leshawna asked.

"That's a big job for such a saggy, sad little thing." Heather commented.

"I'll have you know this is a selfless act! My lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!"

"And by 'lady fans', he means his mother."

"Hey sharks, look! Bacon and facon!" Harold yelled.

Leroy looked at Owen, who was eating said food.

"Breakfast should last all day!" the blonde exclaimed.

The sharks went to the edge to beg for the bacon and facon.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(still confused) "No seriously, what's facon?"

While the sharks were distracted, Harold let go of the beam, where he landed rather painfully on the nearby diving board.

"Way to stick the dismount, bro." Chris said sadistically.

Heather laughed as Gwen and Duncan bumped fists.

"Friendship bracelet?" Beth offered to Trent.

Trent grabbed it. "One two three four five six seven eight nine." He tapped his head. "Ugh, much better."

Beth slowly backed away. "Did you ever notice Trent's a little weird?" she asked Lindsay.

"Did you say Tyler's here? That's amazing!" she replied.

"Okay Linds, Tyler is not in the game anymore."

"Oh, right. I must have a dental block about the whole thing."

"It's mental, Lindsay, mental!" Leroy yelled. He looked at a clipboard. "By the way, you're up."

Lindsay went up to the board. As it began shaking, Lindsay had a hard time keeping her balance. It was made worse when Chris changed the backdrop to that of a storm over a farm, then Chef connected some wires to turn on some giant fans, blowing her away and sending her crashing into the backdrop with a splat.

"Okay," Leroy said as he looked at his clipboard, "DJ! You're up!"

When DJ started, he tried to balance on the board, but one of the sharks jumped up and bit off his swim trunks. DJ covered his exposed crotch and ran away, embarrassed.

"The body's a beautiful thing," Chef called after him, "you don't need a suit!"

"Owen, you're next!" Leroy called.

The second Owen stepped onto the board, it instantly broke apart, unable to handle more than 200 pounds. Owen was sent into the water with a huge splash, enough to send the sharks flying and landing on the ground.

"Sorry shark dudes! Really, I'm so sorry!" Owen yelled as he got out.

Chris blew his whistle. "Break time! Union rules!"

"Finally!" Heather spat.

"I don't mean you, sharkbait!"

The sharks sat down on chairs as Chef served them coffee.

Meanwhile, Leroy looked again at his clipboard. "Gwen, you're next!"

Gwen stepped up to the board. "No sharks, equals no problem." She said confidently.

"Oh, really?" Leroy retorted. At that moment, Chris attached a magazine full of seagulls to a launcher.

"I love this game!" the host exclaimed as he began firing.

Gwen tried to cover herself, but one of the seagulls latched to her head.

"Ah, get it out! Get it out!" she yelled as she fell into the lake.

"Beth, you're next!"

Beth went up to the board, but, combined with the seagull launcher, she was not able to last more than a few seconds.

"Heather, you're up!"

Heather was able to last a few seconds more than the others, but still fell in when her head was hit by the seagulls.

"Trent, you're next!"

Trent did fairly well, but fell in as well.

"Leshawna!"

Leshawna did not fare better, especially when she fell out of balance thanks to a seagull.

"Justin, you're up! And sharks your break time is over!"

The sharks threw away their cups and dived back into the water as Justin climbed up and looked at them before stepping up to the board.

"Yay, go Justin!" Lindsay cheered.

"Yeah, go!" Beth added.

"Copycat!"

"Tanorexic! Sorry, friendship bracelet?"

Meanwhile, Justin stepped up to the board and flipped his hair.

One look as enough to make the sharks instantly fall in love.

"So perfect." Chris said. "Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race."

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"You may not know this, but I am part on the 1% of people in this world who is completely immune to Justin's charm. I'm very lucky. Even Izzy isn't part of this 1%!"

"…_Almost_." Chris continued as he loaded another magazine of seagulls onto the launcher.

"JUSTIN!" Beth yelled.

**Confessional**

**Beth**-"I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god. Instead I said…"

"Your face, watch your beautiful face!"

"Wha-" Justin said before the seagull flew at him. One hit his face as he was sent falling into the pool.

The sharks winced briefly before one of them rushed over to the fallen hunk and brought him to dry ground, then gave him CPR.

"Oh my gosh Justin, are you okay-"

The shark swatted them away as it hugged the revived man candy.

"Love's a beautiful thing." Chris commented.

"Okay," Leroy said, "let's see here…Duncan! You're up!"

"Finally, we have Duncan!" Chris announced as Duncan stepped up to the board. "Try not to get your piercings wet."

Duncan only rolled his eyes as Chris began firing. He easily dodged the seagulls and even punched one down when it came flying at him.

Eventually, Chris ran out of ammo. He looked at some nearby objects.

Duncan barely managed to dodge the chair and stage light that were thrown at him.

"Oww, my head." Lindsay said as she walked up to Chris. The host had a devious grin on his face.

"You gotta be kidding me." Duncan ducked as a screaming Lindsay was thrown and crashed into the backdrop once again.

"And with that, Duncan secures victory for the Screaming Gaffers!"

"Gnarly." Duncan said. The Gaffers cheered as Gwen did a fist bump before hugging him.

"Man, Gwen's team is unstoppable!" Owen exclaimed.

"Try unstable," Trent said, "a ticking time bomb of betrayal! We have to stop them."

"With what? A freight train?"

"…Five six seven eight nine."

"Excuise me?"

"…Four five six seven eight nine!"

"Uh, your secret weapon's being weird."

"If being weird brings us good luck then yeah, I'm weird. Besides, Gwen _likes_ weird." He gave a creepy 'happy' face.

"If you at home like weird, you'll love what's coming up next!" Chris narrated.

"I'm tellin' ya, sometimes being weird is cool." Trent retorted.

"Delusional. So sad. Anywho, Leroy, get the bus ready."

Leroy walked off until he saw the yellow bus in the parking lot. He started it up and drove to the front of the film lot.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action!" he heard Chris announce. "Where against all advice to the contrary, the player have changed _out_ of their bathing suits! Hope you like swimming in your jeans!"

"Right, because we're totally going to the beach this time," Heather replied sarcastically. "The bus is just late."

Just then, Leroy finally arrived.

"You were saying?"

**Confessional**

**Owen**-"Chris actually told us the truth for once? What's next, being treated with actual respect?"

The contestants began to board the bus. Meanwhile, Beth was handing friendship bracelets to her teammates.

"A blue bracelet for Lindsay to match her still frozen lips," a shivering Lindsay took the bracelet, "a green one for Owen because he's a giant human composter," Owen took and ate it.

"*burp* Thanks."

"Watcha got there, Beth?" Justin asked.

"Uh-a whole lot of car sickness," she lied, "I'll blow chunks if I don't get the front seat! Barf! Barf! Barf!" she ran inside.

"Okay, is that everyone?" Leroy asked. "Good."

One second later, the bus disappeared from the front of the film lot. One wild ride and several hundred (if not thousand) screams later, the bus arrived at its destination: near an all-too-familiar shore. Leroy opened the door to let all its queasy passengers out to get some fresh air.

"Ooh, and she got front seat too," Leroy observed as Beth threw up behind a bush.

After that, all the teens lined up beside two sandboxes.

"Yes campers," Chris said, "we're actually back at your old stomping grounds: Total…Drama…Island! If you need to take a moment and reminisce about the great times you had here?"

All the ex-campers just responded with laughter.

"Fine. We'll skip the good memories montage."

"Aww, and I had all the footage ready!" Leroy whined as he stood beside a pile of tapes. He pressed a button and a catapult launched all the tapes into the ocean.

"Screaming Gaffers, you've got a thirty-minute head start on: The Sand Castle Building Contest! To be judged by out resident king o' the dunes!"

Chef put on a prop sand castle tower on his head, covering his chef's hat.

"Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something awesome. I really don't want the tiebreaker to have to go down. I don't think legal's quite approved it yet."

Leroy looked at a dummy under a rock suspended by ropes tied to some sticks. The rock fell and crushed the dummy, then the sticks collapsed, and finally an orange car came out of the forest and crashed into the debris.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Where did that come from?!"

"Okay Gaffers, your thirty-minute head start starts…now!"

The Gaffers wasted no time in filling buckets with sand and a bit of water in order to make the best sand castle yet.

Harold was busy making the sandcastle. "DJ! Wetter sand in that bucket! Leshawna! Pack it firmer!"

"Who died and made you Bossy McPushy?" she questioned.

"I'm a bit of a Gary buff. Frank Gary? Greatest architect of our time?"

"And I care about this because…?"

Harold just motioned to his magnificent sandcastle. "Now how about some props for my fine buttresses?"

"Did Duncan and Gwen go to get more buckets?" DJ asked.

Leroy looked around and shrugged.

_Sometime later…_

"Three, two-" Chris counted.

Chef blew a bugle.

"Thank you Chef. Screaming Gaffers, your thirty-minute lead is over. So Trent, dude, get castling!"

"Water, we need water!" Owen ran.

"I'll hit the mountain stream!"

"Or we could use the _lake_!"

"Quiet! We need a plan, and I've got one!"

**Confessional**

**Justin**-"Lil' Trent man's up! Wow, even I had goosebumps, and there wasn't a mirror for miles!"

Leroy looked at the Grips, who were building a crummier sandcastle than the Gaffers.

""Yeah, that's right." Trent said, "Nine turrets, nine doors, Justin, add one more moat so we have-"

"Nine?"

Trent nodded.

Lindsay noticed a hermit crab crawl past her. She grabbed it, and painted the Killer Grips logo on it and placed it atop a stick on the sandcastle.

"Now we have a flag!" she exclaimed as the crab dropped and crawled away, missing its shell.

"Great, we just need eight more." Trent said as he grabbed another shell.

Owen and Justin exchanged looks.

Leroy looked back at the Gaffer corner.

"The Taj Ma-_Harold_," Harold presented. "It's perfect!" The other Gaffers seemed to agree.

"Great," Leroy said, "Now we just have to wait for the Grips to finish and we can get on with the judging!"

Back in the Grip corner, Trent was trying to place more flags, even though he already placed eight.

"Dude, stop at three, stop at five! Just-just stop!" Justin yelled in worry.

"It can't support so much weight!" Owen added.

"Just one more…" the sandcastle suddenly collapsed. "flag…"

"Augh, it's over." Justin said hopelessly.

"What if I tie these bracelets around the towers to keep them up?" Beth suggested.

"It's a sandcastle building contest, Beth."

"No, it's a _prop_ sandcastle building contest. Anything goes."

"Oh, I have some anything!" Lindsay said as she held up a bag.

"We can make it even better!"

Lindsay opened her bag and tossed out several magazines.

"Everybody, tear up these magazines," Beth instructed, "I'll mix the pieces with hairspray, and voila! Paper Mache!"

"Crafty." Justin commented. Beth blushed.

"Remember, _nine_ of everything," Trent informed.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Hey, Paper Mache isn't against the rules. Otherwise I would've done something about it."

Sooner than later, the Grips finally managed to build a decent castle.

"I dub thee, Casa Gwen." Trent declared.

"Now he's naming buildings after me?" Gwen questioned. "I think Trent might be obsessed."

"Nine moats, nine flags, hahaha, nine wicked jam rooms…"

"At least his number nine is even worse than the me one."

"Four letters in your name," Duncan quipped, "five letters in Trent's, put 'em together and you get-"

"NINE! He can't be doing everything nine times just for me!"

"Dude always does everything nine times." Harold piped up. "I reckon it started when he figured out you might like him."

"One two three four five six seven eight nine!" Trent waved nine times.

"Could say you've uh…sent him to _cloud nine_?" Duncan chuckled. Gwen punched him in response.

Meanwhile, the Gaffers were having trouble, as seagulls have invaded the castle. The Gaffers tried to shoo them away.

"No, there's birds in my belfry!" Harold said.

When the seagulls did leave, they left behind a completely demolished sandcastle.

"Dang! They busted my buttresses!"

"We have a winner!" Chris announced. "Beth and the Killer Grips clever prop: Casa dos Paper Mache!"

The Grips cheered as Trent made a '9' with his body.

"And friendship bracelets!" Beth added.

Chris pushed her aside. "Which means we need a new tiebreaker! And I was hoping for the evening off. Instead, help Leroy gather ye some wood, campers, for a fire of the bon variety!"

In the forest, Leroy was gathering wood, while Gwen was nearby.

Trent walked up to her. "Gwen, hey, I feel like it's been ages since we had any uh…you know, quality time together."

"Uh…" Gwen raised an eyebrow.

Apparently, Owen was behind Trent, making kissing noises. Trent glared at him.

"Check." he said before running away.

"I kinda wanna talk to you about-Owen! I can see you!"

"Do you mind speaking up? I don't wanna miss all the _juicy_ bits!" he was hit with two sticks in response.

Gwen smirked before looking at Trent. "Are you carrying _nine_ sticks?!"

"'Course, it's my lucky number." Trent replied.

"Listen, Trent, I'd love to stay and chat, but I really gotta go and focus on the game right now!" she ran off.

"What am I doing wrong?!" Trent yelled.

"Getting in our way." Owen replied. "Like I said before, the girl likes winning."

"Y'know Owen, sometimes you're really smart."

Owen farted. "Me like beans." He blurted out.

Later that night, the campers assembled on the beach. Chris clapped twice and several torches lit up.

"Why'd you bother sending us out to get firewood?" Heather questioned.

"I needed some alone time. You think these hands manicure themselves." He shoved his hand in her face. "Which brings us to, the tiebreaking challenge: A Watutsi-twist-mashed potato-dorky-old school dance contest! Teams, choose your best bootier for battle!"

Leshawna immediately stepped forward. "Ooh, you gotta pick me. My nickname back home: Leshaken' it!"

"Okay," Leroy said, "Grips?"

"I vote for Trent!" Lindsay said.

"We heard you got some fly moves." Justin added.

"Okay, I'll do it." Trent replied, "If you all say my name nine times."

"Trent, Trent, Trent…"

After that, Leroy set down his boombox and began the beach showdown music.

"And we're off!" Leroy said.

"Prepare for a world of pain, son!" Leshawna said.

"Bring it." Trent retorted.

The two walked off to a short distance and began dancing. Leroy however, took notice of Leshawna, His eyes widened and his jaw dropped because apparently, the sight of her dancing was just so…appalling. When Leroy looked at the Gaffers, they had the same reaction (save Harold, who was dancing along).

**Confessional**

**DJ**-(scoffs) "Yeah, I bet I know Leshawna's _real_ nickname back home: La _Bomba_!"

**Heather**-"Prima Balleri-_no_!"

**Leroy**-(barfing)

**Harold**-"Two words: Fun-ky! What? I loved it!"

Trent was faring far better with his dancing.

"Go Trent!" Beth cheered.

"Shake your lady lumps!" Lindsay added. Leroy facepalmed at that statement.

Gwen looked away. Trent looked worriedly at Owen, who shrugged.

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"The thing is, if Gwen wants to win, why is it unethical for me to help her? I'm Trent first and the Killer Grips second. Oh, can we erase that? Confession might be good for the soul; it's not so good for the teamwork."

Trent began moonwalking until he saw a stick lying on the ground. Winking at the camera, he purposely tripped and fell down.

"Dude, get up!" Justin yelled.

"Ugh, I think I have turned my ankle." Trent said.

"Do something!" Owen yelled.

Trent writhed on the floor until Chris walked up to him.

"That's not dancing!" the host raised an eyebrow.

"It's modern! It's uh…interpretive!"

"I interpret it as sucking." Duncan quipped.

"Shut it, Duncan!" Gwen elbowed him. "I ignore Trent and now he's lost his will to go on!"

"You're giving yourself way too much credit. If Trent has _that_ many screws loose, you didn't unscrew any more of 'em."

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I like Trent. A lot. But I don't wanna be responsible for this much mental distress!"

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Chris said, "but Leshawna and the Screaming Gaffers are the winners! And your reward: The greatest beach party ever pitched!"

The Gaffers all cheered. Gwen motioned for Trent to follow her to the forest.

"Anyways, Leroy, go get the bus ready."

Leroy went over to the bus. He tried to start it up, but it didn't. Leroy tried again. It didn't work. Leroy headed back to the beach, where the Gaffers were partying.

"If the losing team can just follow me to the bus," Chris said before Leroy whispered something in his ear. "Which is broken, which means the losers have to stay and watch their rivals gorge on victory, and poi!"

Later, Leroy had started up music for the Gaffers' beach party. Harold was dominating the dance floor until Duncan kicked sand in his face.

"What was that for?"

"Because you actually have mad skills in dance."

"Good thing we didn't need them, thanks to my smooth moves!" Leshawna said as she struck a pose. Duncan and Gwen laughed as Leroy rolled his eyes before walking over to the Grips, who were all sulking on the beach. Owen took a bite out of the prop sandcastle.

"How is it, Omar?" Lindsay asked.

"As good as dirt and crust and magazine can be." He suddenly barfed all over Lindsay's face.

Justin walked over and sat down next to Beth. "Thanks for winning us the sandcastle contest," he said, "especially since I blew the surfing challenge. You really saved my bacon, or should I say facon."

Beth giggled.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(_still_ confused) "For the last time, what the heck is facon?!"

"Except," Justin continued, "I kinds noticed you gave everyone on the team friendship bracelets, everyone but me. Aren't we friends, Beth?"

"Of course! Here, it's kinda wet, my palm's a little sweaty."

"Red, nice."

Beth smiled.

**Confessional**

**Justin**-"Let's just say I'll do anything to win. _Anything_." (he looks at his bracelet) Ooh, Beth, I love it! I was thinking, Beth, it could be really good for us if we were in an alliance!

_Meanwhile…_

Leroy was lying down on a doily as he was under the bus, trying to fix it. He got out briefly before motioning for a camera to come over to him.

"If I find out who did this," the intern said angrily, "I'll make sure they'll pay, even if it's the last thing I do!"

* * *

A/N: I decided to include a few short scenes with those who weren't seen participating in the surfing challenge. I hope you enjoyed!

Reviews would be greatly appreciated, thank you!


	6. 3:10 To Crazytown

Disclaimer: Nothing owned, but the OC Leroy.

* * *

It was another day at the abandoned film lot. But what was different about this day is that the temperature was at scorching-hot proportions. Leshawna and Heather were under an umbrella, Lindsay and Beth were sitting near the girls' trailer, and Harold was slumped the window inside the guys' trailer.

"Too hot to do anythi-ugh!" he moaned.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"My mad skills are leeching out of me! I can feel it! My mojo isn't sweatproof!"

Leroy then arrived on the scene. He was wearing some sort of helmet, and apparently he wasn't sweating like the others.

"How come tech boy isn't bothered by this heat?" Heather asked.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(with his helmet on) "Wanna beat the scorching sun? Try the new LeroyTech AC Helmet! This helmet generates an invisible field around the user that blocks out the heat and provides the cold air that you need. It's easy and simple to use! See this?" (he points to a dial knob) "It even has an adjustable thermostat!" (he fiddles with the knob) "GAH! TOO COLD! TOO COLD!"

Meanwhile, Justin was sitting on a lawn chair, while Owen was fanning him.

"Can't you fan any faster?" Justin complained.

"You're hot," Owen replied, "but I'm hotter." He chuckled before fainting.

DJ was sitting on a kiddie pool while Duncan was sitting on a bench. Gwen sneezed as she sat under a tree.

"I can't be getting a cold in _this_ heat!" she exclaimed.

"Water?" Trent offered a water bottle. "You're the only girl I'd risk catching some heinous virus from."

"That's uh, sweet Trent, thanks, it's probably just allergies." She drank from the bottle and handed it back to him."

"S'yeah. One two three four five six seven eight nine." He wiped it nine times.

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"Sweet! Think I just scored a few extra bonus points!"

**Gwen**-"And we're back to zero on the relationship scale. Not that anyone's counting." (her eyes widen) "I mean, besides Trent."

Chris arrived on the scene, wearing a cowboy suit and wielding two revolvers in his hands. He fired two shots in the air, startling DJ and causing Harold to hit his head on the window.

"Chris!" Beth yelled.

"My cranium!" Harold exclaimed.

"Take it easy; guns are loaded with blanks!" Chris assured as he blew on the tip of one of them, the smoke causing Harold to cough. "Least I'm pretty sure _one_ of them is. Since there's no beatin' the heat, we're going West this week! There's a town meetin' at high noon! Be there, or I'll drive you deadbeats outta town!"

"If you're driving us outta town," Lindsay asked, "can we go to the mall?"

Leroy facepalmed.

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**-(two intern are fanning her, then her hair suddenly puffs up into an afro) "Ugh, darn humitdity! Watcha think you lookin' at? Nothin' to see here!" (one of the interns is heard laughing)

_12:00 P.M., AKA High Noon_

All teens arrived at the Wild West Movie set. It was so hot, that even tumbleweeds burned up.

Everyone stared at Leshawna as she walked past them. Heather snickered at her new 'hairdo'.

"I'm sorry, do you see somethin' wrong with my hair?" she questioned.

"Not from where I'm standing." Duncan remarked.

"Listen up, partners," Chris said, "In any good Western there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty dames. The hero defeats the outlaw, then rides off into the sunset on the horse."

"What about the pretty dame?" Beth asked.

"None of your _beeswax_! Haha, just messing with ya. They usually hang out in the saloon during the bar brawl."

"Bar brawl. Cool." Harold said as he began pretending to fight someone. As Harold moved forward, Duncan stuck out a foot. Harold tripped on it, and stumbled into a water tub.

"Awesome reenactment, Harold," he said, "Uh, most brawls do end up with the loser in the water drop."

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**-"Back home my peeps and I look out for each other! Harold may be small and strange, but that boy is still my peep. I've got my eye on Duncan."

Harold got out of the water and shook himself dry. The water drops all splattered and instantly vaporized on Justin.

"Oh yeah, feels good." Justin said.

"Enough with the man candy," Chris yelled, "all eyes on _me_! Time for your first challenge! No cowboy worth spittin' at would go one day without saddle practice! Time to saddle up!"

"And here is your steed!" Leroy pointed to an old and dried-up-looking horse. It made a loud and long fart that could rival that of Owen's.

"That's the best steed we could afford?!" Chris questioned.

"You want a five-star hotel, and champagne and caviar for breakfast?!" Chef retorted, "I gotta cut somewhere!"

"It's perfect, don't change a thing!" Chris corrected.

"We could've avoided this," Leroy whispered to Harold, "if Chris didn't spend 80% of the budget on beauty products."

**Confessional**

**Beth**-"Ooh, I love horsies! Justin told me I look like one! He's so…great."

**Harold**-"I spent three summers at Medieval Steve's Medieval Camp. We learned to joust, ride horses, and how to look manly in tights. It's harder than it looks."

**Trent**-"Who says a Western has to end with a guy and his horse? This is the movies! The guy always gets the girl, meaning me."

Duncan scoffed. "You call this a challenge?" he attempted to climb onto the horse.

"Not so fast," Chris said, "you cowboys and cowbabes are gonna have to mount the steed from up there."

Everyone looked at the top of a water tower.

"Not there," Chris corrected, "Waaaaaaay up there."

Everyone shifted their gaze to an even higher diving board.

"That has got to be the second highest diving board I've ever seen." Leroy commented.

"Since the Gaffers won last week, they go first."

Heather and Harold exchanged worried looks.

"Don't worry," the host assured, "our unpaid interns have assured us it's safe."

_Chef was stomping on the hand of a dangling unnamed intern, who was hanging on for dear life._

"_No, no, no!" the intern screamed. Eventually, he let go and plummeted. A crash was heard below._

"_Looks safe to me." Chef smirked._

"_Will he be alright?" Leroy asked (he was behind Chef). The cook just shrugged._

"We won last week," Gwen stated, "why do we have to go first?"

"Because I said so. And I'm your host, Chris Mclean."

Gwen sneezed again. "Guys, I think I'm really coming down with something."

"Don't worry, we'll help you up the ladder." Duncan said.

Trent's eyes widened. "Guys, Gwen really is sick. In her condition, she'd probably fall right off the platform and land on that poor horse."

It took him a second to realize what he just said.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"What was that?!"

**Trent**-(slaps his forehead) "Stupid!"

Gwen gulped at the very high diving board. "Wish me luck." She said as she began climbing.

"We're gonna need a new team captain." Duncan remarked.

"I heard that!" she shot back.

Gwen finally reached the top of the ladder and onto the diving board. She looked down with fear.

"Break a leg, Gwen!" Trent yelled.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"Break a leg?! That's what Trent says to me as I'm about to plummet a hundred feet?!"

**Trent**-(slapping his head twice) "Stupid, stupid!"

Gwen looked down. "I can't do it!" she turned around and walked back, but she suddenly sneezed and fell. She screamed.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-(writing on a notepad) "Acceleration equals mass times the gravitational constinicational equational…not good people, not good."

Gwen screamed as she fell down. Eventually, she managed to land on the horse.

"You okay, girl?" Leshawna asked.

Gwen whimpered as she fell to the ground.

"Gwen!" Trent yelled as he rushed over to her and tried to help her up.

"Thanks. Just watch my left-OW! Arm!"

**Confessional**

**Trent**-(slaps his forehead thrice) "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Leshawna shoved Trent aside as she help Gwen up, without hurting her arm.

"That was awesome, Gwen!" Chris said. "Gaffers: 1, Grips: You're up!"

Trent sighed. "It's not like things can get any worse." He climbed up and jumped off the board. However, his aim was badly off, and he landed rather painfully on the stake of a wooden fence, groin-first.

"Or maybe they can!" he said in a high and squeaky voice. Everyone winced.

"Glad it wasn't me." The host remarked. "Gaffers: one, Grips: zip! Harold, you're up!"

Harold screamed as he fell down from the board. He managed to land on the horse safely, however.

"Wicked!" Harold exclaimed before Duncan jumped off next and landed directly _on_ him.

"Way to pad the saddle, Duncan!" Chris said. Harold groaned.

"Gaffers: 3, Grips: Zilch!"

"Owen, you're up!" Leroy said.

"GOODBYE SWEET WORLD!" Owen screamed as he fell down. The horse, sensing the impending danger, dodged out of the way, causing Owen to crash into the ground.

"Hey, you get back here!" Owen chased the horse.

A crash was soon heard followed by a fart.

"Nice effort, Owen my man," Chris said as the horse struggled to keep Owen up, "if horses can bend, so can the rules. Grips are now on the board with one!"

The Gaffers immediately complained soon after.

"Yeah baby, horse jumping rules!" Owen said.

"DJ, you're up!" Leroy said.

DJ cried as he used a bonnet as a parachute to try and slow his fall. However, a wind suddenly picked up and carried him away.

"Not the electrical wires!" DJ screamed as a loud "BZZZZZT!" was heard. The Killer Grips winced.

"Uh, Chris, you are gonna send someone to help DJ, right?" Leshawna asked.

Chris began to laugh.

_We interrupt the fanfiction for an important announcement._

Chris was sitting behind a desk in the control room.

"Uh, what am I supposed to say again?" he asked. Leroy groaned and handed him a paper.

"We here at Total Drama Action…" he read, "care about the health and welfare of our competitors. Furthermore, no animals were hurt in the making of this show."

_Back to the challenge_

"Justin, you're up!" Leroy said.

Uh, says right here in page 37 of my Gluteus Maximus Modeling contract, I am forbidden from any form of jumping that might strain my uh, assets. Sorry!"

"Can't argue with the fine print," Leroy said, "although you still don't get a point. Anyways, we're running out of time, so we'll just do this by pairs. Lindsay, Beth, you're up!"

"If I go to that big beauty parlor in the sky," Lindsay said to Beth once they were on the diving board, "don't let Heather have my hair, 'kay?"

"Oh no, never!" Beth replied. "Uh, can I have your hair if you die?"

"I don't think so."

Both girl fell off, and managed to land on the horse safely. The horse however, collapsed to the ground.

"Alright, Grips and Gaffers are now tied with three each. It's up to you two," he said to Leshawna and Heather, "to break the tie! Who wants to take one for the Gaffers?"

Leshawna pushed Heather forward. "After you, teammate."

Heather responded by grabbing Leshawna and shoving her forward as well.

Both girls glared at each other as they both began to climb the ladder.

"Why is it that we have to stare at your navel all day?!" Leshawna complained as they climbed, "Put a shirt on!"

"Oh, oh, right, right, because we all love looking at those kumquats on your monkey-esque t-shirt!" Heather retorted.

"At least I have hair." Leshawna muttered as they reached the top.

"Your afro is so big, it has its own gravity."

"I'll show you grabity!" Leshawna pushed Heather off the board, but she grabbed her hand at the last second, causing both girls to plummet.

Leroy closed his eyes, ready for the impact. Except, it didn't come.

"Where'd they go?" Gwen asked.

"Not there," Chris replied, "way up there!"

Leroy looked up and saw Leshawna and Heather, both dangling by the fact that both their shorts got caught on the wind vane on top of the barn.

Leshawna's shorts were the first to tear off. She however, used her afro to land safely.

"Ha, bet you're not laughing at my hair now!" Leshawna said.

Chris however, laughed, not at her hair, but at the fact that in the process, her booty got exposed.

"Well, I guess you showed her, and by her, I mean the entire viewing audience!" Chris said.

Leshawna raised a fist in Chris' face.

"Okay, okay, you don't gotta get my dungerees all dusty! Looks like the teams are still tied at three apiece! To the next challenge for the tiebreaker, cowpokes!"

"Somebody better get me down now!" Heather yelled as everyone else walked away. "Hello? Anyone?!"

_Later…_

Everyone (including Heather) were standing in another area of the set, with Chris in front of them.

"The hallmark of any Western is the quick-draw cowboy showdown!" Chris said, "Captains will pick their strongest cowpoke to compete what will likely be A FIGHT TO THE DEATH! HAHA!"

Just then, Chris' cellphone rang.

"Yello…uh-uh…I see…fine." He put it down. "Our lawyers have informed me that you may shoot until someone is mildly injured or cries like a little baby. But a fight to the death is strictly prohibited. Time to pick your cowboys!"

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"If I'm gonna have any chance with Gwen, I've gotta find some way to help her out."

"The Grips pick…Owen." Trent declared.

"What?" Justin said. "You wanna use Owen for target practice? He's a guaranteed hit!"

"He is a little…large." Lindsay commented.

"I practically take up the whole road!" Owen said.

"Here's your water squirter. Leroy said. However, Owen took both squirters that Leroy held and drank all the water from them. Apparently, Owen was also wearing nothing but a hat, boots, and underwear for some reason.

"Owen! Put some pants on!" Heather said in reaction.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"He's throwing challenges for me again. I do not wanna win this way!"

**Trent**-"Finally, I think I did good. Man, girls are complicated.

"Owen!" Chris scolded. "We needed that water for the quick-draw cowboy showdown!"

"Don't look at me!" Chef replied, "I ain't luggin' anymore water in this heat!"

Owen burped. "Sorry, I was thirsty."

"Okay, new challenge!" Chris announced. "Everyone to the ranch set!"

_At the ranch set_

"Since Owen ruined the last competition," Chris said, "your final challenge of the day will be calf-roping."

"Where are the cute little baby cows at?" DJ asked.

"There aren't any. Grips are the cowboys, Gaffers are the cattle. If the cowboys rope the cattle, they win. The cattle dodge the cowboys, they win."

"But how do we know who's who?" Trent asked.

"Grips get to wear these stylin' cowboy hats," Leroy held up a cowboy hat, "Gaffers get to wear udders!" he held up an udder hat.

"You just had to ask." Heather scolded.

"Sorry. I bet you'd look really cute in the hat Gwen." Trent said, "_Udderly_ adorable."

**Confessional**

**Trent**-"'Udderly' adorable? Augh, stupid, stupid! I'm totally blowing it again!"

**Harold**-(wearing the hat; giggles) "I have cow boobies on my head!"

**Duncan**-(wearing the hat as well) "Stupid million bucks."

"Would the cattle care for some hay?" Chris asked.

"Would the host care for an udder sandwich?" Duncan retorted.

"I'm good. Chef will now judge the competition! Yo, Chef!"

Chef came into the scene, this time wearing a red dress and a bonnet. The cook brought out a fan.

"Love the dress, _Chefette_." Chris commented.

Chef growled. He grabbed some rope Leroy was holding, and used it to tie Chris tightly to a stake.

"Maybe when I _change_, I'll untie you." The hulking man said as he walked away.

"I can't feel my arms!" Chris sighed. "Let the calf-roping begin."

DJ and Harold exchanged looks before running away. Beth and Trent exchanged looks as well before chasing after them, twirling their lassos.

Justin tried to rope Heather, but he missed. Beth however, was surprisingly successful in doing so.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Heather asked, down to the ground.

"Calf-roping, baton twirling, all in the twist of the wrist!" Beth replied.

Meanwhile, Justin was able to rope DJ, due to the latter just standing still.

"Heh, for a big guy, you're pretty unstable." The male model commented.

"And that's two cows down, and four more to go!" Chris announced, now having freed himself.

Lindsay tried to rope Leshawna, but she missed and roped a stake instead. However, she continued running until the rope suddenly pulled her back and tangled her in it.

"None of this would be happening," she said, "if Chris had taken me to the mall like he promised!"

"But he _didn't_!" Leroy yelled.

Meanwhile, Gwen and Trent walked backwards until the bumped and faced each other.

Looking at him, Gwen shrugged and raised her arms in defeat. Instead however, Trent threw the lasso to the ground.

"Aw shoot, so close!" he said.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"Okay, this has to stop. Why can't Trent just play fair?"

**Trent**-"What girl doesn't love it when a dude helps her out? Holds a door, opens a pickle jar, helps her win a million-dollar competition…"

"Can't catch me, can't catch me!" Harold ran. His pursuer was running out of breath.

"He's," Owen panted, "right! I can't…" he fell to the ground.

Meanwhile, Trent was sitting on a rock. Lindsay came by and roped him.

"Got you, cowboy!"

"Lindsay, I'm on your team. Rope the cattle, you know, the people with udders?"

Lindsay only laughed. "You're funny!"

Later, all the Grips managed to pick themselves up and chased the Gaffers, lassos twirling in their hands. The Gaffers however, came across some nearby rope. Soon, it was role reversal as the cowboys were chased by the cattle.

Gwen roped Lindsay as Duncan and Leshawna roped Trent and Beth. Owen, who stopped to catch his breath, was an easy target as Harold chased Justin.

**Confessional**

**Justin**-"I just found out I have a new neck modeling contract. Apparently I have excellent tendons." (he stretches his neck) "See, see, check it out, you like that?"

Justin stopped in terror. "Not the face, or the neck, hands, feet, legs, knees, or anything in the chestial region." He dropped and sat in the fetal position as Harold roped him.

"Gotcha! That was too easy."

"Hiya, sugar baby." Leshawna said to Harold as she roped Justin as well.

"Well, what do we have here?" Chris said. "The cattle have roped the cowboys! A bit unexpected, but what the heck? The Gaffers win!" Cheers erupted from the Screaming Gaffers.

A roped suddenly snagged Harold and pulled him away.

"Uh, hello? We're on the same team!" he said to his captor.

"What? You're gonna go all medieval camp on me?" Duncan replied.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-(completely covered in rope) "I can get out of this any time."

"You Grips are losers," Chris said, "and you know what happens to losers?" He pulled out a sizzling-hot L-shaped brand out of a fire. "Which Grip wants to take the heat?"

The rest of the Killer Grips dashed away, leaving Trent in the dust.

"Got anything in a 'G'?" he asked.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"G? Like for Gwen? Augh, Trent wants to brand himself with my initial! This has gone way too far."

**Trent**-(slaps his forehead three times) "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" (an intern come by and powders Trent's now reddish forehead) "Haha, thanks."

Chris dunked the iron brand in a cooling tub. "Legal says branding's out. Guess I have to settle for booting one of the Grips off in the most exciting Gilded Chris Ceremony ever! Now, go shower. You stink! Peeeee-yew!"

"Do I save to shower too?" Leroy asked Chris.

"No, and maybe you can one of those for me sometime." The host replied.

Later, everyone was lined up near a barrel. Harold was currently using it.

"Hurry up, Harold!" Lindsay said.

"Yeah, I have to go pee real bad!" Owen added. "Of course, I'd never go in the barrel!" he giggled nervously as Heather glared at him. "Okay, I would."

An annoyed Duncan eventually shook the barrel.

"But I haven't finished sudsing my hair!" he tipped it over completely. "Ow! Soap in my eyes!"

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**-"I'd like one good reason why that punk-haired, skull-shirted wannabe keeps picking on poor Harold!"

**Duncan**-"You wanna know why I pick on Harold? Here's a hint: She's about yay tall, has beautiful brown hair, and could tear you limb from limb?" (briefly cuts to static) "No, it's not a bear. It's Courtney. Harold got Courtney booted last season. Yep, payback's a-"

Leroy headed back to the film lot. There, Trent exited the washrooms, having chosen to use them rather than the barrel.

Gwen approached Trent. "What happened to bathing in a barrel like the rest of us?" she asked.

"Ah, I figured I've made enough of a fool of myself today." He replied.

"Trent, we need to talk."

"Aw, please tell me this isn't what I think it is."

"It's what you think it is."

"I told you not to tell me that."

"Trent, you're a great guy, I mean that. But this isn't working."

"Is this because I offered to brand myself with a G?"

"No. Well, yes. But it's not just that. You've got your…quirks and I've got mine. I get that. But you've been throwing challenges for me and I need to win this fair and square, okay?"

"What are you saying?"

"It's over. I'm sorry."

"I hear ya, loud and clear."

But little did they know that someone else was hiding behind the washrooms, listening in on their conversation.

"So do I." Justin said as he walked away.

Leroy saw all this, and he had a worried look on his face.

Later, Leroy arrived at the cast trailers. He saw Gwen exiting the girls' one. Just then, Justin suddenly confronted her.

Teel them what I just heard you say to Trent." Justin threatened, pointing to the Killer Grips."

"Sorry, I can't hear you," she fake-sneezed, "head cold!"

"Fine. I'll do it then. Trent's been purposely throwing our challenges for Gwen."

"No way!"

"That's so unfair!"

"Gwen would never let Trent do that, ever! Right, Gwen?"

"Depends on how…there are other ways to…augh, it's true."

Beth gasped. "You two have been cheating? How could you?! You're our friend!"

"It wasn't my fault. I wasn't in on it, I swear."

"Why should we believe you?" Justin asked.

"Because I broke up with Trent." She replied.

The rest of the Grips gasped.

"This…this whole thing could be a ruse!" Justin assumed. "Some strategy to make it to the final two!"

"Wow, beauty _and_ brains." Owen commented.

"I wasn't in on it, I swear!"

"Prove it."

"Fine. Vote Trent off! Things have gone way too complicated between us anyway. You'd be doing me a favor!"

"Great cheery cheesecake, she's bluffing!" Owen gasped.

"We'll see about that." Justin said. "Either way, you owe us, Gwen."

She sadly nodded. Leroy, who had watched the entire spectacle, gasped.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-(looking worried) "My word…"

At night once again, Leroy played the Gilded Chris theme as the five Grips on the bleachers cast their votes.

"The votes have been cast!" Chris announced, "If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe. For now."

Chef walked on stage, carrying four Gilded Chrises in his hands. He was now wearing a black tuxedo with a purple bow tie.

"What happened to your dress?" Chris asked.

Chef said nothing; he just gave him an 'I'm watching you' gesture.

"And the Gilded Chris goes to…Lindsay, and Beth."

Both girls cheered as Leroy tossed half to the Gilded Chrises to them.

"Justin."

"And last but not least…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Owen."

Owen grabbed his Gilded Chris in joy and hugged Justin, but both guys soon realized what they were doing and quickly pulled apart.

"Sorry, dude."

"Sorry."

"Awkward." Leroy whispered.

"What?" Trent said. "This has to be a mistake!"

"Trent, it's time to go!" Chris announced.

"But…I can't leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!"

"Yo Chef, a little help here?"

Chef walked over, grabbed Trent, and walked away.

"GWEN!" Trent yelled as Chef tossed him into the Lame-O-Sine.

Chris slammed the door shut as the Lame-O-Sine drove away. "3:10 to Crazytown, Trent is now aboard!"

Just then, Leroy's cellphone rang.

"Yello, Leroy here…yeah…m-hmm…okay…Aftermath show?...Fine."

Leroy put down his phone.

"So they're asking me to work on this Aftermath show…" he shrugged.

_The next day_

Leroy put the finishing touches on the studio.

"It's perfect!" Geoff said.

"And just in time too!" Bridgette added.

"Okay, everyone in position!" Leroy said. "The show is about to start!"

* * *

This took kinda longer to make...especially since I was thinking of the ending scene since Leroy will appear on the Aftermaths as well, overseeing them.

This is all for tonight, I. M. Poik says good night!

Oh yeah, and review, too!


	7. The Aftermath: I

Hey, I'm back! Sorry for not updating this in a while, I had problems with lack of inspiration and internet connection, but I'm fine now. So here is the next chapter!

Disclaimer: Don't own anythin' but OCs.

* * *

"Okay," Leroy said, "we're live in three, two, one!"

The crowd watching the show in the studio cheered as Geoff and Bridgette took their place in the center couch of the set.

"What's going on, everyone!" Geoff said. "Welcome to the brand new, totally off the hook, Total Drama Action Aftermath Show!"

"We're coming to you live," Bridgette added, "to dish everything Total Drama Action!"

"This is where the real action is!" The audience cheered. "I'm Geoff!"

"And I'm Bridgette!"

"You may remember us from such series such as Total Drama Island and its even more thrilling sequel, Total Drama Action!"

"Which we were voted off of for kissing," Bridgette reminded, "and lost out on a million bucks!"

"I still say making out makes for awesome television."

"Yeah, but not too much!" Leroy commented.

"But hey," Geoff continued, "now we've got our own show, and this is way more fun, right?"

Bridgette chuckled. "Right. Now we get to hang with you, and we're super stoked for the new season!"

"What do you guys think of it so far? The film lot, totally awesome, right?" the audience applauded. "We are so psyched to be here!"

"Yeah, speak for yourselves." Eva quipped. She was sitting on a two-level couch on the right side of the stage, along with the seven others who failed to qualify for the season.

"I was speaking for myself," Geoff answered, "but, glad you reminded us you're here. Eva, everyone!"

Eva awkwardly smiled and waved at the crowd.

"We've brought along all our peeps from first season," Geoff announced.

"They may be losers, but not in our book, right Geoff?"

"That is so sweet, you guys!" Sadie cooed.

"Alright," Geoff introduced, "we've got Cody!"

'The Geek' shot a finger pistol at the camera.

"And Noah!"

'The Schemer' just smiled.

"Ezekiel."

"Go homeschool!" 'The Homeschooled Guy' was picking his nose.

"Let's give it up for Eva!"

'The Female Bully' just gave another look.

"Katie and Sadie!"

'The Sweet Girl' and 'The Sweet Girl's Friend' held hands.

"We are so super excited to be here!" Sadie said.

"And a shout-out to Courtney!"

"We are gonna sue the pants off this show, Michael!" 'The Type A' whispered into a cellphone.

"Uh, whoops, okay."

"And Tyler!"

'The Jock' winked at the camera and waved.

"There you are dude," Geoff quipped, "would somebody please tell Lindsay?"

Laughter followed this comment.

"We've also got a ton of texts and e-mails from all of you!" Bridgette added.

"Plus, we'll have a couple of you on webcam." Geoff announced. "Which is super, super cool."

"Izzy-I mean Kaleidoscope will be here!"

"And of course, Trent!"

The audience clapped loudly, accompanied by wolf-whistles.

"Aw, poor Trent, right? What happened to him is just so wrong."

"We felt so terrible for Trent," Sadie quipped, "like he went nuttier than my sister's peanut allergy. Hi Cindy!"

"But he's still super cute!" Katie said, "I barf in my mouth a little everytime I think of what happened to him."

"Oh my gosh, me too! *hurk!*"

"Uh, okay, cool." Geoff said awkwardly. "Thanks for that. It's almost time to welcome our first guest. But first, take a look."

Leroy pressed a button on a remote and the screen above the hosts immediately turned on, showing various footage of Izzy during her time on the set.

"Izzy's time on Total Drama Action may have been short," Bridgette narrated.

"But it was a real wild ride." Geoff finished.

"The girl got a _monster_ crush," she drew a heart around Izzy when the animatronic monster put her down.

"And later, suffered a serious blow at the hands of Chef Hatchet!"

Chef thinks he's killed her," Bridgette drew a circle around Chef's scared face during the alien movie challenge, "Look how freaked he is!"

"Serves the dude right," Geoff commented, "Oh, watch, I love this part!" in the footage, Izzy sprang up after being seemingly dead. "Check her out! Hilarious, man! Ultimately, it was Duncan who killed Izzy's chances when the two took to the stage."

"Ooh, the drama. But ever the diva, Izzy will be back for more. Our first guest has impersonated a grizzly and was caught peeing in a pool. Currently no. 8 on the RCMP's most wanted, Izzy, AKA Kaleidoscope!"

Leroy looked at the screen. It showed the green room, where Izzy was watching herself on a screen while eating crackers.

"Ooh, I'm on TV!" she exclaimed.

"That's because you're on." Leroy said as he entered the room.

Izzy suddenly spit out something. "Oops, cracker crumbs, you get back here!" she grabbed all of the crumbs, and grabbed a few olives and more crackers, then dropped them down her tank top before coming on stage.

"E-Scope!" Beth hosts greeted.

"Hi, Bridgette, Hi, Geoff." She said, "It's so glad to be here."

"Awesome to have you," Geoff said. "but bummer about the show. Gotta be tough losing out on a million big ones."

"Yeah, well you would know."

Bridgette narrowed her eyes.

"Hi, you guys!"

"Hi, Izzy!" Katie and Sadie said.

"Hi, everyone out there in TV land!" she waved. "Graham Cracker! That's my old boyfriend, Graham!" she pointed at the audience. "He got a restraining order against me last year. Remember that. Graham? So funny. Okay, we were in the court room, and the judge was all like, 'You cannot come within 200 meters of the plaintiff or you shall suffer the consequences of this courtroom!' The long distance was hard, but we made it work. By the way, Graham, you should get new blind for your room. What are they made of, lead? I couldn't see a thing with my binoculars! Miss you, Graham Cracker! I am totally into crackers right now. They're just so flaky!"

"No wonder about that restraining order." Leroy muttered under his breath.

"Kind of like someone we know." Bridgette said.

Geoff cleared his throat. "So Izzy, how did it feel to be the first one voted off the show?"

"I don't know Geoff, how _did_ it feel?"

"_We_ were the first one voted off the show." Bridgette whispered.

"Was it disappointing? Humiliating? A sober experience, Geoff?"

"Sure it was disappointing, I mean, it's like you got dreams for this money and-hey man, _I'm_ supposed to be asking the questions!"

Several chuckles followed, Leroy's was heard in particular.

"My life is an open book." Izzy continued, "Well, not yet, it will be once I write it, and you open the book."

"What went through your head after being voted off?" Bridgette asked.

"When you realize you're not getting a Gilded Chris Award, well, I can't lie to you."

"Wow, it's that painful to remember?"

"No, I just can't lie to you. I was outfitted with a lie-deterrent microchip that emits shockwaves at the first hint of dishonesty. That's a really nice top, Bridge-*zap* Ow!"

"Okay…so what exactly did losing out on the Gilded Chris mean to you?"

"It meant I missed out on that buttery chocolate statuette. Oh, I once took an art class sculpting chocolate moods; my instructor said I had a flair for cocoa. *zap* Ow! Okay, okay, he said I was totally loco! That's what he actually said."

"I think it's time we play a fun little game called," Geoff announced, "Truth Or Hammer!"

Leroy ran onstage, pushing a large golden statue of Lady Justice before pulling out a ridiculously large wooden mallet and smashing it into pieces.

"Haha, works like this," Geoff explained, "we ask you a question, and if you give the wrong answer, a huge hammer will swing down and knock you clear out of your chair!"

"If my implant doesn't get me, the hammer will!"

"Should we give it a test run?" Geoff asked.

"You see," Leroy quipped, "the hammer has the same lie-detecting technology that Izzy's microchip has. By the way, I was the one who put that there."

A large hammer suddenly swung down. Leroy and Izzy managed to dodge it.

"It works!" Leroy said.

"Missed me!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Nice one, E-Scope! Bridge, a question, please?"

"Uh yeah, okay. Season two started off so well for you. Where'd things go wrong?"

"I think it's when I turned down that secret alliance with Chef."

Gasps and whispers among the audience.

"You mean, Chef actually tried to form a secret alliance with you?"

"Uh-huh. He said he'd help me win this thing if I shared the money with him."

"Huh…wait, I think we've got a never-before-seen clip! Awesome!"

Leroy pressed a button on a remote and the screen cut to static before playing the clip.

"I'll help you man up and win this thing," Chef told Izzy, "we split the prize money, 50-50." He held out his hand.

"Hi-ya!" Izzy kicked Chef in the chest, which knocked him away. ""Oh, I don't think so!"

"Woah,"

"I can't believe Chef did that!"

"Awesome impact!" Geoff drew a red circle where Izzy kicked Chef. "Ooh, check it!"

"Oh, look at that poor guy!" Bridgette pointed to a wide-eyed Leroy in the background.

"Dude thinks he's next!"

"Hey! I'm standing right here, you know!" Leroy retorted.

"I would never try to hurt Leroy." Izzy said as the hammer suddenly swung down. She barely managed to dodge it. "Nearly got me that time!"

A glaring Leroy gave an 'I'm watching you' gesture to her.

"So, then what happened?" Geoff asked.

"My guess is Chef made a deal with DJ. Yeah, I think Chef threw the acting challenge with Duncan so DJ's team won and I lost but hey, what do I know?"

"A lot, apparently."

"Let's hear from a viewer now." Bridgette said, "GluePunx350 asks, 'Do you think DJ will get busted?'"

"Well, I don't know about DJ," Izzy replied, "but I busted my arm once. Yeah, look, now I'm double-jointed! I'm doing it, backwards!" she bent her arm in the opposite direction. Geoff and Leroy gave her weird looks.

"Should we move on to Trent?" the former asked.

"Yeah, onto Trent!" Izzy cheered.

"Trent is such a stand-up guy," Bridgette said, "he did not deserve what happened, right?"

"Oh, totally not!" Sadie commented.

"And all because of Gwen." Bridgette continued.

"Woah, back up, Bridge. Couple's break up. Wasn't Gwen's fault."

"Trent lost out on a million bucks because of Gwen."

"So? Gwen went behind Trent's back and told his team to vote him off. That doesn't mean-"

The audience suddenly gasped.

"Woah, what?"

Leroy looked at the screen which was now showing Trent in the green room.

"Aw man, what?" Trent yelled. "Are you kidding? Gwen did _what_?! This is a joke, right?"

"My word…" Leroy mumbled.

"Um," Geoff stammered, "Did someone not tell the dude? Sorry man."

"Poor Trent." Bridgette commented.

"How was I supposed to know?" Geoff snickered before clearing his throat. "That was harsh. Tough break. Gwen may have asked Trent's team to vote him off, but dude was purposely losing all their challenges. They would've done it anyway."

Cheers from the audience.

"Maybe. But Gwen stabbed Trent in the back, she dumped him and told his team to vote him off the show to cover her own butt. That's low."

"Gwen should pay; so should Trent." Eva commented.

"Trent isn't innocent in this," Geoff said, "what about the time he kissed Heather? Gwen was totally wrecked, remember?"

Sadie gasped. "I remember. Trent totally cheated on Gwen per season."

"That was _Heather's_ fault. She tricked Trent into kissing her!"

"But the dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the _hottest_ chick on the show."

A loud gasp emitted from everyone else.

"What?"

"I cannot believe you just said Heather was the hottest girl on the show!"

"I mean uh-he shouldn't have kissed her! Ugh, I wouldn't have."

Everyone waited for the hammer to swing down…but it never happened.

"It's the truth! You're super hot too, Bridge. You're sweet and caring, y'know. Heather's just got...an edge."

"It's called being mean!" she pushed Geoff to the floor, "Or have you forgotten how awful to me she was first season?!"

Leroy's eyes grew wider when he heard the crowd's excited chants within all the commotion.

"She was like that with everyone." Geoff argued.

"Oh, and yet you still think she was the hottest chick on the show! Maybe you should be dating her!"

"Well, maybe you should be with Trent! You sure are defending the dude enough!"

Izzy suddenly came up between the quarreling couple. "Uh, can I show you guys something that I can do with my eyelids?"

"I think it's time we take a break." Bridgette said.

"Oh, now you wanna _break up_?!" Geoff yelled. "Well, that's just great, Bridge."

"I think she means a break for ads." Izzy corrected. "We'll be right back!"

Leroy pressed a button on his remote. The screen switched to an ad featuring a dish with flies buzzing around it in front of Chef, who was holding a jug-shaped hunk of meat with a skunk's tail sticking out of it.

"This episode of the TDA Aftershow was brought to you by Chef's Roadkill Café, where Sundays are Bring Your Own Meat. You hit it, we spit it."

_Five minutes later…_

"We're back!" Izzy announced. She was now sitting on the main couch, with Bridgette and Geoff sitting on either side, backs turned to each other. "We're talking Gwen and Trent with Geoff and Bridgette! Got a little sidetracked, but we're good now, right guys?"

"Ugh, fine, right, whatever."

"Ugh, fine."

"Okay. Seems our lovebirds can't agree on anything. Bridgette's on…"

"Team Trent."

"And Geoff is on…"

"Team Gwen. Woo. Hoo."

"We need help settling this little lovers' quarrel, so thanks for all your texts and e-mails. Oh, and uh, feel free next time to use ESP. I'm psychotic."

"Uh, I think you mean psychic." Bridgette corrected.

"I'm pretty sure my therapist said _psychotic_." Bridgette's eyes widened. "Should we check on Trent first?"

The screen lowered again with a press on Leroy's remote. It showed the green room, where Trent was now in tears.

"Uh, how about a video, okay?"

"A look at Gwen and Trent's relationship. Check it out."

Leroy began playing the clips, which began with the first day on Camp Wawanakwa.

"Ah, young love." Geoff began. "I remember what that was like."

"Trent only had eyes for Gwen when he sang her a song in the talent show. What a sweetheart." Bridgette stated. Courtney, Katie, and Sadie swooned in agreement.

"Yeah, he was a _real_ sweetheart, when Gwen was buried alive and Trent forgot to dig her up." As Geoff said this, a clip from 'Phobia Factor' played, with Trent hurriedly digging Gwen up and the latter throwing a walkie-talkie at him. Cheers erupted from the audience.

"The beach incident was totally forgotten," Bridgette continued, "until _Heather_ came up with a plan to kiss Trent in front of Gwen. Gwen was _devastated_."

"So was Trent. Plus, Trent made it up to Gwen by supporting her in the final challenge."

"He ran alongside her carrying a rock."

"It was sweet, and it won Gwen over."

"Once on the film lot, Gwen and Trent's hookup didn't last long."

"Forced onto opposite teams, the stress of competition finally got to them."

"You mean it finally got to Trent."

"Uh so he got a little lovestruck. Gwen dumped him and told his team to vote him off!"

"He was SABOTAGING HIS TEAM'S CHALLENGES!" Geoff yelled. "The Grips would've voted him off anyway! Dude did not deserve to win the million bucks!"

Izzy had to restrain Bridgette from attacking him. "Okay, time to settle this. Either we talk, or we thumb wrestle."

"Fine. Talk."

"Okay, we know how you two feel, let's hear from everyone else."

Sadie raised her hand. "At first, I was totally on team Trent. I mean, poor guy. But seeing that video reminded me of how devastated Gwen was when Trent kissed Heather."

"You mean when Heather kissed Trent." Katie corrected.

"Same thing!"

"Uh, no it is not. That's like saying you got our faint blue swimsuit in the second grade before I did when I got it first!"

"You did not!"

"Did too!"

"I'm definitely team Gwen," Cody said to Noah, "she's hot, and I have her bra."

"I'm on team Gwen," Courtney said, "not because I like her, but because Trent is a _loser_. By choice!"

"Maybe it's time we bring out Trent." Izzy suggested.

Leroy nodded and lowered the screen. This time, in the green room, Trent was crying while playing his guitar.

"_You went behind my back,_" he sang, "_In the worst kind of an attack, oh. Now you find me gone, I'm no longer your pawn._"

The audience applauded at this.

"Our next guest was unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend and cheated out of a million bucks. Please welcome Trent!"

Leroy opened the door to the green room as Trent rushed out and took his seat on the left couch, beside Izzy.

"We're live on the TDA Aftermath with Trent, everyone!" Bridgette announced.

"Good to have you on the show, dude." Geoff greeted. "Brutal about before."

"Geoff is really sorry about what happened earlier." Bridgette said in a forceful tone.

"It's cool. Wasn't his fault." Trent replied.

"So, what happened, Trent?"

"Uh, I'm not really sure." He replied. "Things were going great until Gwen and I were split on different teams. Then she and Duncan started hanging out."

"Ugh! Duncan is so gonna get it!" Courtney whispered angrily.

"And then the competition set in." Trent finished.

"…And something else." Bridgette added.

"What do you mean, how crazy things got?"

"How crazy _you_ got. Careful how you answer this, 'cuz a great big hammer could come down and knock you right outta your pants!"

"Huh? Uh, I guess somewhere I decided Gwen was more important than the money."

Geoff moved back in anticipation, but the hammer didn't come down.

"Aw come on, where's that hammer? It was a million bucks, dude."

Bridgette slapped him. "We gave up the million bucks!"

"I-I don't know, I guess I just lost my game," Trent said. "I really let my team down. Sorry Grips."

A chorus of "Awws" emitted from the audience.

"I gotta ask about the whole number nine thing, dude. Check it out."

Leroy began to play the footage from 'Beach Blanket Bogus'.

"_Nine moats, nine flags, haha, nine wicked jam rooms…"_

"_Four letters in your name, five letters in Trent's, put 'em together and you get-"_

"_Nine! He can't be doing everything nine times just for me!"_

"Augh dudes," Trent said, "This is so not where my lucky number nine comes from!"

"It isn't?!"

"Augh Duncan, that idiot!" Dude sure knows how to play the game. The number nine thing has _nothing_ to do with Gwen. I had this toy train my granddad gave me as a kid. Right before he died, one of the wheels fell off, so there were only nine. I was devastated. So my mom told me nine was now my lucky number."

"Awws" came from the audience again. Even the eight on the couch on the right were moved by the story.

Katie wiped a tear. "Oh I am so on team Trent."

"Me too." Sadie added, and the two BFFLS hugged each other.

"Uh, can I switch teams?" Courtney asked.

"I knew Duncan was up to something!" Trent said.

The screen switched to a picture of a mortified Gwen.

Bridgette chuckled. "See how mortified Gwen is? Well, this is what she's going to look like when she learns the truth." She drew a large pair of cartoonish eyes with large pupils over her real ones.

The audience laughed at this.

"We've got a lot of e-mails here." Bridgette continued. "Snowgirl writes: Trent, what kind of girl are you into?"

"It was a girl like Gwen." Trent replied, "Guess I'm gonna have to find a new type."

Katie and Sadie immediately volunteered.

"Sorry girls," Geoff said, "but it's time to check in on our webcams. We've got Ginger from Sudbury. What up, Ginger?"

A girl who somewhat resembled Beth appeared onscreen. Her hair was orange and was tied in pigtails.

"Trent! I'd love it if you went psycho crazy over me!" she yelled.

"There you go. Another admirer." Geoff said.

"Uh, yeah."

"Thanks Ginger." Bridgette continued. "We've also got Steve the…Yeti? From Vancouver!"

The screen cut to what looked like Sasquatchanakwa.

"How's it going, dude?" Geoff asked.

"Chris Mclean," 'Steve' said in a gruff voice before slowly shifting to a more familiar tone, "is the best host ever! How'd you get your own show? You stink!"

"Yo Chris," another familiar voice yelled, "if I wanted to take the hot tub by myself I-ooh, you on the webcam?"

"Chris?" Both hosts asked in unison.

'Steve' smiled nervously until Chef suddenly appeared on the screen. "Don't believe a word Izzy says." he advised, "The girl's crazy."

Trent looked at Izzy, who smiled and shrugged.

The cellphone on the table suddenly ringed.

Geoff picked it up. "Oh, and we've got a call. Hello?"

"Gwen and Trent stink!" a high-pitched voice yelled on the other side, "Go team _Eva_!"

"You're on team Eva? Why?"

"Eva should have won the hundred grand!" the voice suddenly shifted to a familiar one. "And I'll pound anyone who even-"

"Eva!"

A shocked Eva put down her phone and glared.

"Oh, speaking of getting pounded, it's time for: That's Gonna Leave A Mark!"

Leroy started to play a tune to introduce the segment.

"Ah, the humiliation never ends." Bridgette remarked.

"Dudes," Geoff announced, "here's what you _didn't_ get to see on the show!"

Leroy snickered as he eagerly pressed a button on his remote. The screen began playing never-before-seen clips from the show.

A campy tune began to play as the screen showed a clip from 'Riot On Set', where Duncan and Izzy were walking backstage. Suddenly, a spotlight fell and hit Duncan square on the head. Laughter could be heard; Leroy's most distinctively.

"Looks like it's 'lights out' for Duncan!" Bridgette remarked.

"I'll say." Geoff continued as a circle was drawn around the impact. The screen switched to another clip of 'Monster Cash', where DJ was running away from the animatronic monster as Duncan watched in horror. "And here, he's about to take it again!" he gave Duncan a clownish makeover, complete with wig, red nose, and ridiculously large shoes. "Trent, I know you wanna lay the guy out for what he said to Gwen, but I think the monster's about to beat you to the punch!" the monster stomped on Duncan. Geoff giggled as he drew some limbs sticking out.

The next clip was from 'Beach Blanket Bogus', where Lindsay was busy making her team's sandcastle. Suddenly, she retracted her finger because a crab had pinched it.

"Ouch!"

The next clip was from '3:10 To Crazytown', where Beth was twirling her lasso. However, she got her legs caught in it, and as a result, tripped and fell to the ground.

"I don't even know what to draw for that one!" Geoff laughed.

The last clip was from 'Alien Ressur-eggtion', where Chef dressed as Mama Alien walked across the hall. However, he slipped on a puddle of slime and landed head-first on the ground.

"Now that's gonna leave a mark!" Geoff finished as the audience applauded. "Oh man, that was brutal!"

"Do you guys think I can sing a song?" Trent asked. "It's something I wrote after Gwen and I broke up."

"Aw, for sure, Trent."

Trent began to play his guitar and sing.

_You ripped my heart out of my soul,_

_You never text me back anymore._

_Now, I remember the nights we stared into the sky,_

_But now, you make me feel like dirt._

_And though I never told you that summer, girl,_

_You were my entire world._

_But now you're gone._

As Trent finished, the crowd cheered and whistled wildly. Even Leroy nodded in approval.

"Bridge, I'm sorry about all that stuff with Heather." Geoff said to her. "I think you're the hottest girl on the planet."

"Aw, right back atcha. I mean, you're hot too."

"You guys are lucky you got such a healthy, well-balanced-"

Trent was cut off by the sound of Bridgette and Geoff making out once again.

"-relationship."

"Can we get that hammer out here?" Izzy asked. "I guess that's a wrap! Geoff and Bridgette will see you next time!"

"If they don't get fired." Trent added.

"We got a huge season coming up!" Geoff moaned.

"Which means we'll be coming to you live for the next aftermath." Bridgette said.

"Don't forget to join Chris next time for the most dramatically thrilling episode of Total…Drama...-"

"-Action!" Izzy finished.

_Later…_

Leroy was sweeping the floor after everyone left (sans Bridgette and Geoff, who were still making out).

"E-hem." Leroy rolled his eyes. The kissing couple looked at him for a moment before raising their legs.

"Yeesh." Leroy muttered as he swept. After a while, he began to think about the earlier issue to Trent getting voted off until he came to a realization.

"Wait a minute," he thought, "Gwen wouldn't have told the Grips to vote him off if _Justin_ didn't blackmail her!"

* * *

Yeah, I'll do as hard as I can to finish the next one soon, so see you next time!

Please Review!


	8. The Chefshank Redemption

First of all, I know it's been nearly a year since my last update. A combination of unexpected events, unforeseen side effects, and a large case of writer's block have forced me to stop working on this. I can't make surefire promises, but I'll do my best to make sure the next chapter doesn't take that long again.

Anyway, here we go with this way overdue chapter!

* * *

Leroy woke up in his trailer once again. This time though, he had a spare shirt on his head. He yanked it off and saw the insides of the trailer. More clothes were scattered about on the floor and the furniture. The refrigerator was slightly open. Unfinished inventions littered his work table.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Man, it's only been six challenges and my trailer already looks like a dump! Last season took longer than that!" (sighs) "Looks like it's cleaning time again."

One half hour later, Leroy entered the craft services tent with a large sack behind him. He tossed it into the nearby futuristic laundry chute (which he invented) before coming up to the counter.

"Yo Chef, what's for breakfast?" he asked.

"For you, the usual deluxe meal." Chef replied. The meal consisted of a fried egg with five juicy strips of bacon and two sausages as well as garlic rice and lastly, a glass of orange juice.

"Mmm," Leroy said as he devoured the meal in a speed that could rival that of Owen's. "Okay, I'm done."

Leroy went to the cast trailers afterward. He planted some sort of lock on the doors. Afterwards, he rang an air horn.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Chris told me to lock the doors so he give the wakeup call. Anyways," (clears throat) "wanna make sure your home is completely safe? Then get the new LeroyTech Security Lock!" (he holds up the lock that he had just used) "It's easy to apply to your doors, and even windows! It's also remote controlled, so there is no use trying to pick it! The material it is made of is almost as hard as diamond, and it also has a _shocking_ security system if one would try to pry it open! It's like this." (he tries to pry open the lock, but he gets zapped and falls to the ground) "I'm okay!"

Leroy headed back to the craft services tent and entered the kitchen. He saw DJ there.

"What's he doing here?" the intern asked. "I thought I locked him in with everyone else."

"Yeah, remember the alliance I made with him?" Chef replied, "part of it is makin' him my cookin' assistant. Anyways," he cleared his throat and turned to DJ, "okay maggot, I'm gonna ride you 'til your confidence coats the back of a spoon, and your self-respect form de-peached! No more mama's boy, DJ. You've got to learn." He held up a cleaver and used it to chop several disgusting items, including an old boot, an apple core, a rotten banana, and a tin can, all covered in green glop.

"Uh, what is that?" DJ asked.

"Taste _perfection_, boy." He poured the glop into a pot and spoon-fed DJ part of it. "What you're tasting is pride, son," he said as the brickhouse retched, "the most important virtue in a man's life. Now stir that pot!"

Chef left the kitchen, leaving the intern and the brickhouse alone. "If Chef wants pride," the latter said, "mama's gonna show him pride, with her special flavor blend," he held out a shaker, "Mama's Spice." He began pouring the blend into the pot.

"Um, I don't think Chef's gonna approve of that." Leroy quipped. To prove his point, Chef suddenly reentered the kitchen, grabbed the shaker from DJ's hands, crushed it in one hand, and dropped it before leaving the kitchen again.

"I said no more mama's boy!" Chef yelled as he walked away. Leroy followed suit.

As Leroy arrived back at the trailers, Leroy saw Chris in a policeman's uniform.

"Prison movie's today?" the intern asked. Chris nodded in response.

Leroy heard several poundings on both doors. "Should we let them out now?"

"Eh…" Chris shrugged.

Leroy pressed a button on his remote and the locks on the doors immediately opened. The girls' trailer door was the first to open, letting them all out. He then walked over to the boys' trailer and opened the door.

Big mistake.

Leroy was startled and knocked over as the guys flew out of the door, apparently planning to use Owen as a battering ram.

"Hope you enjoyed your first taste of the _gulag_." Chris said.

"Gulag? I didn't get any gulag." Lindsay replied as Justin brushed some dust off his pajamas.

"Well prepare for it to get a whole lot worse," Chris continued as he brought out a metal baton, "because today is _prison flick_ day!"

The contestants all groaned at this.

"Lovely," Heather commented sarcastically, "at least we've got the only actual _ex-con_ on our team."

"It was only juvenile detention," Duncan shot back, "don't get too excited."

"Ah prison," Chris began, "the confinement! The claustrophobia! The vile, nasty food! And you're always looking over your shoulder, 'cause Mr. Killer Dude wants to cut ya for taking the last tater tot! And no matter how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's no escape! Unless you get voted off, of course."

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"Talk about overkill. This place is plenty prison-like already. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I should probably be locked up for the ladies' sake anyways."

Leroy led the contestants to studio 7C, where the prison movies used to be filmed. Two cell props were on either side while two tables were near them.

"Lockdown, people," Chris said, "let's get this challenge started! Teams, take a prisoner from the competition. And Chef, I mean, _warden_," Chef entered the room wearing his army outfit, "lock 'em up."

"It's in the bag. Gwen owes us." Leroy heard Justin whisper to his teammates.

"But what if locking her up means she's out of the challenge though?" Beth replied.

"But we can't know, remember?" Owen quipped, "We need this bag!"

"Let's flip a coin," Lindsay suggested, "heads we win, tails, victory is ours!"

The other Grips glared at her. Leroy facepalmed.

Leroy looked over at the Gaffers.

"Remember when Lindsay locked herself in the bathroom?" Heather whispered to them.

"She _lost_ it!" Gwen replied. "Drank everyone's shampoos in case any of them were 'magic potions' and then barfed on herself!"

"She'll crack for sure." Duncan said.

"Choices, Gaffers?" Chris asked.

"Lindsay." Heather flat-out said.

"Yay! I win!" Lindsay cheered.

"Grips. Now remember, this is an _important_ choice. Especially for plenty ol' losers like yourselves."

"Oh, we shouldn't have any trouble beating _Gwen_." Beth deviously winked.

Gwen gulped.

"Today's first game is," Chris continued, "the prison chal-lenge!" he ripped off a tarp, revealing a dumpster full of revolting and rotten food and junk, with a few flies around it. "Each team of prison Chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most barf-inducing slop this side of Alcatraz! Gwen and Lindsay have to stomach as much as they can. Last one to power hurl, wins."

Chef led Lindsay to a cell. "I can't! I'm innocent I tell you, innocent!" Lindsay yelled as Chef closed the door.

"That's what they all say." Chris commented as Gwen was locked in her cell.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I know I owe the Grips because of Trent's cheating. But even if we forget Lindsay's shampoo incident, last night she nearly hurled because Leshawna's gum smelled too minty fresh. How am I gonna puke before that?"

The gross ingredients were now set on each table.

"Gross…" Lindsay hurked.

"The reward better be worth it." Gwen muttered.

"Have I ever let you down?" Chris asked. "Wait, scratch that. Anyway, the winning team gets this!" he held up a golden shovel.

"What are we supposed to do with a shovel?" Lindsay asked.

**Confessional**

**Harold**-"Everybody knows more wars have been one with the shovel than with the sword. Give a man a hole, and what does he have? Nothing. But give a man a shovel, and he can dig a hole to contain the nothing."

**Leroy**-"In case you're wondering, the shovel's not made of gold. We just grabbed a shovel and painted it with gold.

"Prisoners ready?" Chris said. "And…cullinate!"

Everyone else scampered to find the most revolting ingredients to put in the bowl.

"Duncan goes right for the roaches," Chris narrated, "Harold tops it off with some slimy anchovy paste and oh-here come the horse lips!"

"Where do you even get these things?" Leshawna asked.

"They're obviously imported, gosh!" Harold replied as the two walked away.

DJ walked up to the concoction. "How's a self-respecting Chef supposed to serve that?" he brought out a can similar to the one used earlier. "Momma's spice. And momma would be proud. I think." He poured it in, but Chef rushed over to him.

"NO MORE MOMMA'S BOY!" he yelled as he grabbed the shaker and crushed it.

"Besides, it's against the rules." Leroy added as he looked over to the Killer Grips. There, Beth gave Justin some dirty hairbrushes.

"Nice work, Beth." Justin complimented.

Beth giggled and swooned, but not before something fell out of her mouth and into the concoction.

"Augh, a whole lot of dead hair going into the Grip's concoction," Chris narrated, "Oh, and what's this?" Owen walked up to the bowl and began scratching his hair, causing dandruff to drop into it.

"_On top of spaghetti, all covered in flakes!_" Chris sang loudly, "_And Gwen has to eat it, 'cause them's just a break!_ Time's up! And jailbirds, hope you're appetites are primed!"

Justin handed the Grips' concoction to Gwen.

"Feeling queasy?" he taunted.

Meanwhile, Harold handed the Gaffers' concoction to Lindsay.

"We have the brazed horse lips with the got brains fricassee, and the fish gut reduction, topped off, of course, with some toenail clippings." he said. "Bon appetit."

"Horse lips are low fat and low carb, right?" Lindsay asked nervously.

"Are you maggots ready?" Chris asked.

One of the maggots on Gwen's dish giggled mischievously.

"One minute to down that chow! And…dig in!"

Gwen began to take a spoonful of her 'food'.

**Confessional**

**Gwen**-"I was imagining every horrifying, barf-worthy thing I could. Drinking the janitor's mop water. The time my brother puked on my neck on the Tilt-A-Whirl. When I was babysitting and the dog ate the kid's diapers and then licked my face. But nothing was working!"

Lindsay reluctantly took a spoonful of her dish and swallowed. "Wow, that's delicious!" she exclaimed.

Leroy and Chef looked suspiciously at DJ (in Chef's case, angry as well), who nodded.

"It's like I'm eating at angel's wings!" Lindsay continued. She devoured the entire dish, much to the Gaffer's surprise.

Gwen continued eating the 'food', as Leshawna and Heather looked on (worryingly for the former).

Gwen suddenly spit out a retainer.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**-"Hey, she _spat_ it out. That doesn't count as barfing. They're two different things, y'know?"

"Thanks," Beth said as she picked up the retainer. "My dad would've killed me!"

Beth put the slimy retainer back in her mouth. The sight of it, however, was enough to cause Lindsay to barf. Unfortunately for Leroy, however, he was standing between the cells, where Lindsay's blown chunks were heading. Fortunately for Leroy, however, he saw this and ducked out of the way in time as the barf hit Gwen in her cell.

"Gwen keeps it down for the Screaming Gaffers and wins the reward!" Chris announced. The Gaffers cheered as Leroy handed them the golden shovel.

"Aw, don't worry Gwen," Chris said in a faux consoling voice, "you and the Gaffers have the golden shovel! They'll be thanking you in the elimination challenge!"

Lindsay walked up to her. "Thanks Gwen," she said sarcastically, "so much for our deal!

"What were you and Lindsay just talking about?" Heather questioned Gwen as she passed by her.

"The weather. Windy and cold with an 80% chance of barf." She flicked on of Lindsay's blown chunks on her head.

"You're up to something," Heather said. "and I am finding out what."

DJ ran up to Chef. "Chef sir, did you see that challenge? You were right Chef, pride is everything. Thank you."

"YOU'VE LEARNED _NOTHING_!" Chef rebuked.

"B-b-but pride, Chef!"

"PRIDE?! Pride and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee! What a man _really_ needs is loyalty! If it wasn't for Beth's disgusting retainer thing, you could've blown it for the whole team!"

"Oh…wow." DJ hung his head in shame.

Chef raised an eyebrow. "I was once like you. Young, weird, kind of ugly, but you got a gift, and I want it. Don't let it go to waste, like I did. Meet me in the kitchen after the challenge. You're on permanent KP3, soldier."

**Confessional**

**DJ**-"Who knew Chef was such a softie? But I can't argue with the man. I got the gift." (he brings out another shaker) "More spice. I love my mama." (Chef's hand suddenly appears and grabs the shaker. A crushing sound is heard offscreen.)

Soon, everyone was now outside in the prison yard, with two laundry carts next two them.

"Elimination challenge, here we go!" Chris announced. "No get-outta-jail-free cards here, people! This is escape from Total Drama Pen! Each team must hop in their laundry cart while one member pushes through the obstacle course to freedom! When you reach the wall, get digging! First team to reach the boxcart of freedom win immunity! Convicts, select a pusher!"

"I'll do it!" DJ volunteered.

"Are you sure you can handle the pressure?" Gwen asked suspiciously. "Everything is riding on this. But, if you like being the one who could lose us the whole thing…"

"Huh?" Heather asked in confusion before glaring at DJ.

"I should probably lie down." DJ said as he wiped a sweat of his brow and jumped into the cart.

"It's okay DJ, I'll do it." Gwen said deviously as she winked at the Grips, who in turn, winked back.

"The girl is seriously sketchy," Heather noted, "I, for one, refuse to trust her."

"I'd trust _anyone_ more than I trust you," Leshawna pointed a finger at Heather, "Now get up in that cart and shut it, Ms. Sourpuss-Im'ma-vote you off-next!"

Heather opened her mouth to retort, but Duncan walked past her.

"Seriously Heather, shut it." He said. She could only glare at them.

"So, which of you guys is pushing us?" Beth asked the Grips.

Immediately Owen faked a knee injury. "Oww, dang trick knee's been acting up since that time I uh…pushed it to the max at the uh…sports." He hopped into the cart.

Apparently only Lindsay fell for it, obviously. "Aww, poor thing. Justin, we can use some real manliness here."

"Woah, girls," Justin excused, "The Gaffers have _Gwen_ pushing. We don't want it to look uneven. I think we need a girl, too, to help hide the whole cheating business, and beautiful, the way you took on the last challenge nearly blew my mind."

Leroy, who was standing next to Chris, stared at Justin suspiciously.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "Something's not right. Could it have to do with that challenge-throwing incident?"

Both teams were in their carts, with Gwen and Lindsay pushing for the Gaffers and Grips, respectively.

"This is it, teams," Chris said, "On you marks, get set, escape!"

Gwen immediately took off. Lindsay meanwhile, struggled to push her cart.

Gwen easily dashed past the first few obstacles, but when she reached the swinging bags, the Gaffers ducked, except Heather, who got hit by one of them.

Lindsay continued to struggle, but only managed to push the cart forward a couple of feet.

"Come on, pump those foxy legs, come on, pump!" Justin said.

"Do you know…how much you and Omar weigh?" Lindsay complained. "I'm doing my best!"

"Wow Gwen," Beth yelled. "You're going even faster than _Trent_ ever could!"

At these words, Gwen suddenly stopped in the middle of the baton statues.

"Is there a problem?" Heather asked suspiciously.

The Grips suddenly passed them, Lindsay having finally managed to pick up the pace, with Justin cheering.

"I demand and explanation," Heather complained. "Why have we stopped?"

"Augh, ooh, cramps! Cramps!" Gwen faked.

"Were they talking about Trent?" Heather questioned angrily. "The guy you were so over? The same guy who happened to get voted off last time? Coincidence? Or did you and the Grips cut a deal?"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Oh, I give you serious props for that nefarious scheme, but if it's true, you are a goner."

"I am cramping up, I swear! Augh!"

"If she's got a cramp, she's got a cramp," Duncan defended, "we _humans_ get them."

"I have just the thing for cramps!" Heather raised a fist, "Now get pushing!"

Reluctantly, Gwen resumed her pushing.

Meanwhile, the Grips were smooth sailing, at least, until they neared the wall.

"Lindsay?" Beth asked.

"Lindsay?" Justin asked nervously.

"Lindsay!" Both of them screamed.

Fortunately, Lindsay got the picture, screeching to a halt, only managing to nudge a sleeping Owen's head to the wall, waking him up.

"Huh? I was having this terrible dream," he said, "I was on this show, and we were in prison, and we had to-" he looked around. "Aw, nuts! Err…beer nuts."

"Get digging, Sleepy McBumper-Head!" Beth ordered as she shoved a spoon into his hands.

As Owen began digging, the Gaffers finally arrived at the end, where Leshawna hopped out of the cart.

"Someone's dirt's in my hole! I'm gonna get it out!" Leshawna declared as she began digging rapidly.

"Leshawna, you'll hurt yourself!" Gwen yelled.

"Hmm, would it kill you to offer a little encouragement?" Heather complained again, "Someone who wants to win might do?"

"Sue me for caring about the well-being of my teammates!" Gwen rebuked.

Soon, both teams were underground. Leroy sent two Intern's Eye cameras down their holes before using his jetpack to fly over the wall to the boxcarts, where Chris and Chef were waiting.

Leroy watched the screen, which had split focus on the two teams. He selected the Killer Grip feed.

"Justin, I can hear them way ahead of us!" Lindsay said. While she and the others were digging, Justin was only admiring his reflection in the spoon.

"Chill," Justin assured, "Gwen's throwing the game, remember?"

"Oh right! I keep forgetting!"

"Okay, what do you say we ratchet this operation back a notch, huh?"

"Ah, no…" Leroy muttered as he quickly switched to the Gaffer feed.

Harold cheered as Leshawna took the frontline and began digging.

"I'm starting to like our chances," Heather said.

Gwen looked uneasy, before getting an idea. Leroy saw her fake her claustrophobia, before screaming and grabbing the shovel, then smashing it on Harold's head.

**Confessional**

**Harold**\- (with a bandage wrapped around a lump on his head) "Classic prison madness. And that shovel thing? Heck, everyone knows: First day of prison, break something over some big dude's back, then nobody messes with you. I'm kinda scared of Gwen now, and kinda _attracted_ to her. Don't tell Leshawna. Or Heather. Or Gwen!"

"Team, we're the Screaming Gaffers," DJ said, "We're gonna win even if we have to dig with our bare hands! Even if we have to eat our way out!" he brought out yet another can of spice.

"Danger Boy, Toothpick, Soul Patch, Puke Breath," Leshawna addressed Duncan, Heather, Harold, and Gwen respectively, "Mama Boy's right. Let's get our dig on!"

Leroy saw a rumbling in their tunnel. A hand burst out of wall before out popped the head of a certain eccentric redhead, who was wearing a camo cap and a few branches.

"Kaleidoscope?!" the Gaffers exclaimed.

"Yup, I'd say that's her." Duncan said.

"I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs!" Izzy said as one popped out of her branches and raised a fist.

"Aw Butchy, it's okay," she said, "these are my friends!"

"You were a Killer Grip!" Heather pointed out. "One of our sworn enemies!"

"Friends, enemies," Izzy said, "living down here, it changes like, your whole perspective! Follow me, I know a shortcut to the finish line!"

"A shortcut?!" Gwen gasped.

"Isn't it great, Gwen?" Heather taunted. "We're totally going to win, Gwen!"

**Confessional**

**Gwen**\- "What choice do I have? If my team knew the truth, I'd be toast!"

Leroy activated his jetpack (which was nearby) and flew over the wall, and to the boxcarts to join Chris and Chef.

Immediately after he landed, a part of the ground near him collapsed, revealing a hole. Whichever team came out of it would be the winner.

It was…

…

…

…The Killer Grips.

"The Killer Grips win the challenge!" Chris announced.

Immediately after, a rock moved and Leshawna popped out of it.

"Aw heck no!" she exclaimed as she saw the Grips cheering.

Izzy's head popped out next. "We won! We won!" she cheered.

"We?" Leshawna questioned.

"What? It's way more fun to be on the winning team." Izzy replied as she went to join her former team.

"They actually won?" Gwen asked incredulously.

"Try not to look so upset, traitor!" Heather shouted.

"Alright Killer Grips, high five!" Izzy said as she ran up to her team members.

"But we voted you off!" Lindsay pointed out.

"Uh-uh, you voted off _Kaleidoscope._"

Leroy gasped as he suddenly had a flashback to when Izzy was first voted off.

"_Yo guys," Chris said as Izzy was dragged away, "wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll authorize it. Foresight, that's why they pay me the big bucks."_

"So, Izzy's still technically in the game!" Owen concluded.

**Confessional**

**Izzy**\- "So, that Leroy guy like, really scares me. And I know, because I've never really been that scared for like, since that phobia challenge! He said to me that the show will officially refer to me as 'Izzy' from now on, and that the next time I get voted off, I _stay_ voted off."

**Leroy-** "My goggles have the ability to, _insinuate _fear in anyone if I stared directly while wearing them if I wanted to. It's mostly for self-defense, and/or keeping anyone in line."

Both teams were currently in the craft services tent, eating dinner.

"If you were food, you'd be dessert." Owen said to Izzy. "Chocolate-covered chocolate with chocolate sauce and sprinkles. Chocolate ones."

"That is so nice, Owen." Izzy complimented, "You're banana split with like, 26 bananas and a whole lot of split."

Leroy, who was leaning on counter as usual, looked over at the Gaffer table.

"It's so sad that you'll be kicked off tonight, isn't it, Death Mask?" Heather taunted Gwen.

"What makes You Royal Smugness so sure?" Gwen retorted.

"I saw through your little stunt. You threw the challenge. We'd still be in that tunnel if it wasn't for Izzy. You're gonna pay." Heather replied.

DJ walked up to Gwen and offered her a plate of 'food'. "Gwen, here. After all the barfing, running, and digging, you need to keep your strength up."

"Aw, thanks DJ. I can always count on you."

Leroy narrowed his eyes at Gwen. An earlier thought ran through his head, before a devious idea followed…

At the Gilded Chris ceremony, Leroy once again played the theme as the Gaffers, for the first time ever, voted.

"Time's up!" Chris announced. "I'll tally the votes! Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold," Leroy threw the awards to them in that order, "another award, and, another day to compete. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million, goes to…"

Heather and Gwen glared at each other.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Heather!"

Heather walked up to the stage, took her award, and shoved Chris aside.

"Sorry Gwen," she said to the mic, "you're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic."

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**\- "Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right, but something must have gone off of Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet little head like that. Girl wasn't right. And when you're not right, you're wrong."

**Harold**\- "Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game, according to prison rules, I'd either break a shovel over her head, or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible."

**Heather**\- "My vote plus Leshawna and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye-bye, Gwenny!"

Chef slapped a pair of handcuffs on Gwen's hands.

"Dead girl walking!" he yelled as he escorted her to the Lame-O-Sine.

"Leave her, take me!" Duncan said.

"Sure, whatever." Chef said as he prepared to cuff him.

"What? Wait, wait, okay no, I didn't actually mean-"

Gwen grabbed the handcuffs from Chef. "Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, 'kay?"

**Confessional**

**Gwen**\- "Definition of lousy? Being a stickler for your word and having to vote yourself off. Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!"

Meanwhile, Leroy smirked as he walked off the stage.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "I may have slipped the Gaffers a little 'present' showing the sabotage proof that may or may not have influenced their vote. I know Gwen was one of those who broke that bus that I was forced to fix. When someone does me wrong, I don't stop 'till I get my revenge." (snickers)

* * *

I just really hope this makes up for my long absence from typing, you know what I mean?

\- I. M. Poik


	9. One Flu Over The Cuckoos

Phew, finally managed to get this out! Anyway, here we go!

Disclaimer: Do not own anything but Leroy.

* * *

Leroy went over a checklist. As of the moment, he was cutting up cereal boxes, painting them and folding them as to make them look like book covers, and gluing them to a bunch of papers containing information that he faked.

"Let's see," he said as he finished up that last one. "Fake Medical Books, check. Rig Pizza…"

He looked around in the craft services tent and made his way to the kitchen, where DJ was making pizza with Chef Hatchet.

"Leroy," the hulking man said, "another batch of it is ready."

"Okay," he said as he took the finished pizza. He went to one of the tables and took out a small bottle of itching powder and a can of laxatives. He then laced the pizza carefully with said items, making sure to hide any traces of them subtly.

"…And done!" Leroy said as he looked at his finished handiwork, before placing the fake books and the rigged pizza on a table and covering it with a tarp.

_Later…_

Leroy made sure that both cast trailers' doors were locked and jumped away just as the contestants arrived from the Gilded Chris Ceremony. He quietly slithered around and soon reached an ambulance. After starting it up, he quickly drove to the cast trailers, dropped off the cargo that was waiting in the back, then drove away. He headed at high speed for the lake, and jumped out in the nick of time as the ambulance fell into it, as Leroy played an air guitar in the massive explosion that followed.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "That thing was a huge pile of junk anyway, so I figured, why not?"

Leroy ducked back into the bushes and watched as Chris emerged from the tarp of the stretcher he dropped off.

…"I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our most awesome challenge yet," Chris held up one of Leroy's fake books. "These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school. And each one of you gets one," he tossed a book to Duncan, "'cause tomorrow, we're gonna play doctor!"

Duncan rolled his eyes.

**Confessional**

**Duncan**\- "I hate doctors. They just get off on telling people stuff they don't wanna hear, like 'Don't pick on that scab', or 'if you eat nothing but pickled eggs, you'll die'. Hey, don't tell me what I can't eat. Now _playing_ doctor, playing doctor I can handle.

**Harold**\- "I could be a doctor if I wanted to. I have plenty of hands on experience, (a hand puts makeup on him) 'cause I've contracted more than 300 known diseases, (the hand retreats) and I've been cured of nearly all of them. But there is no known vaccine for loving Leshawna."

"To win this challenge," Chris explained, "you're gonna wanna memorize the _entire_ contents of these textbooks, by morning."

"But it's already so late!" Heather complained.

"You got that right," Chris said as a cart driven by Chef rolled in, "what med school all-nighter would be complete without _pizza_?"

Leroy watched as Chef grabbed a stack of boxes containing his rigged pizza. Owen dropped his book and took the stack.

"Mmm, that smells good!" Owen inhaled the pizza scent.

"It's gotta be a trick." Leshawna said.

"More like method acting." Chris corrected as he jumped onto the cart. "Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So dig in, 'cause there's plenty more where that came from!" the cart drove away.

"They don't know what they're in for." Leroy chuckled as he made his way to the craft services tent and entered the kitchen, where DJ was busy making the pizza with Chef.

"Keep 'em coming!" Chef encouraged, "I'll add the final _cheesy_ touch!" he added what Leroy recognized as the itching powder he used earlier.

"My team will wonder where I am." DJ said, worried.

"Not as long as they're eating they won't!" Chef barked, "So hush up and spin that dough! Spin like the wind!"

After a while, DJ cooked up the last pizza and took it out of the oven.

"Okay, I think that should be more than enough." Leroy said to him, "you can go back now."

DJ wiped his brow and walked out of the kitchen.

Leroy looked at a pile of finished pizza. "Hey Chef," he asked, "is that pizza contaminated?"

Chef shook his head.

"Good, I'm starving." He dug in like there was no tomorrow.

Afterwards, fully satisfied, he went out of the kitchen and noticed that Duncan and Leshawna had walked out of the tent.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "Meh, their loss."

Next morning, Leroy yawned as he entered the building where all the contestants were lined up. All of them looked tired, except for Duncan and Leshawna.

"So tired." Harold moaned.

"Owie, my brain is full!" Lindsay complained.

"Oh man, nothing like a good night's sleep, am I right?" Duncan said. The rest of the contestants groaned in response and Heather made a slicing motion on her neck.

Chris rushed in through the double doors. "Morning competitors!" he greeted, "Or should I say, _DOCTORS_!" he brought out a bazooka and shot several reflector headbands and stethoscopes at the contestants, landing on their heads and necks respectively (except for Lindsay's, which knocked her to the ground).

"Ready for today's big challenge?" Chris asked.

"Some of us are more ready than others." Heather glared at Leshawna.

"You made your choice, I made mine!" Leshawna retorted.

"Ooh, tension, my favorite!" Chris said. "Let's take it inside." He motioned for the contestants to follow him.

Inside the room, there were two tanks filled with some gross liquid, as well as two high dive boards and two platforms, one for each team.

"Today's reward challenge is called: Visiting Hours." Chris explained. "And only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward."

"If only one of us gets the prize, why even bother trying to win? Duncan asked.

Leshawna sighed. "A challenge is a challenge. It's one for all and all for one."

"Yeah, but if we win, who gets to be the one?" Duncan questioned.

"The person who most directly contributes to the win." Heather responded.

**Confessional**

**Heather**\- "As in, _me_! Duh!"

"Chris, you haven't told us what the reward is yet." Harold pointed out.

"You're very perceptive, Harold," Chris said, "Let's see if that will help you and your team assemble a _cadaver_!"

Lindsay gasped. "You mean like, a dead body?"

"No, I mean like, a _giant_ dead body!" Chris answered. "These tanks contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers. Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord, and jump into the tank in hopes of retrieving a body part. Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms." He pointed to the chains holding said platforms. "Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof, where they'll be reanimated by a blast of lightning! First team to bring a Franken-Chris to life wins!"

As if on cue, Leroy pressed a button he was holding, which made two ray gun-like devices emit a burst to electricity.

"First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose!" Chris said.

Beth raised her hand. "Administer two CCs of pain meds and probe the affected area with a sterile swab."

"Correctomundo!" Chris said.

Beth went up to the bungee board and dived down into the tank. When she came back up, she was holding an eel, which predictably electrocuted her.

"What the heck was that?!" she asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the electric eels." Chris answered. "Three zaps and you're out!"

Beth dived again, and this time, she got a metallic leg, which she passed on to Owen, who put it on the indented platform.

"Okay, next question: You're patient has an itchy red inflammation on their butt! Diagnosis?"

"Diaper rash." Heather answered. "Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectic dispersion."

"Yes." Chris said. Heather climbed up and dived. The first two times, she got eels, but the third time she grabbed an arm and tossed it.

"Got it!" Duncan said as he deliberately shoved Harold aside and caught the body part, then stepped on his stomach as he walked away.

"Whoopsy-daisy." Duncan said.

"Gas pedal…" Harold moaned.

"Next question: Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud! Diagnosis?"

Owen raised his hand. "I know this! Pinkus Eyecus! Treat with two rounds of flopperty jibbits!"

"Absolutely correct!" Chris said. "I messed around with some of the terms in the textbook." He whispered to the camera.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "How stupid are these contestants? I'm no medical expert, but 'flopperty jibbits'?" (bursts out laughing)

Owen strapped himself to the bungee and dropped down. He managed to get a leg and tossed it to Justin.

"Don't let it touch my hair!" Justin shrieked as he tossed the part to Izzy, who attached it to the platform.

"Nice work Iz-" Owen began until the rope snapped and sent him into the tank, causing the eels to shock him. "Oh come on!"

"Smells like earwax?" Chris asked.

"Pineapple-itis." DJ replied. Chris gave him a high-five.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- (laughing)

DJ dived down. He ended up getting a couple shocks.

"Dirt between the toes?" Chris asked.

"Stick two horse feathers up the whizzbang!" Lindsay answered.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- (Trying to hold it in) "'Horse feathers'? Horses don't have feathers! And 'whizzbang'? That's ridiculous!" (laughs, again)

Lindsay jumped down and managed to grab the lower torso of the Grip's cadaver.

One by one, more parts were getting retrieved, bringing both cadavers close to completion.

"Waka-waka two by four!" Izzy answered a question.

Owen used his stethoscope on Chris' chest. "Sissy Pants McGee!" he said, to the host's approval and shock.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- (He isn't even visible, he's actually on the floor, laughing his heart out)

As the time passed, Leroy saw that both cadavers are nearly done.

"The Gaffers are ahead by… a head!" Chris announced.

Heather dived in next and pulled out a hand, which she tossed to Duncan, who used it to pull down Harold's pants.

"Gosh, that is so not cool!" Harold said.

"Alright, you two, separate!" Leshawna scolded. "Stop getting up in Harold's grill, okay? We win this, maybe you'll get the reward." She said to Duncan.

Leshawna walked up to Harold. "Don't let him get to you baby, he's just playin'!"

"He's lucky I didn't pull a karate move on him!" Harold leered as he did a hand chop.

"Actually, I think you, me, and Duncan could form one heck of an alliance." She suggested.

"A what? With _him_?!" he rebutted. "Are you nuts?!"

"I'm just trying to look out for you! Unbelievable…" she grumbled.

**Confessional**

**Harold**\- "How can Leshawna even talk to Duncan?! He's a worthless punk, or my name isn't Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady the fifth!" (gasps) "Please don't tell Duncan about the Doris part!"

DJ dived in and grabbed another arm. "Last piece, coming your way!" he gave a heads up, as he tossed it to Duncan, who attached it to its place on the platform.

"The Gaffers have their cadaver!" Chris announced. "Time to start yanking some chain, and be quick about it 'cause the Grips are right behind you!"

DJ and Harold started pulling on the chain as they raised their finished cadaver.

"I got it, I got it!" Izzy yelled as she came up with their head and tossed it to Owen, who attached it to the Grips' cadaver, as Justin, Beth, and Lindsay started pulling.

"The Grips are catching up!" Leroy announced. "It's anyone's game now!"

"Agh! It's so exciting I can't take it!" Izzy exclaimed in anticipation as she bit Owen's arm just because.

"Ow! Hubba hubba…" Owen responded.

"Eew, what's this icky sore?" she asked, pointing to a red spot on Owen's arm as she felt his forehead. "Owen, you're burning up! Just like my passionate soul."

Owen suddenly burped, causing Izzy to faint. He licked the air. "Mmm, lemony!"

"Hold on," Justin stopped, "red sores, fever, lemony burps, aren't those symptoms of one of the diseases in the book?"

Lindsay shrugged.

"Page 753!" Beth blurted out, "'Mortatistical Crumples Disease'! And it's _fatal_!"

Leroy saw the Gaffers overhear this and drop their chain.

"Mortatistical Crumples isn't just fatal, it's _highly contagious_!" Heather gasped.

"Okay, looks like it's quarantine time! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" Chris said as he ran out the double doors.

"Sorry, but I'm an inventor, not a doctor! Buh-bye!" Leroy bailed after Chris. He shut the double doors and boarded them up to block anyone from getting out.

"There's more to this disease than either team knows." Chris said to the camera.

"That's because they don't know it's fake." Leroy whispered. Both host and intern snickered as they headed for the control room to watch the onslaught footage.

_At the control room_

"Seriously weird," Leroy saw Duncan say on the monitor, "Owen somehow gets infected with a fatal disease?"

"I'm sure it's just a 24-hour kind of fatal," Owen said.

"Oh, you poor brave, dead man," Izzy put a hand to her forehead, "I'll find a cure, I swear!"

"Quarantine Owen, stat!" Harold ordered.

Beth quickly inflated a quarantine bubble. "Get inside before you kill us all!"

Duncan, Leshawna, and Justin hoisted up Owen and tossed him inside the bubble.

Heather shrieked. "I see another sore…on DJ!"

Leroy saw another red spot on DJ. "It's gotta be some kind of mistake!" the gentle giant flailed him arm around.

"Hey, where's the exit door on these things?" Owen asked.

"There isn't one!" Beth shouted as she inflated another bubble and Harold and Izzy tossed DJ into it.

"Uh oh…getting claustrophobic…" Owen said.

"Is that another symptom?" Lindsay wondered.

"Let me out of this crazy thing!" Owen screamed as he rolled around wildly all over the room.

"Great," Heather grumbled. "Now Owen's not only infectious, he's a deranged pinball of death!"

"We need to confirm no one else is infected." Harold suggested. "Symptoms of Mortatistical Crumples Disease include: Explosive Diarrhea…"

Lindsay's stomach grumbled as she shut the door of the nearby toilet cubicle.

"…Itchy Lips…"

"M-my lips!" Justin panicked. "They're on fire!" he scratched them until they were swollen.

"…Sudden hot flashes…"

Beth was fanning herself as she was profusely sweating.

"…Seasickness…"

Heather keeled over and barfed.

"…Speaking in tongues…"

Izzy was saying random gibberish as her pupils continually rolled upwards.

"…And temporary blindness. Anyone?" Harold finished as he looked all over the room.

"Well, that's a relief." Harold said before bumping into Izzy. "I'm blind!"

**Confessional**

**Leshawna**\- "I know it's meant to be dangerous and all, but it's still a TV show. No way they'd actually let someone up and die here, am I right?"

"You'd think we would," Chris commented. "But, just imagine the ratings!"

Leroy saw that Duncan and Leshawna had placed all the apparently affected contestants on stretchers, except those inside the quarantine bubbles.

"Hehe," Leroy chuckled. "This is fun to watch."

"You said it." Chris replied.

"I'll go get some popcorn." Leroy said. He went back to his trailer for a brief moment and got some popcorn from the fridge. Afterwards, he made his way back to the control room.

"Alright, let's see what's happening." Leroy continued as he ate a piece.

He saw Owen's wild ricocheting finally come to a stop, with a whimper and a fart from Owen.

"Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee!" DJ screamed as he ran around, clutching his crotch.

"Aagh, my lips, my lips!" Justin moaned.

"Maybe they'd feel better if I pressed mine against them?" Beth suggested. "Just once, before I die?"

"To my mother," Heather wrote her will. "I leave you all my many awards and trophies." She barfed into a bucket. "To my brothers and sisters, I leave you," she wiped her mouth. "_nothing._ Earn it yourselves, you lazy slackers!"

Leroy noticed two contestants were missing.

"Where are Duncan and Leshawna?" he asked.

At that moment, said contestants suddenly burst through the double doors.

"How'd they get out?!" Leroy shouted in shock.

"Relax, everyone," Duncan assured onscreen. "As someone who has extensive experience with forgery," he held out a textbook, "trust me, this textbook and everything in it is a total crock! The book covers are really just old cereal boxes.

His stomach suddenly gurgled as he made a beeline for the portable toilet.

"It can't be a crock!" Harold objected. "No one's faking being sick!"

"No, but it's still a hoax." Leshawna answered. "I just went to Chef's kitchen where I found this _cheese_." She held out a canister.

"Uh, gee," DJ asked in an unconvincing voice, "what's in that canister I've never seen before? Parmesan?"

"No, itching powder and laxatives." Leshawna responded as she tore off the cheese label to reveal a scratching label.

"Chef?! How could he?!" DJ screamed.

"That explains the diarrhea and itchy lips." Duncan said as he exited the cubicle.

"And I'm the only one who didn't get sick, 'cause I didn't eat the pizza." Leshawna concluded.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "I knew I shouldn't have left those lying around!"

"But wait, what about the sores on Owen and DJ?" Beth asked.

Leshawna walked over to DJ's bubble, popped it, and took off the 'sore'. "It's just a slice of pepperoni. Brother needs to shower."

"First brother needs to pee!" DJ yelled as he dashed for the portable toilet, knocking Duncan over in the process.

"Mmm, delicious sore," Owen said as he ate the pepperoni off his arm. "Now let me out of this bubble!" he tried punching it to no avail, as he let out a fart.

Izzy brought out a needle and walked over to the bubble.

"Wait, stop, you can't-" Heather began, but it was too late, as Izzy popped the bubble setting Owen free…as well as his gas.

"Oh, fresh air, sweet, sweet air!" Owen rejoiced.

"Oh, stale air, smelly, smelly air!" Justin fanned his nose.

"I think I'm still dying." Harold moaned.

"But what about the other symptoms?" Beth questioned. "Blindness, speaking in tongues?"

Izzy cackled. "Oh my gosh, First Year Med School Syndrome! Too much studying and too little sleep can make you think you've got every disease in the book!"

Harold opened his eyes. "I can see! I can see!"

"Aw man, they ruined our surprise!" Leroy graoned. "We were gonna tell them it was all just a huge prank!"

"Oh well, looks like they busted us." Chris lamented. "Let's just go and tell them they won."

Both of them made their way to the roof of the building and dropped down on the chains.

"They must've escaped using these." Leroy muttered.

"Congratulations, Screaming Gaffers!" Chris announced. "You just won the challenge!"

The Gaffers cheered at this.

"Brilliant diagnostic skills, Duncan and Leshawna!" Chris congratulated. "Way to figure it out! And for your reward…" the host narrowed his eyes. "I knew I forgot something! Just a sec!"

Leroy and Chris ascended the chains.

"We forgot the platter!" Leroy figured as he rushed for the control room and quickly grabbed a covered platter and rushed back to drop down the chains.

"As I was saying," Chris said, "for your reward…" Leroy lifted the lid which showed five picture frames, each being connected to a certain contestant.

"That's my momma!" DJ pointed at the second-left photo.

"Ooh, and that's my best cousin!" Leshawna pointed at the second-right photo.

"Yep. One of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot with your very best friend!" Chris said. "So, who's the lucky contestant?"

The Gaffers immediately began to argue amongst themselves until a loud cry interrupted them.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" Leshawna cried. "it's been so stressful, I thought I was gonna lose you! Fighting for your lives, it's just all been too much!"

"Wow, you actually do have a heart." Heather said.

"And Leshawna did solve the challenge." Duncan pointed out. "I nominate her to win the reward. All in favor?"

"I!" DJ, Harold, and Heather seconded.

"No, no, I can't believe this! You guys are so beautiful! What a generous…" she continued crying.

"Eyugh." Chris groaned in disgust. "Cleanup on aisle 2!"

Two other interns entered to carry Leshawna away.

"Thank you so much, you guys are the best!" Leshawna said as she was sent away.

Chris turned to Leroy. "Uh, can you put those parts away?" he pointed to the pieces still on the platforms.

Leroy complied as he grabbed all of them and carried them out of the studio. Along the way, he passed by the limousine that was to carry Leshawna to the spa.

"…Girl, I cannot believe you've been cryin'!" A voice that Leroy could only assume was Leshawna's cousin Leshiniqua exclaimed. "You _never_ cry! Not even at Mr. Moneraba's funeral!"

"You nuts?" Leroy heard Leshawna say. "I was just makin' sure they'd vote me the heck outta here for the night."

"I knew it was too fooled to be true!" Leshiniqua said.

Leroy's eyes widened in shock. He let his arms drop, causing the parts he was carrying to fall to the ground. He could only look on as the limo drove away.

A certain anger has awakened deep inside him.

* * *

Oh man.

Nothing else to say, so...

Please review!


	10. The Sand Witch Project

Disclaimer: Nothing here I own except for Leroy.

* * *

Leroy was snapped out of a certain thought when he heard DJ snoring. Right now, the gentle giant was fast asleep, while Duncan and Justin were playing a bit of soccer, with the ball repeatedly bouncing off DJ's butt. Owen, Izzy, Harold, and Leshawna were playing Go Fish, while he himself was leaning on the guys' trailer, glaring at Leshawna for the last five minutes.

"Izzy," Owen asked her, "do you have a BLT? Or I'll also take, the five?"

Izzy said nothing as she slammed Owen's cards down, then shuffled all of them like she was a pro at it.

**Confessional**

**Harold**\- "Izzy thinks she's so cool, but did she spend three whole entire summers at Magic Steve's Magic Camp? Allow me to demonstrate my mad magic skills by producing the Ace of Spades!" (he instead pulls out a picture of him covering his crotch with a pillow from 'If You Can't Take The Heat…') "Oh, heh-heh. Hey, how did that get in there?"

Lindsay came over with a basket of sandwiches, while holding one in her hand.

"I can't believe you managed to steal these from lunch!" she exclaimed as she ate a sandwich. "Yummers!"

"I call this the Egg Salad Fireworks!" Beth announced as she took out several of them and threw them in the air. "Drumroll!"

Leroy took out his phone and played a drumroll tune. Beth opened her mouth, expecting the sandwiches to land in it, but instead they landed in Owen's arms as he ran.

"Owen! Stop stealing my sammys!" Beth scolded.

"What're you talking about?" Owen lied, mouth half-full.

"You disgust me, Owen." Leshawna commented, mouth also half-full.

"Yeah, what kind of pig are you?" Heather asked, also eating a sandwich.

"You're all stealing them?!" Beth yelled.

"Chef's food has gotten so good!" Justin exclaimed, mouth half-full as well.

DJ's snoring pierced the air, as Duncan, Justin, and Leroy all looked at him.

"Wonder why the guy's asleep right now?" Leroy asked curiously.

"This is fun, huh bestie?" Beth said to Lindsay. "Imagine if there was no challenge today."

"Oh my gosh! We could totally just hang out!" Lindsay said. "And we'll braid each other's hair, I would love that, bestie!"

Leroy smirked mischievously and dialed a number on his phone. "Yeah Chris? I have reason to believe they're asking for it…"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "This is for ruining our perfectly good prank!"

Sure enough, the loudspeakers whined. "Attention all Total Drama Victims!" Chris announced. "Please meet me in the northeast corner of the Studio Palooza! Bring lozenges, the screaming's gonna _hurt_!"

Beth gulped. "There _is_ a challenge! Just promise we can still do the hair braiding?" she asked Lindsay.

"I think I'll do it fresh!" Lindsay responded.

Leroy followed the contestants to the top of the hill where Chris told them to wait. A while passed and he still hadn't shown up.

"We walked all the way over here and Lieutenant Slick can't even be bothered to show up?" Heather complained.

"Maybe he's racked up too much overtime, figuring out new ways to torture us." Justin suggested.

A loud scream interrupted their conversation as Chris suddenly fell out of nowhere and seemingly impaled himself on a stage light as what looked like blood splattered everywhere. The sight of this caused every contestant to scream, except Beth, who only let out a loud wheeze.

Justin waved a hand in front of Chris' unresponsive face. "Huh, guess the producers don't like paying him overtime." He guessed.

"I'm worth every dime!" Chris said as he suddenly got up and took the stage light off him, revealing it to be a prop.

"Aw man, I was just gonna call dibs on your boat!" Duncan groaned.

"It's the magic of cinema, boys and girls!" Chris continued. "I'm absolutely perfectly Chrissily fine! Wanna see how it's done?"

"NO!" Every contestant shouted in unison.

Chris decided to explain anyway. "Our effects team seals fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic, called a 'squib'. This little baby bursts on impact! An old-fashioned optical illusion helps so that I didn't fail!"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "Wanna try and make your own horror movie stunt? Now you can, with the new LeroyTech Squibs!" (holds up one of the squibs, with two lightning bolts forming a captial 'L' logo) "Just be careful, 'cause these things are fragile!" (he squezzes and pops it, and some of the fake blood gets into his eye, causing him to scream in pain) "YAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Can we just get on with this?" Duncan asked.

"I can't believe you're unscarable!" Lindsay gasped at Beth. "You didn't even scream!"

"I did on the inside. I just can't do it on the outside." Beth explained.

"Huh?"

"When I was 10, and they were doing my tonsillectomy," Beth explained, "there was a freak accident and the doctor's earring fell in my throat. Can't scream worth a darn."

"Get out!"

"Serious."

"Wait, you were that girl in the earring incident my doctor told me?" Leroy asked incredulously.

"Yep." Beth replied.

"Woah." Was all Leroy could say.

"Time for today's wholly terrifying blood-hurdling horror movie challenge!" Chris announced. "To figure out which team gets which challenge: a scream-off! Think of every great horror movie you've ever seen!"

"Oh my gosh you guys," Izzy piped up, "did you see that one with the possessed rug that learned to walk and smother cats, or did I make that up?"

"All horror movies have one thing in common: fantastic screaming from actors, and the killers who snuff them." Chris continued. Justin looked visibly shocked. "Each team, pick a serial killer. The rest of you will be the screamers. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"

"Whoever ends up being the killer for their team," Leroy instructed, "must wear the hockey mask." He held out two hockey masks and tossed them to the teams. "So, get picking!"

Both teams went down the hill to discuss who will be their killer as Leroy followed them. He decided to look at the Gaffers first.

"We have to pick Duncan, of course." He heard Heather say. "Have you ever seen someone so serial killer-y?"

"I'm terrified of him on a daily basis." Harold shivered.

"Plus, he nailed all the other acting challenges." Leshawna added.

Heather handed the mask over to Duncan, but Chef snatched it out of her hand.

"DJ's gotta do it!" Chef insisted.

"But it's the first time our team's ever agreed on anything!" Harold objected.

"DJ is doing it!" Chef demanded.

"Listen, Chef," Duncan said, "maybe you can stick to your area of expertise with the sandwiches, and I'll stick to mine."

Chef responded by hoisting him up into the air and twisting his arm backwards. "Do you like having your arms attached to your torso?"

**Confessional**

**Duncan**\- "Arms are good. They throw things, feed you things, they're something to put in your sleeves, and if there's one thing I learned in Home Ed Class, always listen to the dude with the knives."

Chef tossed Duncan aside and shoved the mask in DJ's hands.

"Since when does Chef interfere in challenges?" Leshawna questioned. "Smells kinda funny to me."

"Oh, that's me, sorry." Harold admitted as he pulled a squished sandwich out of his pocket. "I was saving them for later."

Leroy walked up to Chef. "I know about this whole alliance thing, but isn't this a little too much?" he asked.

"I don't care!" Chef barked. "I'm tryin' to turn him into a man here!"

"But you're really kinda forcing it on him here-"

"Doesn't matter! He's going to become a man and win that million, whether he likes it or not!"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "I'm starting to doubt Chef's methods in his alliance with DJ. I mean, he's more scared than scary! And considering the challenge…"

"You guys gotta let me be the killer!" Leroy heard Justin say. "The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!"

Lindsay raised a finger to speak, but Izzy interrupted her. "Okay, I am such the better scarer." The redhead said. "My own dog is terrified of me, okay?"

"You're cute as a bug in a rug." Owen said to her.

"Hey, you guys," Lindsay tried to get their attention. "Um, Beth?"

"Later, Lindsay." Justin said. "I wanna be the killer, 'kay? And that's it."

"But look at my scary face!" Izzy exclaimed as she made a face that was more silly than scary.

"D'aww, that's not scary, that's adorable!" Owen cooed and Izzy turned around and growled at him. "This is a scary face!"

"BETH IS GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER AND THAT IS THAT!" Lindsay suddenly bellowed, silencing everyone. "Beth's a non-screamer! We have to have her as the killer or we're going down!" she reasoned.

**Confessional**

**Lindsay**\- "Can I just tell you, that felt so delicious! It was almost better than being pretty! Well, almost."

Leroy approached Chris. "Okay, for the Gaffers, it's DJ, and for the Grips, it's Beth." He said.

"Okay." Chris said. "Tell them to meet me inside the studio."

"Attention," Leroy announced to the contestants, "Head inside studio H9 in five!"

_5 minutes later_

Leroy held a customized tablet that resembled a clipboard, which he called the 'Randomizer Clipboard'. He put the names of the screamer-contestants and pressed the shuffle button. Two names popped out.

"Will Harold and Justin please step up to the night forest set?" he announced.

Said contestants did so. Meanwhile, Leroy led the scarers backstage.

"Okay, all you have to do is just give your teammates a good, loud scare." He instructed them before heading off to grab a nearby device he had brought in earlier.

The invention in question was a large metal box with a bar meter, while a microphone attached to a satellite dish was connected to it via a cord.

"Alright, Justin and Harold," Chris said while sitting in a director's chair. "prepare yourselves for your killers to enter. And then, I want huge, massive, ginormous screams! We'll be measuring the volume on our Scream-O-Meter!"

Leroy pushed the device closer to the stage, which was apparently the Scream-O-Meter.

"Loudest scream wins this round!" Leroy announced.

"Lights, camera, action!" Chris yelled.

First off, Beth decided to do the classic come-from-behind trick as she put on her mask and let out a loud 'Boo!' from a bush behind Justin.

"Ahh, I'm so scared!" Justin let out an unconvincing scream. Unsurprisingly, the meter on the device showed a low score, staying in the green area.

"You call that a scream?" Leroy deadpanned.

"I'm sorry, I just can't risk my pipes any further," Justin replied. "What good is a face like this without my warm, yet manly tones to back it up?"

Meanwhile, on the Gaffer side, DJ looked around nervously from behind a tree.

"I don't think I can do this." he said.

Chef let out a loud roar behind him, causing him to run frantically and bump into Harold.

"Oh, hey DJ." Harold greeted. "What's up?"

Chef nodded from behind the tree, as DJ hastily put on his mask and let out a loud growl.

Harold screamed loudly, at least loud enough for the meter to reach the red area.

"With a solid 50 on the Scream-O-Meter, let's notch one up for DJ, Harold, and the Screaming Gaffers!" Chris announced.

Leroy shot a disapproving look at Chef for practically forcing DJ to be the scarer. He then grabbed two portable toilets and placed them on the set as he rolled the Randomizer Clipboard again until he came up with two names.

"Leshawna and Lindsay, step into one of these portable toilets for the next round!" Leroy called.

Both contestants went inside as Leroy activated two Intern's Eye cameras that he placed inside beforehand.

"There is some serious indignity going on in this scenario," Leroy saw Leshawna say from the Gaffer feed, "I mean, I'm being filmed sitting on the potty!"

"That was an accidental tinkle onscreen last season," Leroy heard Lindsay say on the Grip feed, "I'm not doing it again. And how am I supposed to be scared when I know Beth is coming in any minute, and she's not scary at-"

At that moment, Beth suddenly burst through the door and let out a growl, and Lindsay screamed.

Meanwhile, on the Gaffer feed, DJ burst through the door, but cringed in embarrassment.

"Oh, I-uh I'm sorry," DJ blurted out. "I busted in on your private moment. Why is my face red?"

"You wanna win?" Leshawna asked in annoyance. "Do the scene, DJ!"

DJ let out a weak growl in response.

Meanwhile, on the Grip feed, Lindsay's recorded scream caused the meter on the Scream-O-Meter to rise to the red area. A peeing sound was heard before Lindsay wailed, raising it again.

"You are doing so good!" Beth took off her mask, "I'm not even being scary anymore, look!"

On the Gaffer feed, Leshawna was giggling.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, "I'm supposed to be afraid of this marshmallow? This big ol' kitten DJ?" she burst out in laughter.

"And that's Round 2 to Beth, Lindsay, and the Killer Grips, with a pee-fueled 85 on the Scream-O-Meter!" Chris announced.

"Alright, the rest of you," Leroy addressed Owen, Izzy, Duncan, and Heather, "proceed to the home couch set for the tiebreaker round!" the four contestants did so.

Leroy still heard Leshawna laughing from the cubicle. Annoyed that she didn't even try to scream, he took out a rubber spider from his jacket pocket and tossed it inside, causing her to scream very loudly and run out. Satisfied, he went pushed the Scream-O-Meter to the designated set himself.

At the home couch set, Owen and Izzy were up first.

"Alright guys, this is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off!" Chris instructed them.

Owen took one look at the script he was given. "Oh boy, I'm not the world's greatest actor."

Izzy also read the script she was given. "How horror movie is this? We have to make out."

"I love this business!" Owen cheered. "Hubba hubba!"

Both of them dived at each other and began to lock lips.

"Awkward…" Chris commented.

Meanwhile, on the Gaffer side, Heather looked at the script and her eyes widened.

"No, no, no, I would rather die." She said.

"That's two of us, lady." Duncan added.

Chris looked between the two of them. "Don't forget kiddies, it's a million bucks!"

Both of them had reluctant looks on their faces before they came closer. As soon as their lips touched, they reeled back in disgust.

"Eyugh! You taste like street!" Heather screamed. "My lips may never recover!"

Neither of them noticed a knife-wielding DJ behind them.

Meanwhile, in the Grip side, Beth snuck up behind Owen and Izzy, wielding a similar knife.

"I'm gonna chop you into little teriyaki bits!" she yelled. Neither of them were paying attention to her. "Um, guys?"

"Oh. Aaah." Owen and Izzy 'screamed'; clearly they were more interested in making out. Beth dropped her knife in exasperation.

Leroy noticed someone approach the Gaffer side. It was Chef, who was wielding a chainsaw and wearing a hockey mask. He roared and all three of the present Gaffers screamed. DJ in particular screamed the loudest and fainted. The Scream-O-Meter recorded their screams and the meter was raised to the max.

"Well, looks to me like DJ and the well-named Screaming Gaffers have won this one, seeing as they buried the needle." Chris declared.

Leroy, having had enough of Chef's meddling with the challenge, called a number on his cellphone.

"Yes, I would like to report a case of illegal direct interference," he said.

A few moments later, Chris' cellphone rang and he answered the call.

"Uh-huh, okay. Chef, that was the producers." The host told the hulking man, "you've been called in for a disciplinary meeting due to your actions."

Leroy glared at Chef as he left, grumbling. He then went over to the unconscious DJ.

The rest of the Gaffers and even the Grips came over to DJ, all looking concerned.

"Is he breathing?" Beth asked.

"I think he's saying something!" Leshawna said.

"Mama?" he mumbled. "I'm here! Mama!"

"Wha...?" Leroy asked in confusion.

"It's me, mama! It's poopydoo! Your little Devon Joseph poopydoo!" DJ continued to mumble.

Annoyed, Heather walked over and slapped him awake.

"I need to see Chef!" DJ suddenly said before Heather slapped him again.

"Heather!" Leshawna scolded.

"What? He's still talking crazy!" she replied.

"Chef's in a meeting with the producers," Chris answered DJ, "a disciplinary meeting. He's in trouble! Not allowed to mess with the challenges!"

"I knew something was up!" Leshawna exclaimed.

"You're like Albert Einstein," Harold complimented her, "with better hair, and girly bits."

"Moving right along," Chris began, "It's time to pack up those overnight bags, loser Grips! You and your sleeping bags are spending the night in the dining hall!"

The Killer Grips all frowned at this.

"Gaffer winners, back to the comfort of the trailers for a little R&amp;R!" Chris continued. "I'll see you there in half an hour!"

Leroy decided to just head back to his trailer to rest for a while.

_30 minutes later_

Leroy arrived at the craft services tent, where the Killer Grips have already gathered.

"This isn't such a bad place to spend the night," Owen said, "It's full of good memories…of food."

"More than memories!" Izzy piped up from behind a table, "I just found half a piece of cheesecake under here!"

"I think I love you!" Owen said.

"Guys," Chris interrupted, "you mind joining us here?" He was seated on a stool, with the rest of the Grips sitting around him on the floor. "I'm about to tell you why this film lot was abandoned and closed!"

"Because it's a death trap?" Justin replied.

"Hush, my child. This film lot is perfectly safe on this plane. But in the other dimension…" Leroy turned off the lights as Chris turned on a flashlight for horrific effect, "Ronnita the Rent-A-Cop, a dedicated security guard who worked here for 25 loyal years, until her mysterious death, right here, on THIS VERY SPOT! Now, her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot. No one has ever managed to spend a whole night in this craft service tent-"

"Because they were killed by falling sets?" Justin interrupted.

"Because, of the HAUNTING!" Chris continued. "Your task: Spend the whole night here, without leaving this tent. If you manage to do so, your team gets invincibility and nobody goes home. Track any psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters," he pointed to a bunch of devices on a table, "and just in case…" he appeared to hand Beth his flashlight, but instead gave her a tinier one.

"Gee, thanks." She said sarcastically.

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "Those ghost meters are really just prototypes of the Paranormal Detector device that I'm trying to build. In other words, those pieces of junk don't work properly."

Leroy exited the tent with Chris.

"Was that security guard ghost story true?" the inventor asked him.

"Meh. I think it was a rumor, I don't know." Chris answered.

Soon, they arrived at the trailers, where all the Gaffers have gathered.

"The Killer Grips are sitting in the craft services tent like sitting ducks." Chris said. "Your task is to make like special effects gurus and frighten the pants off them. Or at least scare theme enough to get them out of the tent before dawn."

"How are we supposed to scare them?" Heather asked.

"It's your call. But, if you get them out, your team wins invincibility and nobody goes home. Oh, just so you know, I told them some cockimaney story about a security guard who died on set." He chuckled as he left.

"How are we gonna pull this off?" DJ asked.

"Just turn out the lights. Beth's afraid of her own shadow!" Leshawna suggested.

"Chainsaws! I love a good chainsaw." Duncan said excitedly.

"I got it!" Harold exclaimed. The Gaffers shrugged as they followed him to the craft services tent.

Leroy sat on a rock as he activated two Intern's eye cameras and sent them to follow both teams. By then, on the Gaffer feed, the Gaffers in question have grouped outside the tent.

"Thank you, my lovely assistants," Harold said. He was holding a sheet that was attached to the hook of a fishing rod, which DJ was holding. "now, the Magnificent Harold is ready to scare our opponents into submission, with the Phantasm Ball!" he held up the sheet covering the ball.

"I can't believe we're putting our team's faith in the hands of the Great Dorko." Duncan complained.

"You will quake, mortal," Harold responded, "before all I've learned at Magic Steve's Magic Camp! Behold!"

DJ raised up the 'Phantasm Ball'. Duncan and Leshawna looked at each other skeptically.

Leroy switched to the Grip cam. The Killer Grips were playing Go Fish to pass the time.

"Do you have a seven?" Owen asked Lindsay.

"How do you always know?" she wondered. "It's like you're psychotic!"

Just then, Beth wheezed.

"I know, right Beth? Owen, totally got SNP!"

Beth wheezed again and pointed at the 'Phantasm Ball', which DJ had lowered into the tent.

Owen, Justin, Izzy, and Beth screamed (wheezed again in the latter's case) and began to bolt for the exit.

Lindsay held up one of the ghost meters. "Wait!" she said. "I said WAIT!"

The Grips suddenly stopped in their tracks. "The ghost meters aren't reading a thing!" Lindsay exclaimed.

**Confessional**

**Lindsay**\- "I am really grooving on this 'suggesting' business. I think it totally fits me! With Trent out of the game, I'm kinda leading my team. How'd you like me now, Heather?"

Lindsay stood up on a table and set a hand on the Phantasm Ball.

"Tangy salt vinegar, she's gonna die!" Owen screamed.

She simply pulled off the sheet, revealing a soccer ball underneath it.

"Oh my gosh, it's just a trick!" Beth exclaimed.

On the Gaffer feed, Harold put a finger to his chin as Duncan walked over and kicked him in the kiwis.

"You stuck a hook in my soccer ball?" he asked angrily.

"It was all in the name of magic!" Harold raised a finger. "You have to admit, it was quite-"

Duncan shoved his hand away. "Zip it, Harry Houd-weenie. I'm taking charge now.

Leroy had the camera follow the Gaffers into the tent, where Duncan grabbed bottles of ketchup and corn syrup and mixed their contents in a bowl. Duncan stuck a finger in the bloodlike mixture and tasted it.

"Hmm, needs more corn syrup. It's not quite scabby enough." He commented.

"I'll get you some." DJ said as he walked off.

"Respect, Duncan," Leshawna complimented, "It really looks like blood!"

"Devil's night, my brothers and I used to wait outside kindergarten with this goop dripping off us, ha! One year I gave a bunch of five-year olds seizures!" he told them.

"And, respect deleted." Leshawna said flatly.

DJ came back with a bottle of corn syrup and handed it over to Duncan.

"You really know your way around the kitchen, huh?" Harold told DJ. The latter sheepishly shrugged.

Heather took the bowl and went over to a large piece of wood that was covering the service window connecting the kitchen and the dining area. Duncan peeked through the curtains covering the door.

Leroy looked at the Grip feed and saw that the Grips have gone back to playing Go Fish.

"Do you have a 10?" Beth asked Justin.

"Maybe. Care to make it interesting?" Justin said before he suddenly flinched at the sight of the 'blood' that Heather was pouring down the wall.

The Grips began to bolt for the exit again.

"Wait," Lindsay sniffed the air. "What do you smell?"

"Fear," Owen replied, "and fear smells like…ketchup?"

"Exactly! Lick the wall, Owen!"

Owen shook his head.

"I said, LICK THE WALL, OWEN!"

"Wow, when you're freaking me out, it's time to cash in the chips!" Izzy whimpered.

Lindsay wiped off some of the 'blood' with her finger and smeared it on Owen's mouth. Owen licked it up. "Mmm, tasty!" Owen began licking the wall as Lindsay smiled triumphantly.

Duncan frowned as he retreated behind the curtains.

"Anyone else have any brilliant ideas?" Heather asked angrily. "Anybody who's not Duncan?"

"DJ hasn't said anything," Leshawna spoke up, "and anybody that quiet's gotta be thinking something."

"I don't like scaring people." DJ admitted. "Momma said it's not gentlemanly and-"

"Well, 'Momma' ain't here, is she?"

"And Papa Duncan wants to win and go to bed! So?"

DJ hung his head in defeat.

A few minutes later, Leroy looked at the Grip feed and saw that they have once again went back to playing Go Fish.

"Gimme all your twos!" Lindsay demanded. Suddenly, the lights went out, courtesy of Duncan, who, Leroy saw on the Gaffer feed pull down a switch.

"Um, is it okay if I give you my twos later?" Leroy saw Beth ask on the Grip feed.

"Night has fallen." Duncan whispered into a walkie-talkie.

Leroy moved the Gaffer camera into the kitchen, where the rest of the members also had walkie-talkies.

"Excellent work, Eclipse." DJ whispered back. "Foxy Lady, you there?"

Leroy moved the cam outside, where Leshawna was waiting with a megaphone.

"Foxy Lady, at the ready." She affirmed.

"Remember, everyone," Leroy saw Lindsay say on the Grip cam, "This is just Chris trying to scare us, and Lindsay's team doesn't give up!"

"Lindsay's team?" Izzy questioned.

Leroy saw Leshawna make some ghastly noises into her megaphone as he saw Harold lower Heather, dressed in a security guard uniform, via roped from the ceiling. Heather flailed about wildly, scaring Izzy.

"That's a go for Magic Harold and his charming assistant." Harold whispered into his walkie-talkie.

"It's a poltergeist!" Izzy screamed.

"Poltergeist!" Owen repeated as the grips darted out of the tent, save for Lindsay.

"Wait! The ghost meter's still aren't going off!" she said.

DJ threw a fork at the device, causing it to beep repeatedly. Lindsay screamed and ran out of the tent.

"And that's how we win it!" Leshawna declared as Lindsay ran off.

Leroy looked up and saw the Grips heading towards him and knocking him over as they shivered behind him.

"Relax, Fraidy Grips," Leroy got up and assured them, "it wasn't a poltergeist. You just got punked by the Screaming Gaffers!" he pointed to the tent, where the Gaffers have regrouped and cheered.

"Their challenge was to try and scare you outta the tent," Leroy explained to them. "And since they succeeded, they win invincibility, and I'll be seeing you all in the Gilded Chris Ceremony in a few hours!"

At the Gilded Chris Ceremony, Leroy played the theme, as usual, as the Grips pressed the buttons on their voting devices.

"And now, Fraidy Cat Grips," Chris said from his podium, "It's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week! Who deserves to go home, bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?"

A scowling Chef, having just returned from his disciplinary meeting, walked up with the vote results.

"And the Gilded Chrises go to…Izzy!"

"Beth!"

"Owen!"

All three got Gilded Chrises in that order.

"Still on the chopping block:" Chris continued, "Lindsay and Justin!"

"What? I can't be going! Why would people be mad at me?" Lindsay asked. "Beth?"

"You were a little…" Beth gulped, "…bossy."

"Hellooo, it's called leadership!"

"And the final Gilded Chris goes to…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Stop!"

All heads turned towards DJ and the Screaming Gaffers, who have somehow arrived onstage.

"I'm gonna do what I should've done long ago," DJ continued, "make momma proud. I'm voting myself off!"

"DJ!" Chef chuckled nervously, "Why don't you and I have a little chat before you do anything stupid?"

"No, Chef!" DJ rebuked, "I'm not listening anymore! Chef and me, we had an illegal alliance."

Everyone, except for Leroy, gasped.

"He's been tutoring me in tough, coaching me through the challenges. I'll miss you all."

"Wait, you've been cooking all the delicious food?" Owen asked. "The pizza? The cheesecake? The sandwiches?!"

"Dude, you can't leave!" Duncan said.

"Yeah, can't we just vote off Chef instead?" Justin suggested. Chef growled.

"Sorry, but you gotta make it right, for momma." DJ answered. Several of the contestants let out an 'awww' at that.

Leroy walked up to him. "Are you sure you wanna quit? Because this _will_ count as an official elimination, and you can't come back."

"I know, and I've made up my mind already." DJ answered.

"Ookay then. Bye." Leroy said as DJ made his way to the Lame-O-Sine."

"Well, Killer Grips," Leroy addressed the losing team, "count yourselves lucky tonight. Especially you, Lindsay, you would've gone home tonight."

Lindsay gasped as Leroy decided to leave for his trailer. He had a few 'unfinished jobs' to do.

* * *

I just really hope that I'll be able to get better at this.

So, Review!


	11. Masters Of Disasters

A/N: Finally, I managed to get another chapter out after like what, 3 months?

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

One certain morning, Leroy entered the craft services tent, with an unknown item in his hand. He 'accidentally' dropped it in Duncan's bowl of Chef's gruel, which today, looked even gruel-er, complete with roaches.

Leroy made his way to his usual spot near the counter and watched as the contestants struggled to eat the gruel.

"I miss DJ's cooking," Harold lamented, "It was as awesome as this is completely grossitating."

"I wish my boyfriend was here," Beth spoke up, "he's such a great cook!"

"Boyfriend?" Heather asked incredulously. "I don't remember any talk of a boyfriend.

"Oh yeah, I have a boyfriend. I love my boyfriend." Everyone stared at her. "What? Didn't I mention my boyfriend before?"

"No you didn't." Leroy answered.

"You sure do like that word 'boyfriend'." Leshawna commented. "When did you two meet?"

"We met between TV seasons," Beth replied.

"Wasn't that only like, two days?" Lindsay asked.

"Mm-hmm. We met at the orthodontist. He was getting his braces off the same time as me. At first, I wasn't into him. But after the braces came off, look out! Such a cutie!"

She held up a picture of a rather handsome-looking boy with brown hair, and wearing a red polo shirt.

The Grips looked at her before bursting into giggles.

**Confessional**

**Izzy**\- "Okay, I bought a lot of junk off late night infomercials, but I ain't buying that!"

**Leroy**\- "What do I think of it? Well, I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, but unless I see her so-called 'boyfriend' in person, I'm not gonna believe any of that."

"So you have a boyfriend, huh?" Heather asked menacingly. "Prove it."

"Sure, I can tell you everything about him! He's six feet tall, has light brown hair, blue eyes, size 10 shoes, 32' pants with 34 inch enzyme!"

Justin snatched the photo from her. "Wait a second, those stats are all written on the back of his picture! I know a comp card when I see one, 'cause I'm a…" he flashed smile at the camera, "…professional male model!"

Beth snatched the photo back. "Yeah? Well, maybe he's a model too! Ever thought of that?"

"No, no one ever thought of that." Duncan replied as he poured that contents of his bowl into Harold's, except a certain object.

"You've been chasing after a boyfriend all this time?" Leshawna asked. "With a honey back home?"

"Sure, my boyfriend's a model, but he's still just a guy. Justin is a supermodel! I can't help myself, now that my braces are off, it's a whole new dating world!" Beth said.

Justin looked fairly uncomfortable at this.

"Bendy straws!" Harold suddenly blurted, pointing at a can full of them. "These are just like the ones at the hospital where I had my kidneys switched!"

"Huh?" Owen asked.

"I was born with a rare kidney condition." Harold explained. "My left kidney was where the right one should be."

"You had a surgical kidney swap?" Leshawna asked in shock.

"That's right. I'm a rare case."

"Humph. You're a 'rare case' alright," Heather scoffed.

"Whatever! I'm loading up." Harold grabbed all the bendy straws and put them in his pocket.

Leroy heard Owen gobbling up the last bowlful of gruel.

"I think Owen's taste buds packed up and moved to France years ago." Heather commented.

"I wish I had this disgusting slop around the last time I was trying to stick to my diet." Lindsay said.

Chef then walked up to the window.

Harold cleared his throat. "This whole cuisine is obviously too complex for our unsophisticated taste buds, right?"

The other contestants nodded nervously in agreement.

Just then, Owen finished the last bowl of gruel. "I give it five stars!"

"I hate suck-ups." Chef mumbled as he dumped Leroy's usual order on the counter. Leroy wasted no time digging into the delicious meal.

Chris walked into the tent. "Not to worry folks. You won't be holding onto your lunch for much longer!"

"And exactly what torture have you concocted for us today?" Duncan asked.

"Oh nothing. Just that your say will be a total _disaster_. Get it? It's a disaster movie theme!" Chris announced. "You know, like in disaster flicks? People running for their lives from volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, tidal waves? The more disastrous, the better!"

**Confessional**

**Lindsay**\- "My hair is already a total disaster! It's been three weeks since I had a trim! Split ends city! How much worse could it get?"

A few minutes later, Leroy arrived at an obstacle course (that he set up a few nights back) that was placed on a slanted metal plane. Everyone else was gathered there, with Chris at the control panel.

"Your first challenge is:" Chris introduced, "the Earthquake of Inevitable Pain!"

"I prefer to call it the 'Disaster Gauntlet'." Leroy commented.

"Each team has to run the course, challenging your dexterity, maneuverability, and other mad monkey skills." Chris instructed.

"I hope you're good at dodgeball," Leroy added, "because you'll need those skills to avoid the stuff we might throw at you!"

Chef was at the top of the slanted platform, with a sack of supplies ready.

"First team to the top wins!" Chris continued, "Best out of two earns today's reward!"

"Ooh, my boyfriend had a summer job cleaning up after earthquakes and landslides." Beth spoke up.

"Nope, still not buying it." Izzy said. "But I did cave in and buy the electronic sound transmitter. Woo-woo-woo-woo! Haha!"

"Enough with the chitty-chat!" Chris interrupted. "Take you marks!"

Both teams took their sides; Gaffers on the left, Grips on the right.

"This'll be a cinch." Heather mumbled.

"I can't wait to swing on the monkey bars!" Beth exclaimed.

"And…action!" Chris rang an air horn.

Both teams immediately took off into the obstacle course. First up was the tires, which the teams passed with ease.

"How easy is this?!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Are you ready to rock?!" Chris yelled as he pushed a lever forward and cackled madly.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun." Leroy rubbed his hands deviously.

The platform suddenly shook, causing the contestants to lose their balance. Beth ended up tumbling into Izzy.

"If you break it, you buy it!" the latter cackled.

Heather and Duncan also fell to the ground. Harold and Leshawna, meanwhile, reached the monkey bars.

"Time to get rid of some old junk!" Chef declared as he reached into his bag of supplies. He first took out an old football, which he tossed and knocked Harold and Leshawna off the monkey bars.

"Ow, my right kidney!" Harold moaned.

Chef began throwing even more objects randomly at the contestants, including a sink, a bowling ball, a hammer, a telephone, and a rubber ducky, which hit Justin in the cheek.

"My precious cheekbones!" Justin wailed.

Chris eventually pulled the lever back, causing the platform to stop shaking.

"Finally, a break!" Beth said.

"AFTERSHOCK!" Chris yelled as he pushed the lever forward again, causing the platform to continue shaking.

Owen tumbled down the platform but clung on, but unfortunately his barf didn't.

"My delicious lunch, lost forever!" he lamented.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me: It's lava time!" Chris announced and pushed a button on the control panel. A slot slid open on the slanted platform and began pouring out red 'lava' and the contestants scrambled to avoid it.

Chef dipped a finger into the 'lava' and tasted it.

"Tomato soup?!" he exclaimed. "That was supposed to be for supper!"

Leroy noticed the large barrel of tomato soup that was used for the 'lava'.

"So much for spaghetti tonight." He lamented. He then brought out a large bag filled with rocks.

"Let's see how you like this." He muttered as he placed the rocks on the 'lava' to act as obstacles.

"Hooey! Is it getting hot in here?" Chris fanned himself. "How about a cool, refreshing, _hailstorm_!" He was on a launcher, which was attached to a golf cart that Chef was driving.

"Golf ball-sized hail is bad," Chris said, "but hail-sized golf balls are even worse!" the host laugh maniacally as he shot several golf balls at the contestants. Izzy was the first hit as she was knocked into a large tube.

"Got one!" Chris yelled.

"Don't get cocky, kid." Chef warned as Chris continued shooting.

Leroy meanwhile, was now standing at the top of the platform, with a catapult right next to him.

"Let's see you all dodge this." He chuckled darkly as he activated the catapult, launching a giant balloon into the air. He then threw a dart at the balloon, causing it to pop and reveal hundreds of golf balls inside, which began to rain on the contestants.

"No, not the face!" Justin screamed, but to no avail as he too was hit by the golf balls.

**Confessional**

**Justin**\- (covered in bruises) "I give up. There's no way I'll get that skin care line endorsement now!" (feels his face) "Oh, not so silky smooth!"

"AFTER-AFTERSHOCK!" Chris yelled as he pressed a button on a control stick, causing the platform to shake violently once again. Leroy jumped off as the platform began to split in two. Lindsay fell into the created fissure, but Justin caught her in time. Owen then tumbled and landed on him.

"I can't breathe," Justin groaned.

"I'm still carrying a little holiday weight." Owen excused.

Beth wobbled over to them. "My boyfriend's part of a rescue team that saved people stuck in avalanches! He used to say-"

"Beth?" Justin interrupted. "We need actual advice from real, live, living people!"

Beth glared before beginning to pull Owen up.

"Hurry, they're getting the lead!" Owen yelled.

Meanwhile, the Gaffers have reached the rolling log. While Duncan and Heather were able to get past it, Harold fell due to several golf balls flying past him and causing him to lose his balance.

"Everyone, get behind me!" Owen ordered as he shielded his team while they went into the metal tube. "Ugh, shouldn't someone be yelling 'fore'?!"

"Fore!" Chris yelled as the golf balls nailed Owen in the face again. It was then the host realized his cannon was empty. Leroy tried to refill it, but found out his sack was empty as well.

"Aw man, I'm outta golf balls!" Leroy said.

"Hey, it stopped!" Owen exclaimed as he ducked into the metal tunnel.

"Chef, do something!" Chris ordered.

Chef growled and suddenly drove the golf ball cart backwards with brute force and crashed it into a metal support pole, sending the host into a daze and Leroy flying into a nearby bush. He then climbed up the ladder to the top and began throwing more dangerous objects, such as a flower pot and a blender.

"Chef, what are you doing?!" Leroy yelled in panic.

Meanwhile, both teams were nearing the end of the course, with just the wooden wall left to climb.

"Hang on team, were almost there!" Owen called to the other Grips. "Please, after you." He gestured to Izzy.

"Oh come on, you're the one who sacrificed himself for us, I insist!" Izzy replied.

"Ladies first!" he responded.

By then, Chef had thrown a chainsaw, a concrete brick, a cat, and even a small missile. He then reached into his sack and pulled out a rather large book. "Ah, my unpublished manifesto!" he said.

Leroy rushed over and began climbing the ladder, intent on stopping Chef- but it was too late- he already tossed the giant book, nailing Owen in the mouth just as Izzy was helping him up the wall.

"Ouchie, that'll hurt come morning…" Owen moaned.

"My editor was right," Chef commented, "my life really _is_ dangerous."

Leroy rushed over to the pained Owen and took a close look at him. "Ooh, his jaw's broken." He concluded.

**Confessional**

**Beth**\- "Did Owen actually break his jaw? That's so tragic! Owen lives to eat!"

**Izzy**\- "Owen is my buddy! He's the only one who truly gets me! If something happens to Owen, I'll be stuck with my imaginary friends! And let's face it, I should've ditched them years ago!" (knocks on her head) "Yeah Phil, I'm talking to you!"

"I'll call a medic." Leroy said as he went off to contact an ambulance.

"…The good news is, Owen won the challenge for the Killer Grips!" Chris announced after Leroy came back.

The Grips cheered at this.

"Oh no he didn't!" Leshawna complained.

"Yeah, we got our _whole team_ across the finish line!" Harold added.

"Serious injury trumps all." Chris answered.

"You just make up the rules as you go along, don't you?!" Heather questioned.

Chris shrugged. "I love my job."

The ambulance that Leroy called soon arrived on the scene, as Leroy dragged Owen onto a stretcher and pushed it into the ambulance's back door.

"The wounded Owen," Chris narrated, "what will become of him? Stay tuned to find out!"

"Alright," Leroy looked at his clipboard, "please proceed to the submarine set for your next challenge. This one decides the winning team!"

The remaining contestants did as told. Soon, everyone was standing near a large, open submarine set, with rubber rafts right next to them.

"How's Owen doing?" Izzy asked Chris.

"Oh, Owen's fine," Chris answered, "a little broken jaw, but it's all wired shut now. Shouldn't take more than 4 to 6 weeks to heal."

"Oh no, it's _that_ bad?!" Beth gasped.

"I mean, he's doing fine."

The Grips shot him skeptical looks.

**Confessional**

**Chris**\- "That's what release forms are for! Correctomundo?"

"One thing's for sure," Leroy informed them, "Owen's out for the rest of the challenge. Now then, please board the rubber rafts."

The contestants boarded the rafts; Gaffers on the left and Grips on the right.

"Alright," Chris announced, "it's time for the second disaster-themed challenge! Who's excited?"

The contestants all gave bored looks in response. Somewhere in the distance, a cricket sounded.

"Because of Owen's win, the Grips have the advantage of getting this handy dandy piece of paper for the second disaster challenge!" Chris took out a piece of paper and folded it into an airplane which he threw towards the Grips. The paper sailed over the Gaffers and crashed into Lindsay, who picked it up.

"What good is this?" she asked. The paper in question had some Roman numerals on it. "It just has some dumb numbers on it!"

"Ooh," Beth piped up, "I think it's a lock combination!"

"Okay, time to get inside!" Chris called.

"You crazy? I'm not getting in that tin can!" Leshawna retorted.

"Not even for a million bucks?"

"It better be carpeted in there." She grumbled.

"No it isn't!" Leroy whispered cheerfully.

All eight contestants went inside the submarine sets. The set suddenly clamped shut as Leroy and Chris headed for the control room to monitor them.

"I don't like this. Not one little bit." Leroy heard Leshawna say from the footage.

Leroy pulled a lever, and an alarm sounded from within the set, much to the contestants' worry.

"What's going on?" Justin asked.

"Who cares?" Beth said. "I could stay like this all day!" Justin backed slowly away from her.

"For this challenge," Chris announced on the loud speakers, "you gotta get out before it's too late!"

"Too late?" Heather questioned. "Too late for what?"

"Oh, you'll find out." Chris chuckled darkly.

"Pick up two," Chef said as he laid some cards down on a table.

"You mind cranking that lever?" Chris requested. Chef complied and pulled a lever. On the monitors, both sets began to fill up with water.

Leroy leaned to speak into the loudspeakers. "Right now, your rooms should be filling up with water. If I were you, I'd try to look for a way out ASAP. And please, don't drown. Seriously, don't."

"I really wish my boyfriend was here," Beth said, "he's a registered lifeguard!"

"Uh-huh, yeah, it would be great." Izzy pretended to agree. "You know what would be better?"

"What?"

"If he _existed_ in the first place! Now let's get out of this death trap!"

Leroy looked at the Gaffer monitor.

"This water is freezing," Heather complained, "and it's too dark to see anything!"

"No problem," Duncan assured, "I've got great night vision. A lot of the stuff I get into happens when the sun goes down.

Heather rolled her eyes.

Duncan went for a nearby box and took some flashlights out of it. "This should help. Get to work, everybody!" He tossed the one for each of the Gaffers.

Meanwhile, the Grips were attempting to pry things open to get out. Izzy was trying to turn a wheel, but it broke off and sent her tumbling to the floor, while some debris bounced off her head.

"Wow, what a head rush," she commented.

"Yay for Izzy's hard head!" Lindsay cheered.

Justin pointed his flashlight to the ceiling. "Hey, I think it's a way out!" he said, pointing at a closed hatch.

"Or maybe that's the exit!" Beth yelled as she pointed her flashlight at another closed hatch on the floor.

Leroy saw the Gaffers point their flashlights on a similar hatch on their floor.

"This one's closer, so let's try it first." Leshawna suggested.

"Anyone know how to pick a lock?" Heather asked.

"Actually," Harold pulled out a stethoscope, "I learned how to open a combo lock at Picky Steve's Lock Picking Camp."

"You do have mad skills," Leshawna complimented.

"Yeah well-"

Duncan tripped him. "The water is rising, so get to it, Harold-ini."

Leroy looked to the Grip side and saw Beth fiddling with the dial on the bottom hatch.

"Oh no, it's a combination lock!" Beth exclaimed.

"Sounds familiar?" Izzy asked Lindsay. The latter gave her a confused look.

Izzy frowned and simply snatched the earlier piece of paper from Lindsay's hand.

"How are we ever going to open it?" A still clueless Lindsay asked.

"Guys, we better get to it quick before the water gets too high!" Beth said.

"I'll do it," Justin said, grabbing the paper that had the code to open the lock.

"No, I wanna do it!" Lindsay grabbed the paper back.

"Just give it to me-"

"But I wanna do it-"

"Lindsay-"

"Come on-"

The paper slipped out of the grasps and fell into the water. Leroy zoomed in and saw that the numbers on the paper have become unreadable once Izzy picked it back up. She growled and crumpled the paper.

"So, come on, what are the numbers? Read 'em out." Justin asked, oblivious to what had just happened.

Izzy just dropped the paper back in the water. "Ugh, I'm surrounded by loons!"

"Where?"

"Ooh, I love ducks!"

Izzy lost it and screamed.

Meanwhile, on the Gaffer side, Leroy saw Harold attempting to open the lock as the water level continued rising. As the water reached Harold's nose, he suddenly pulled back.

"I can't do it!" he exclaimed. "I need more time! If only I had gills…"

**Confessional**

**Harold**\- "How cool would that be if I had gills? I really should've been born with gills. Life can be so unfair."

Leshawna pointed her flashlight at the ceiling hatch. "Maybe we can boost each other up." She suggested.

The Gaffers began to stack themselves on top of one another; Leshawna climbed on top of Duncan, then Heather climbed up on top of Leshawna but the hatch door was just out of her reach. The stack eventually fell, sending all three Gaffers into the water.

"Did I mention I don't like water?" Leshawna said as she resurfaced, her hair having become an afro again. "'Cause I don't! Not a fan."

"Funny, you look like a floater." Heather quipped.

"Is that another big girl joke?" Leshawna retorted angrily. Both of them began slap-fighting until Duncan pried them apart.

"You two fight like girls," he said. "We'll just float up to the top with the water and open the hatch."

"Funny, you don't look like a thinker." Harold remarked. Duncan shoved him down in response.

Leroy watched as the water continued rising. Soon both the Gaffers and the Grips were nearing the ceiling.

"So, um…" Izzy said on the Grip side, "anybody got any ideas?"

"My boyfriend used to do underwater photo shoots," Beth piped up, "and told me how to hold my breath for a really long time."

"My agent totally wants me to learn that," Justin said.

"_Sarcasm,"_ Leroy thought.

Beth gasped. "Brady could teach you! Then I'd have you both to myself…"

"Guys, there's something here!" Izzy pointed to the ceiling hatch. "It might be a way out! Pull, come on!"

Izzy and Justin pulled open the hatch, only to reveal a shark with its mouth wide open. Both closed it almost immediately.

"No good. Any other ideas?" Justin asked.

"That's weird," Leroy mused, "I don't remember putting that there."

Meanwhile, on the Gaffer side, Heather was prying open their ceiling hatch.

"I got it!" she said as it opened…only to reveal some flames coming out of it.

"No good. Any other ideas?" she asked as she clutched over to Duncan, who smirked. Heather immediately recoiled in disgust.

"Fire, huh?" Leroy heard Chris comment. "Don't you think that's a bit much?"

Chef just shrugged.

**Confessional**

**Chef**\- "Seriously! I'm just not in the mood! Bustin' my hump for a bunch of snot-nosed…" (Bangs fist on table) "Don't I deserve a little me time?!"

Leroy saw that the water had risen all the way to the contestants' heads.

"Really, it might be time to end the challenge," Chris said nervously, "the water's getting pretty high. And uh, those kids are terrible swimmers."

"Focus!" Chef yelled as they continued their card game. "I want my chips back. I'm starving." He plopped one into his mouth.

"This is getting serious! Leroy, turn off the water!" Chris ordered.

Leroy reached for the lever to do so, but Chef suddenly slapped his hand away and tore off the lever.

"Hey, what's the big-" Leroy saw the broken lever. "Oh no…"

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "What's up with Chef? First he breaks Owen's jaw, and now he breaks the emergency lever?! This is getting out of hand!"

"We've gotta get the cast out of there!" Chris screamed. "Simple formula: No more contestants equals no more episodes equals no paycheck, and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!"

"Texas hold 'em?" Chef offered.

"You're not hearing me!" Chris yelled.

"What? Gin Rummy?"

"Well," Leroy explained, "Chef broke our emergency stop lever, we can't open the hatches from the outside, and we don't have anything we can use to penetrate the walls. Our only hope is that someone opens the bottom hatch and escapes."

Leroy looked back at the monitors. The contestants were floating in the water, all in danger of drowning.

"Th-this could be it," Leshawna wailed, "the end, like, the _end_ end!" Tears rolled down her cheeks. "And I wanna live!"

"I know you're scared, but you don't have to cry." Harold assured. "I'll save you."

"Who said anything about crying?" Leshawna retorted. "Leshawna _never_ cries!"

Leroy saw that Duncan seemed to realize something.

"You sure blubbered enough when a reward was on the line!" he pointed out.

Leroy smirked. His earlier plan had worked.

_After Chris had announced the challenge, the contestants slowly filed out of the tent. Duncan took another look at the bowl and saw the object Leroy had dropped in it inconspicuously earlier. It was a fortune cookie._

_Duncan wasted no time grabbing a bite of actual food and looked at the piece of paper that came with it._

"_One of your own had lied to you for a reward." He read. "Wonder what that means?"_

_Leroy smirked as Duncan exited. He knew the latter would figure it out sooner or later._

**Confessional**

**Leroy**\- "A so-called 'friend' once fake-cried to my parents just so he can get my slice of cake. I didn't figure it out until later, and man, was I mad. Ever since then, I swore to expose any who fake-cry just to get what they want as the dirty liars that they _really_ are."

"You're a total sham!" Duncan pointed at Leshawna.

"You mean, Leshawna fake-cried to get the reward with Leshiniqua?" Heather raised her fists, ready to beat her up.

"Hey, wait a second," Harold interrupted, "let's not forget who's always there, listening to everyone's problems."

"You're gonna pay for this, big louded brown-" Heather continued.

"Wait," Harold stopped her. "I just remembered something!" he took out the bendy straws from earlier. "Quick," he handed the straws to Leshawna, "help me make a snorkel!"

Harold sunk into the water, one end of a bendy straw in his mouth as Leshawna kept adding straws to the other end in order to extend the makeshift snorkel.

Chris saw on the monitors what Harold was doing. "Brilliant! Harold's gonna save the day! Once the hatch is open, it'll drain the water out of both the rooms! And I'll still have a paycheck!"

"Everyone's counting on you now, Harold." Leroy mumbled.

Harold began working on opening the bottom hatch lock as the water level continued rising. Chris was biting his nails in suspense, and soon, the contestants' heads began sinking underwater.

Leshawna soon ran out of straws for the snorkel.

"Come on Harold," Heather yelled, "come on, there's not much time left!"

Duncan was expressionless as he sunk into the water.

Harold wiped his head as he continued working on the lock. The cameras were waterproof, so luckily Leroy can monitor his progress. Chef meanwhile, was still busy playing cards.

After several tense minutes, Harold finally took off his stethoscope and pried the hatch open. He motioned for his teammates to follow him as he swam out.

Chris cheered at this while Leroy wiped a drop of sweat off his brow. He watched as the water drained from both rooms.

"Phew," Lindsay said on the Grip feed, "this'll make escaping from underwater way easier!"

Izzy and Beth exchanged looks.

"Doesn't matter anymore," Leroy announced into a loudspeaker, "because the Gaffers have pried their hatch open and escaped, meaning they win the challenge! Yours already opened automatically. Now get out and please dry off.

After his announcement, Leroy exited the tent and went back to his trailer to take a nap.

Later, all the contestants (sans Owen, who was still absent) were wrapped in towels and sitting near a bonfire. Chris and Leroy approached them.

"Well, that was a pretty exciting day, huh?" Chris said as he and Leroy walked up to them. "Looks like another reward win for the Gaffers! Seems like the Grips are a tad overdue, but," he chuckled, "I wouldn't hold my…breath!"

The Grips glared at Chris while Leroy rolled his eyes at his bad joke.

"And now, let's see what the Gaffers have won!" Chris took out a slip of paper. "Oh, an all-expense paid trip to beautiful British Columbia! That's right, you'll be staying at the luxurious inn, on the _volcano_! A charming lodge, teetering on the edge of a little known active volcano on Vancouver Island! To get you there: You'll be enjoying an exhilarating, 8-day hike up the craggy, treacherous-"

"NO THANK YOU!" Duncan interrupted.

**Confessional**

**Duncan**\- "I can't believe we were actually gonna drown! Did the producers lose their minds? But, it would've been a pretty cool way to go, on national TV and all."

**Harold**\- "I had it all under control. I work best under pressure. Ha! Pressure, get it? Water pressure?" [snort] "I'm hilarious, even when my life is in danger."

"We'll just take some chips and pop, if that's okay." Leshawna demanded.

"Suit yourself," Chris answered, "more money for my end-of-the-year bonus."

Leroy went back to his trailer and came out a few minutes later with said items. "Wasn't gonna eat these anyway," he said as he tossed the snacks to the Gaffers.

**Confessional**

**Heather**\- "That's what they call a prize? Right, all we need after today is a disaster-themed vay-cay!"

**Leroy**\- "I'll be honest, even I thought that reward was more trouble than it's worth."

As the Gaffers were enjoying their snacks, while the Grips could only look on, Chris wheeled a slightly crazed-looking Owen on a wheelchair.

"Okay, here's the deal," Chris whispered to him, "you can go and eat with the Gaffers, if you promise not to sue."

"Promise," Owen spoke through his wired jaw.

"_Promise_ promise? Not like, vague promise. You're fingers aren't crossed, are they?"

Owen showed his hands to prove it as Chef walked over with a tray carrying a bag of chips, a bottle of soda pop, and a blender.

"Enjoy," Chris said as Chef handed Owen the tray.

Owen immediately dropped a straw along with the chips inside the blender. "Hey! You dropped your chips in my pop!" he added the soda in, "Hey! You spilled your pop in my chips!"

Leroy watched as Owen blended his snacks, creating a 'blendie', as Owen called it, and slurped up the result with his straw.

"I have a feeling the blender's a bad idea." Leroy commented.

* * *

I absolutely have no idea on when I will get the next chapter out. Although I will try to finish it as soon as I can.

So for the meanwhile, review!


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